Long post ahead, but I desperately need to vent and ask for advice.
My fiance, Dan, and I have been dating for over two years. I'm wanting to give some background before I go into everything. His family is Polish and Catholic, almost to the extreme. They never have liked me or approved of our relationship. The disapproval started when we went over there for Christmas for the first time and I didn't do the Catholic cross when they prayed. I'm not religious and they took major offense to this.
Fast forward to us moving in together and they took the news horribly. I don't remember all that was said, but it was enough to make him cry. They questioned every little purchase we made towards our apartment and claimed that I was just using him for his money.
Earlier this year, Dan told them that he was planning on proposing to me before the end of the year. We got engaged in August and his mom and sister were extremely offended and upset. His mom and sister couldn't believe that Dan didn't tell them ahead of time that he was going to propose to me (which uh he did when he said before the end of this year, but they thought he meant December). His mom even said she wished she would have known so that we could have all gone to the zoo and he could have proposed. His sister said that it was the biggest bull that she's ever heard.
Needless to saying, wedding planning hasn't been easy. When we talked about our wedding party. I wanted my brother to be in it because he has been nothing but nice to both of us. To avoid further drama, Dan said then we should have his sister as a bridesmaid. I said fine and attempted to reach out to her, hoping to try and be friends. I asked her multiple times to go dress shopping, and when I purchased a dress, I even offered to show her, but she just left me on read. Dan has asked her multiple times to hang out at our place so we could all chill and get to know each other, but she has declined every single time. Still, I said okay fine, maybe things will change. I proposed to her by giving her a stemless wine glass and a cute soon you'll be my sister card. All I got was a thanks...
Dan told me that Thursday night, he's going out with her and I was upset. Because her I am making efforts to get to know her and be friends and she goes out with her brother and excludes me. It really hurts. I told Dan everything I'm feeling and even said that if his sister doesn't show interest in me and our wedding, I don't know if I want her standing with me.
The next day, he got into a huge fight with his family. His mom was extremely upset that Dan chose not to invite his mom's sister, his aunt. Dan has only met his aunt once or twice I believe and never sees her or talks to her. His parents also haven't given us any money towards the wedding so I feel that it's only fair that we decide the guest list since we're the ones paying. If his mom was giving us money, sure go ahead and invite people, but we want our wedding kept small simply because we're funding it mostly ourselves. This caused his mom to say that I'm brainwashing him and that she's even going to go as far as come into my work and yell at me. His sister was agreeing with the mom and started yelling at Dan to leave because every time he comes over, he makes their mom upset. Dan ended up telling her fine you're not a bridesmaid anymore.
Somehow now though they're friends again and still going out Thursday night. I'm really scared that Dan will tell me that we should add her back to the wedding party at some point and I really don't want her to. I'm worried that if this happens, I'll be made out to be the bad guy, which I feel like is exactly what his family wants. I told Dan how I felt and he said not to worry that he has control over things, but I can't help myself...
