Future Mother In Law help

I honestly don’t see an issue. She wants to look her best for her child’s wedding day and I don’t think telling her what changes she can and can’t make to her own body is appropriate. If the dress she chose is too formal and she’ll be overdressed, then people will be giving her the side eye, but it’s really not the end of the world.

I think that’s a lovely dress and perfectly appropriate for a mother of the bride or groom. And as far as getting her HAMU done up, I don’t understand how that’s making it about her. I don’t see why you need to “tell her how it is” unless there are other problems you haven’t mentioned.


Suggestions: pick your battles.

Without knowing the style/formality of the wedding, based on the photos, I can see how her choices might be a little "young" and/or a bit over-the-top depending on her age/usual style, but as pps said, I'd let it go. If she's happy and feels beautiful, there's no harm in that. If what she's choosing is likely to strike other guests as too much/too young, that reflects on her, not you.

My daughter's MOG and I both are pretty "simple" women day-to-day in terms of dress/hair/make-up. We both wore long dresses with chiffon skirts and lace bodices (hers had "sparkle"), we both had professional make-up and hair done in up-dos (very different styles, her hair is super long, I grew mine out for 18 months to get close to shoulder length). The HUMA put false lashes on me (I'm not sure about MOG) -- first time in my life! I know we both felt "pretty" as we celebrated our darling children's wedding. It was a late afternoon/evening wedding, in an upscale location, and minimally semi-formal, so I think we were fairly appropriate to the occasion. Maybe friends and family were just extra kind to me, but I only heard compliments about "how beautiful" I looked -- and I think that shows in how happy I look in every photo. Unless you're having a very casual wedding where your FMIL's choices are going to be ridiculously out of place, I wouldn't be anything but supportive. (If there is truly a huge mis-match between what she's considering and the rest of the wedding, I'd probably talk with someone she's very close to (her son, her sister or best friend) and just mention you're a little concerned she might feel out of place and get their thoughts.) However, even if she comes dressed like Ariana at the Grammys, there is no way she's going to upstage the bride, so I'd probably let it go! Good luck!

View Quoted Comment Thank you all for helping me understand her point of view. I do want all of our moms to feel special which is why I’m paying for all of them to get their hair and make up done. I think I’m just taking it personally when she knows how simple I’m going with me and the bridesmaids and my moms and how over the top she wants to be. I know I’ll get over it but I think I needed this to help me see where she’s coming from and just let her be.

I understand where your coming from 100% . I think it’s because I was in a similar situation. I’m also marrying an only. It’s definitely anxiety inducing to just ‘tell her what to do since it’s your wedding’. It’s also kinda frustrating when people don’t understand and think your ‘overreacting’ bc of a dress or a hair style.
If you know anything about personality types I’m INFJ meaning I feel a lot, I’m sensitive and prone to manipulation by more dominant personality types, like some (not all and not to say she is ) MILs. Try to stonewall. This may be kinda hard bc she’s already SO involved. However, try to ‘take a break from wedding planning for a couple of months’. You can use any excuse work, your ‘not feeling well’, you kinda want to nurture your relationship with your soon to be husband literally anything to avoid constant conversations about the wedding itself.
When it comes to what she’s wearing etc. it’s too late to change that. In other words, you cannot tell her what to wear no matter how over the top she’s being Because it will cause tension(which heightens the anxiety ) but clearly that dress looks almost like a wedding gown lol. You’re not being paranoid! The BIGGEST lesson you can learn and please do it now than later, is to understand how she is now(before kids come into the picture, and after your married). Stop accepting things for free in future (e.g her paying for things are simply tools of manipulation to do whatever she wants at the most important day of YOUR life). So take notes ! Again, let the dress/hair etc pass (pick your battles) BUT start thinking of ways you can deal with this relationship because it will only get more anxiety inducing in the future. Maybe I’m reading a lot into the situation but I see stark similarities with my experience which has gotten much better bc I dealt with it a little earlier! Enjoy wedding planning it’s such a beautiful and joyful time xx

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It sounds like you're going to be a GREAT DIL -- appreciative, compassionate, and understanding. It seems like you and FMIL are both lucky women! Good luck!

View Quoted Comment This was beyond helpful! I’ve already expressed my concerns about children with my FH. Not that I don’t want her involved in their lives but I can just see her judgement and her strong personality taking over. I really am going to take this advice to heart. I am definitely going to practice on my stonewalling!

View Quoted Comment I understand ! Yes, I’m sure she’s great and so important to have a healthy , loving relationship with her of course. Again I think I understand because I think I have a similar personality type(sensitive, giver, all inclusiveness etc.) all great traits! But can easily be stomped on. See past the wedding and take notes for the future because this pattern will repeat itself. But once you get a good understanding on how to deal with it things will be so much better! Good luck Xx

It sounds like she's super excited for the wedding and wants to look/feel her very best. I don't see the issue with this to be honest. It's a really big day for mother's of the bride and groom and you are lucky to have a FMIL that you get along with so well . I think the dress is gorgeous.

The hair might be a bit much, but if thats her style i don't see an issue with it (its too much for me if i was wearing it type thing). I think the dress is fine