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Beginner September 2020

Future mil inviting people to my destination wedding...

Michelle, on January 8, 2020 at 1:32 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 10

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My fiancé’s family has a different dynamic. His real mom is not in the picture. Then there is the mom who raised him and now there is a new step mom.
We are having a destination wedding in Florida. We chose to have a destination wedding to keep it small and only have who we want there.
Well the step mom informed me the other day that her two adult sons and the girlfriend of one of them will be coming along with them, which we have only ever met ONE time.
I was never asked if it was okay with me or my fiancé. The only time she ever mentioned anything was on Christmas Day she was on the phone with her son and told him in front of me that him and his girlfriend should try to come to Florida in June...she looked at me while I’m the phone and goes “is that okay?” Which put me in the most awkward position ever...like what am I supposed to see without sounding rude? It just really bothers me that she didn’t actually sit down and ask me or my fiancé if it was okay considering she’s not paying for any of it. At this point I feel like I can’t tell her no. What would you do? I don’t want to upset anyone but at the same time it’s mine and my fiancé’s wedding, nobody else’s. Am I overreacting?

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10 Comments

Latest activity by Cyndy, on January 8, 2020 at 3:35 PM

Expert April 2020
Jill · on January 8, 2020 at 1:42 PM
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Are they paying for any part of it? Typically if they are they have some say in the guest list. My FMIL has done this too, inviting two sets of neighbors. They are paying for the reception though so we just went along with it. I would still maybe have your FH have a conversation with her saying that yall wished she would have talked to you guys first.
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on January 8, 2020 at 1:44 PM
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Are they contributing to the wedding financially? In my opinion, her children should be invited since it's a family event.
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Master January 2015
null · on January 8, 2020 at 1:44 PM
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Did you already tell her that she could bring them when she asked on Christmas? She definitely shouldn't have asked that way, but if you already said yes, taking it back would surely cause problems.
Is your destination wedding really intimate with just immediate family? That would be a good way to mention that her sons and the girlfriend aren't invited. But I would have your FH have this conversation with her since she's his step mom.
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Super February 2020
Jeanie · on January 8, 2020 at 1:46 PM
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Anyone can travel with them to your wedding location, but that doesn’t mean they are automatically invited to the wedding. I can’t gather if it’s just the girlfriend you don’t want to invite, or the two brothers with the girlfriend. If it’s just the girlfriend, I don’t think arguing over one person is worth the drama. If it’s the whole group of them, you need to speak up now before plans are made. Decide with your fiancé what you want to do and let his step mother know. You also don’t want her to continue inviting people. This may be an honest mistake on her part. Since they are her sons, I wouldn’t be surprised if she assumed they were invited since to her they are immediate family.
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Beginner September 2020
Michelle · on January 8, 2020 at 1:48 PM
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They are not paying for any of the ceremony or reception. She told me she would pay for their stuff. Like we paid for so many chairs and extras are $$ per chair, as well as the catering, but at this point it really isn’t even the money. We specifically are having a destination wedding to have it be our close friends and family. At this point I guess we are going to have time go with it, it’s just really frustrating that we did not get asked first.
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Beginner September 2020
Michelle · on January 8, 2020 at 1:50 PM
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I guess I should add, I really didn’t her kids there because I do not know them well. They are also not contributing financially...
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Beginner September 2020
Michelle · on January 8, 2020 at 1:55 PM
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I’m really not trying to sound ridiculous... but anyways it’s the group in general. We want his dad and step mom there. I think if they had sat us down and asked us before making these plans I wouldn’t be as frustrated. If they were paying for some of it, It wouldn’t be as big of a deal either, but they aren’t paying for any part of it.
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Super February 2020
Andrea · on January 8, 2020 at 2:47 PM
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She sounds like she got super excited and assumed her family was invited cause it's "family". I think you should just invite them. My FH and I got invited to his step sisters wedding, and I think it was because her dad (married to FH's mom) makes us family now?
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Master November 2022
Chrysta · on January 8, 2020 at 3:33 PM
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I get your frustration, and I think you are completely justified in feeling this way. You and your FH deliberately chose a destination wedding in order to keep it small and intimate; only Those closest to you in attendance. Obviously your FMIL’s children and significant others are not close to you. I think your FMIL inviting them without even asking was incredibly presumptuous and inconsiderate- especially considering they are not contributing financially to the wedding. I think you and FH should sit down and discuss the wedding and what is important to you. If you both feel very strongly about keeping the guest list to only those nearest and dearest to you, then I would have a talk with his father and stepmother ASAP and explain it to them. I would certainly do it sooner rather than later, as you do not want the kids and their spouses making travel arrangements.
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Master May 2019
Cyndy · on January 8, 2020 at 3:35 PM
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If your FH is in agreement I would talk to her and just explain that you are having a small family wedding and already have your guest list. Explain that her kids can come to Florida but not to the wedding. It’s not ok for her to invite people. Maybe explain that if you wanted more people to come you have other friends or family you would have also invited.
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