Future Mother in Law getting a little crazy

I need to vent about this! Can't really say it to my fiance (Well, I can but don't really want to). Don't want to say it to my friends because I have been trying to refrain from talking about my wedding until after one of the girls' honeymoons next month. Also can't discuss with my MOH for the same reason. (Am I being ridiculous there? I just don't want to come off as upstaging anyone). But my mother in law is kind of going off the rez a bit and I would like to stop it before it gets out of hand.

First, let me just start this by saying a giant wedding was the last thing I wanted to do. However, my fiance really, really wants it to the point he will look back with regret if he doesn't have a big party. Personally, I think I might regret the time, energy and money that goes into this, but I am learning to live with it.

I feel like my future mother in law is going extreme party thrower. She just retired and has a ton of time on her hands. This entire ordeal started off with her telling me/us a week after we got engaged that her family expects a big party. Facepalm. Like I said before, I do not want a big party and FH and I had barely discussed how we wanted the wedding to happen. Nothing like getting your requests/demands in early! Definitely felt uncomfortable for me, not to mention slightly rude. Fast Forward to now and we have developed a budget and FH's family is contributing about 50%. FH and I just cannot afford the type of party they want so I am glad they are pitching in. We are saving for the other half. (Don't get me started on my parents' lack of financial support.)

During the venue search, before the financial support had been secured, my future mother in law insisted we pick this particular venue. It is lovely, but I really don't like being told what to do. I almost picked a different venue just to offset the power dynamic a bit, but I know a good venue when I see it (I'm a professional event planner) and my fiance fell in love with it. I'm not gonna be a jerk to him on that note. Like I said, he really wants this party! So we are getting married at this venue she insisted on. Eyeroll. They get the party. They get the venue. I get to plan the ceremony, right? Not really.

I don't want a hundred people watching me get married. I've been married before so I know for 100% certain that it is not what I want. we are having a very small, nuclear family only ceremony immediately previous to the party part. We told FH's parents this and they didn't seem to care/thought it was lovely to do something small. Or so they said! I like this approach because it feeds my need to have an uncomplicated and private portion all to myself. I really envision this as very straightforward - no bridal party, no readings, no lengthy vows. Just us - getting married! It's all I want. But shortly after this is established, FMIL starts asking about a rehearsal dinner. My response was - well, there no rehearsal, so there's no rehearsal dinner. Seemed pretty cut and dry to me. I find out from FH recently that his mom is trying to book a venue for the welcome party. I asked him what welcome party he was talking about since I know I told her no rehearsal dinner... We both knew what welcome party though. Ugh.

We have also had to bat back the idea of a morning after brunch. Besides the fact I don't want to do one, breakfast is included at the hotel. I said we could host a mimosa and bloody mary bar or something but that it doesn't make sense to have a whole separate breakfast.

I know I might be getting ahead of myself here, but I really feel like I need to put my foot down now or never. I do not want another obligation added to this event. I even specifically chose a Friday night to AVOID unecessary obligations. What gives? Why can't she take a hint? I don't understand what could possibly be the reason for all of this unecessary party throwing. How do I tell her kindly that we do not need or want a welcome party on the Thursday preceding the wedding? Nor do we want or need any additional event other than the ones already discussed?? My first thought was just to let it happen and move on, but we are the guests of honor at this welcome party thing. I just don't want to do it. It's not my style. I might be living on the east coast, but I'm a Midwestern and I just don't feel the need to impress people with my ability to afford and throw parties. It makes me totally uncomfortable.

My family also will likely not show up to such events and I don't want to be embarrassed and hurt by that. And if they do show up, I don't want them to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable at such an event. I get that this is a big, fun time for my FH's family, but I really feel strongly that it should accommodate what my family thinks is fun too. My parents have (annoyingly) started to plan something with their friends out in the burbs that is way more casual and DIY. If we're going to do anything, is there a way to make it a little bit of both!? Ugh!

For the record, my Friday night wedding has nothing to do with finances really. We live and are getting married in Washington, DC. I think it's a shame that people would come all the way here and not get to make a fun trip out of it. We are hosting a casual cocktail reception (people are being invited by evite, we are not hosting all the beverages, etc) on Saturday night to give people the idea we want them to stick around and visit the city!