Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Just Said Yes March 2022

Future Father-in-law Upset About Guest List

Lauren, on July 22, 2021 at 12:15 PM Posted in Planning 0 14

Saved

Flag
Hide content

Our venue’s capacity is only 160, but we’re capping our invite list at 150 to account for DJ, photographer, etc. FH and I are allotted 75 invites each, which we have already capped out on. Most of it being family and then a few close friends. I’m not even able to invite extended family that I’m decently close with or other friends that I would love to be there.

FIL is a pastor and he is absolutely livid that we aren’t inviting his entire church (of 250), his old church (FH hasn’t been there since he was 2), and the church I grew up in. He thinks that we should just do a blanket invitation and not worry about RSVPs or seating charts. He thinks a seating chart is dumb, but I’m very adamant that I want to do it because I want to utilize every seat available. Out of my list, almost all of those 75 will come (I have a very large immediate family). He says that only about 50 church members will show up so it shouldn’t be an issue. But I’ve tried to explain that we have to count every single head when sending out invitations. We can’t send out 300 with hopes that only 150 will come. We have to be very intentional about this.
He wants us to switch venues to the church where the capacity is 250, but if we do that, I will also be inviting the extended family and friends I would like to be there because it’s not fair to switch to the church just so he can get his way by inviting the congregation without me inviting the rest of the people I want to.
Future in laws are contributing $2,500 which we are very appreciative of. But that will cover the photographer we want. So if they want to contribute more money to pay for us to upgrade venues and the food for all of those people, I’m all for it. But if not, then it just cannot logistically happen.
How do we handle this?

Flag
Hide content

14 Comments

Latest activity by Katie, on July 23, 2021 at 1:32 PM

Devoted September 2021
Sylvia · on July 22, 2021 at 12:21 PM
Flag

Hide content
Stand your ground. Unless they are paying for all those extra people, then no.
This is YOUR and your FH big day.
Venues are limited and so are budgets.Say no and walk away and continue about the planning. What does your FH have to say about this? If he agrees with you then he should back you up. If he doesn’t there should be a conversation about this before moving forward
- Reply
Super October 2022
Jessi · on July 22, 2021 at 12:21 PM
Flag

Hide content
I'd put your foot down and say no, and don't accept any more money from them. Personally, I'd give back the $2,500 and say we don't need their money at all if they think they can make decisions, but that's up to you. He is already trying to tell you what to do with your wedding and I think it would only get worse if they cover the cost of the venue and more food. I don't foresee him allowing you to invite your own family if he's got it in his mind that these other people will take those spots.
You and your FH need to be on the same page and be a united front. Give him a firm no and don't talk about it anymore. Shut it down if he brings it up again. If he starts inviting people himself then you reach out and apologize and tell them FIL is mistaken. That'll look bad on him, not you. Good luck! This is a tough situation to be in.
- Reply
Devoted September 2021
Sylvia · on July 22, 2021 at 12:23 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Exactly!! 100% agree!
- Reply
Just Said Yes March 2022
Lauren · on July 22, 2021 at 12:23 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Thankfully FH is on the same page with me! He doesn’t want all of these random people that he doesn’t know or that he cares to see there. FIL isn’t used to not getting his way with every single thing in life so he’s shocked that we’re telling him no
- Reply
Devoted September 2021
Sylvia · on July 22, 2021 at 12:25 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Haha I feel that. My mother was not pleased with my guest list. It was hard to put my foot down, but we had to!
A simple “no” and walk away. This day is not about him and his congregation, it’s about you and and your FH and the people you care about!
- Reply
Just Said Yes March 2022
Lauren · on July 22, 2021 at 12:26 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Thank you for this!! We’re definitely all people that like to discuss things and talk it all out but I feel like there’s not going to be a good outcome of continued discussions. My mom and I are meeting with our venue next week to talk about adding a small event tent to accommodate for more people because there are some that I would really like to be there that just don’t fit the list because of the size of my family, but even then, it’s not going to be enough room for 100 more people.

Shutting down the conversation definitely seems the way to go and I hadn’t really considered that so thank you!
- Reply
Super May 2021
Stacey · on July 22, 2021 at 12:27 PM
Flag

Hide content
Personally I would decline their contribution as it doesn't seem to come without strings attached. If you and your FH are in alignment on the guest list and the wedding you've planned, keep moving forward with what you both want. If FIL wants to be upset about it, let him be upset. No is a complete sentence.
- Reply
VIP January 2019
Maggie · on July 22, 2021 at 12:31 PM
Flag

Hide content
Your FFIL is in the wrong in all of his demands. I know you know this and I am so glad to read that you and your future spouse are on the same page. But I just wanted to reiterate in case you needed to see it again from a stranger.
I'm with those who would decline that $2,500 that seems to be coming with a lot of strings. Declining the money may feel rude and wrong, but it's the cleanest way to stay in control of your own wedding AND to establish a precedent for your marriage that you and your FS will not be bullied.
- Reply
VIP June 2019
Hanna · on July 22, 2021 at 12:35 PM
Flag

Hide content
Definitely stand your ground! FIL is totally out of line here. With that crazy high number of guests he wants to add, he'd probably need to add an extra zero to that figure he is willing to contribute... but that's besides the point, because you shouldn't have to have a boatload of random people at your wedding. Stand with FH as a united front and let him deal with his dad to tell him that his plan cannot and is not going to work
- Reply
VIP May 2022
Jasmine S. · on July 22, 2021 at 12:47 PM
Flag

Hide content
It sounds like this guy is very out of touch with modern weddings. Maybe some very wealthy religious circles invite their whole congregation, but that's not the norm and you guys definitely don't have to if you don't want. The $2500 contribution is not going to cover all those extra church people, even if only 50 of them show up. (Where I live, that amount would cover about ten or twelve guests.) Some users here will say refuse their money because it comes with strings attached. Up to you guys if you want to do that, or if you'd rather try and compromise. Don't be afraid to cut off contact with him if needed. He needs to grow up and learn that "No" is a complete sentence.
- Reply
VIP October 2022
Samantha · on July 22, 2021 at 12:58 PM
Flag

Hide content
This is just outrageous.
I would give the money he’s contributed back and never mention wedding planning around him again. If he brings it up, say “we’re not discussing the wedding.”
I am just…floored. Like completely floored.
- Reply
Dedicated October 2022
Viviana · on July 22, 2021 at 1:46 PM
Flag

Hide content
Wow - that is crazy!! I would follow YOUR original plan and invite the people that YOU want. You can't please everyone - so, do what is going to make YOU happy!!
- Reply
Devoted October 2021
Kk · on July 22, 2021 at 1:51 PM
Flag

Hide content
Definitely stand your ground. Would you be open to doing something like an informal social at the church to celebrate your marriage with the congregation? Maybe that would be a way to appease him?
- Reply

Expert August 2021
Katie · on July 23, 2021 at 1:32 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
100% this absolutely agree with.
Give him a firm no
- Reply