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Dedicated May 2021

Future Last Name Conundrum

Andrea, on January 13, 2020 at 1:41 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 9

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So, my parents are divorced and I'm much closer to my mom than my dad (who moved out of state and has all brothers). My mom has all sisters so none of them, including her, have their maiden name anymore (Myrick). So I am all for ditching my (dad's) last name when I get married. However, my FH has never known his father, who left his mother when he was an infant (they lived in Costa Rica at the time). His mom never married his dad, but he still has his father's last name. His mom ended up moving back to her hometown in California where my FH grew up.
This leads to my issue. Is it weird to abandon our last names, which neither of us have any sort of attachment to? I feel like both of our fathers abandoned their families and we shouldn't be expected to carry on their names.
Does this sound crazy?

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Andrea, on January 13, 2020 at 12:18 PM

Super August 2021
Dierdra · on January 13, 2020 at 2:18 AM
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If that is how the both of you feel then I don't think it sounds crazy at all.
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Master May 2019
Chandra · on January 13, 2020 at 2:54 AM
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There are definitely couples who both ditch their last names and create a new name together. It wouldnt be that weird. I'm just not sure if it's harder for men to change their name?
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Dedicated May 2021
Andrea · on January 13, 2020 at 4:07 AM
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I'd love to just create a new last name for us, but I believe each state has its own criteria for what you can do for changing your last name after marriage. In California one spouse can take the other's surname, or both can have a hyphenated version with both names. So one of us would likely have to legally change our last name prior to getting married, so the other could take that name. It just costs a few hundred dollars and requires publishing something in the newspaper, and appearing before a judge.
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Savvy May 2021
Alex · on January 13, 2020 at 5:20 AM
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Not at all. It’s becoming more common for couples to change their last names to something they both like.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on January 13, 2020 at 7:27 AM
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Nope. It's your name, do whatever makes you happy.
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Devoted October 2020
A · on January 13, 2020 at 8:14 AM
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This doesn’t sound crazy as all. I’d pick a name that’s still a family name if possible (maybe who you’re closest to as a couple?). I’d also ask the matriarch or patriarch of that family for permission/well wishes so that they’re aware of your plans before you’re presented as Mr. and Mrs. [their last name].
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Dedicated November 2021
Philippa · on January 13, 2020 at 8:37 AM
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My fiancé's father passed away when he was very little and his mother remarried, but he has his father's last name. He has always been close to his step-father, so we are thinking to make a surprise announcement at the wedding that we will both take his step-father's last name.
If you find it too strange to come up with a new last name, you could always see if he would like to take your mother's maiden name with you, especially if there is no one left to carry it on. I don't think it's crazy at all to decide against taking the fathers last name.
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Dedicated December 2020
Nikki · on January 13, 2020 at 9:39 AM
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My FH is doing that pretty much. He has his bio-father's last name right now. He wants to take his step-dad's name (whom he has called dad most of his life). I just told him he needs to do so before we get married, because I'm only changing my name once lol. Anyways, at least in Florida, because his step-dad's name is no where near either of our current legal names, he has to get his name legally changed before we get married, then I can just change mine to his new last name the normal marriage way. He has already told his bio-father, who at least doesn't sound like he has an issue with it, but could have been hiding behind text. His step-dad and mother already know. He doesn't plan on telling anyone else until we send out official invitations, where he'll have his new name on there.
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Dedicated May 2021
Andrea · on January 13, 2020 at 12:18 PM
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Thank you all for the reassurances! I am thinking of going to my mother's maiden name, although I'm hoping his mom doesn't get offended if we go that direction.
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