Full names vs nicknames on invites

Your wedding = your rules.

I put everyone's government name in addition to their nickname.

Just wanted to feel fancy and use their real names.

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That's what I was thinking too haha, wanted to feel super formal so I wanted to use people's full names.

It didn't even occur to me not to do that until I was talking to one of my friends named Carly. I've literally known this girl since I was 3 years old and I JUST FOUND OUT apparently her legal first name is actually Carolyn! I made a joke saying "it's a good thing you told me, now I'll know how to address your wedding invite!" She responded with a horrified "PLEASE DON'T, I hate the name Carolyn!" Lol. So for hers at least I will be using the nickname per her request.

But this got me thinking about other guests too and if they'd prefer to be addressed by the names they are called rather than their legal full names.

I've been wondering the same thing too! I have a friend who goes by Katie which is a nickname from her middle name, but her first name is Mary and that's what I call her since we met at work and she uses Mary professionally. She prefers Katie usually but told me I can keep calling her Mary since I didn't know she went by Katie until I had known her for 6 months... but I'm not sure how to address her invite or escort card. I'm thinking go more formal on the invite and less formal on things like save the dates and escorts cards.

I don't see anything wrong with putting your nickname on your invitations. There is nothing that says this is unacceptable.

I’m deciding this on a case by case basis. In general, I agree that nicknames seem too casual. But I have a few friends that using their full name seems bizarre to me haha, so I’ll use their nicknames. I can’t imagine anyone minding their nickname on their invite, but I could see someone being bothered by their full name (like in your example).

View Quoted Comment Yeah, I agree that there shouldn’t really be a blanket rule. I don’t see anyone getting confused by being referred to by their nickname, but could see it in some cases when using their full name if they never use it. For example I have a friend named Jack whose actual name is Jonathan, but he would never introduce himself as that to anyone, so I will use his nickname on invites. It could make sense to use nicknames for some and actual names for others, depending on how they tend to introduce themselves and are known by most people.

Formal name unless you know someone really hates it, like you friend Carolyn. But you arent expected to know all these things.

I thought about using my real name (Elizabeth) instead of Lisa which is what I've gone by my whole life, however none of FH friends or family know me by that and I thought it might create way too many questions he'd have to answer. So I put Lisa.

There is a difference between using someone's preferred name, i.e. "Liz" instead of "Elizabeth" versus an actual nickname, i.e. "Bubba" instead of "James." For instance, my best friend prefers to use "Liz" and that is how I addressed her on all written material. If you know these people well enough to know their preferred name then use that. If not, then use the formal name.

We used formal full names for people who go by short versions of their first names (Kathryn for Katie. William for Bill etc). We made a case by case exception for people who go by their middle name and such. But we tried to do it the formal way as we were trying to communicate that Level of formality for our wedding/reception.

View Quoted Comment Omg this would cause so much confusion but in the same breath would be pretty comical when the questions start rolling in haha

Except for the very most formal invitations, it is best to address people by the name which they prefer to be called, provided it is based on their name. So if someone named Horace uses Harry, or Jeannette uses Nettie, fine. But non-name based names like Bomber, Skipper, Junior, Diva, they are so informal that they are used in conversation only. It is better to ask someone (not their relatives) or make a quick phone call to say, I am addressing envelopes, and it occurs to me that I do not know exactly what title you use, or whether you prefer your legal name, or a nickname? Sounds like it might be embarrassing, but it is not after one call. People appreciate the consideration, for the most part. Even Mrs. Ms. or Miss is a controversy when you choose the wrong one. And many husbands will tell you their wives prefer, Mrs. John Whoever, when wife hates it, and would prefer Mr. James and Ms. Mary Whoever. Titles like The Honorable, and Dr. for advanced academic degrees, are like legal names: Always using them is formally always correct, but if a person only uses them professionally, their preference counts the most. The Save, the invitation, shower invitations, one or two thank you notes, and seating charts and place cards, make so many opportunities to offend people if you get it wrong. Check, once and for all. Making people happy, thus having good manners, starts with greetings and form of address. A person's identity.

We are having a very formal wedding so we did proper formal names. However, there were a few instances where people are truly OFFENDED by their birth name and we respected that . There was also one or two people we could not figure out what the correct spelling of their legal first name is (how many different ways can you spell kaitlyn katelyn caitlyn caitlin) so we stuck to the nickname

My future sil/ bridesmaid real name is Deanna and literally no one called her that everyone calls her Dee so for everything wedding related we put dee (programs /wedding website and invites)

My FH name is Samuel but no matter where he goes or what he does he introduces himself as Sam. I always tell him your name is Samuel and he says literally no one but you calls me that lol. Even just got invited to 3 different weddings. Each invitation has Sam on it. It’s totally your preference.

I have been thinking so much about this! I finally decided for my guests I will use their nicknames. Basically because my wedding isnt like black tie formal, it wasnt necessary for invitations to be either. Plus I think mine would actually be confused and I have a lot that go by Nick names or their middle names or something.

This was so hard. There were family members who I didn't even know their real names until my mom corrected the list. I went with real names unless no one Ever refers to them. So names like Mike were spelled out to Michael. but I I have an aunt, we'll say Pam. I have never ever ever seen or heard her write or say Pamala. So I left hers as Pam. FH had friends who he insisted on using their go by names. All we were consistently, inconsistent.

My given name is Christina, but I have been Christy since I can recall. For my first, much more formal wedding, I did use Christina. But for this wedding, I realize it doesn't really matter and just used Christy.

My husband and I spent so much time talking about this and trying to remember everyone's legal names!! He has a bunch of friends who go by their middle names and I have some friends who I had to ask what "Kate" was short for!! 😂 We went with full formal names, but honestly it made things way more complicated than they needed to be!

True story - one of my bridesmaids sent me a snapchat of her wedding invitations when they came in and I honestly had no idea who they were for! I thought they were just pretty invites. I didn't know Kate was short for Katelyn, didn't remember her middle name, and have always called her (now) husband my his last name!