Future In-laws and upcoming wedding

I'm sorry that you're dealing with this. At this point, what can you really say to her? She knew that it was your wedding day and she planned her trip for that day anyway. Their priorities are clear. I don't think there's much to say.

That sucks but you know what good riddance. It is better to have people that truly love and support you guys there showing the big day. You should remain cordial but after this I would not go out of my way to be friendly to them or go the extra mile. That is upsetting and if anything the FH should tell his brother how he feels about this.

View Quoted Comment I agree. I think at this point saying something is only going to make it worse. What happens if you tell her you’re both hurt and she says she doesn’t care because it’s her birthday? Do you really think any good could come out of what she’ll probably view as a confrontation?

Ugh that sucks, I'm sorry. At this point, it is what it is. You can't control them and what they decide to do. If it were me, and my family chose to take a vacation instead of coming to my wedding, I would def take a few steps back. Realistically, you don't want people with that mind set to stand next to you on your big day. Don't let this ruin your big day.

And if its any help, I'm going through a bunch of family drama since my grandfather passed a few months ago. I will have my mother at my wedding, and that is it for family. This decision was mine to make, and its the best for me. Hope that helps.

I would just leave it alone. She knew when the wedding was and chose the vacation as the priority. It being your FH's second wedding and his ex-wife being her friend are probably giving her some resentment about it and maybe this is her way of taking herself out of the situation.

However, it is still your wedding. Don't let it get you and your FH down! If you're still struggling on what to do I suggest having your FH talk to his brother and leaving the inlaw out of that conversation. In the end, do what's best for you and your FH! I hope you have a wonderful wedding

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He did tell his parents and the parents agree that it is wrong. I was just thinking about letting her know that our feelings are hurt that they won't be there. It isn't something I am going to fight about but that's kind of what i wanted to do was to just let them know we are upset they won't be there. But I don't want to cause trouble in the family and we aren't even married yet.

Thanks so much to all of you for your opinions. I will leave it alone and I did tell FH to tell his brother that it is disappointing and upsetting that he at least isn't even going to be there. I believe he is just going along with what she wants to do instead of standing up to her and telling her he'll fly down the next day. I don't think the sister-in-law and the ex-wife are best friends or even talk daily. They were friends in high school which is how my FH and ex-wife got together back then anyway. But I will leave it alone. Thanks again! It helps to get others opinions.

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You can tell her but that can still cause drama depending on how she reacts. I mean if you have a close relationship with her where you can be upfront then I would say talk to her in private and let her know that you wish she would come and are hurt that she planned the trip the same day of the wedding. If you two are not that close it could go bad.

I agree with everyone else about not saying anything. If it comes up (they send a gift and you need to send a thank-you, or in conversation), I try to keep the focus on how "you'll miss them and wish they could be there" -- more positive than, "we're really upset that you chose to go on vacation rather than attend our wedding" -- more accusatory and likely to fuel any issues that may already exist. Most of all, I'd just focus on having the most awesome wedding for yourselves (and, when they hear about how great it was, perhaps, they'll regret having chosen to miss it...). Take the high road; if she's actually a petty person, she may be looking for a reaction so don't give her one. Good luck!

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I found the hardest part of my wedding was not finding a venue or money issues, but dealing with people's opinions and drama.

I would try to (and I know it's hard) to adopt the mentality of "their loss." Because really, it is their loss. Don't let it ruin your relationship, because they are family and you will have to deal with them, but that doesn't mean you can't be upset by their actions.

I would let your fiancé deal with this. It’s his brother, so if something is said it should come from him. I totally get why you’re upset. It was a jerk move on her part. I love my birthday more than anyone else I know (I celebrate all month!), but I would never miss someone’s wedding or other important event out of spite. But try not to get caught up in her drama, and definitely try and support your fiancé. As bad as you feel, I’m sure he feels a million times worse.