fsil not happy.

Honestly she doesnt have to participate then. If she cant see your vision for your day then FSIL doesnt have to be a part of it and it's unfortunate for the child

Oh my......trying to make 7 year old look fat?!?!?!??? Your FSIL has issues. I feel sorry for the girl if she's already projecting image issues at that age. But I digress....
I would have FH (who hopefully agrees w/ you) step in and reign in his sister, politely yet firmly telling her the decisions you two have made and then just let it go, hold your head up high and continue planning your day.

Double Yikes. She is being ridiculous. I don't know that I would still want to include her daughter after her comments. "She doesn't want to hand out stupid paper" is she serious? She sounds like she needs to have her own celebration and give her daughter whatever role she wants for her. Other than that, you are having her where you would like her. She can just tell you no and keep it moving if she is going to try to dictate everything. Ugh. Is she paying for the dress or are you?

Sorry she is being a pain. Just know your day will be just that, your day. Jeeze you only get one.

Too bad she is being so childish, as well as being deficient in manners. No one but you decides who to ask to be in your wedding party. Nothing says family takes precedence over friends in any WP decision . She does not get to make up rules to please herself.

Oh my, what drama this FSIL is causing! I think that is so sad that the girl is 7 and her mom is throwing out body issue comments like that! She (FSIL) is definitely in the wrong here. Honestly 1) it is your wedding and it is not like you are picking some stranger off the side of the road for your flower girl! 2) You are including the 7 year old in the ceremony and letting her walk in the processional! I mean I don't see how your FSIL isn't grateful for that! Chances are, if the girl is mature for her age, she would have found being a flower girl to be a little boring. It might be good for her to get to be more of an active participant with handing out the programs and "fairy wands".

I think at this point she will just complain about everything even if she loves the idea she will find something “wrong” with it I think you should just give her options and say these are my top favorite dresses for her can you please pick one or if she isn’t feeling up to passing papers out that day it’s fine we can just have guests pick them up and try not to give her an excuse to argue back.

You can ask the niece what she would prefer. If she is happy with the responsibility of the programs and fairy wands then that will settle it. If she would prefer to be a flower girl, then have 2 flower girls.

My flower girls will be 3, 5, & 6 and junior bridesmaids will be 9 & 12.

Have you actually spoken to the niece at all to see what her preferred role is? FSIL could just be making a stink...or she could be advocating on behalf of her 6 year old who wanted to be flower girl. There’s no age or maturity level required for the role, nor any restriction on how many you can have. I may be channeling my sensitive inner 6 year old here, but I would’ve been devastated to be stuck handing out programs at my uncle’s wedding, not getting to be flower girl. You don’t have to cater to FSIL’s every whim but it’s important to be considerate of the child— Given that you’re making the choice based on the maturity of this kid, treat her that way, and talk to her , and make sure SHE is okay with the role or if it would really mean more to her to get to be a second flower girl.

Thanks to those of you that see my side, I will be purchasing her dress because FSIL will make a big deal about it so I've chosen to forgo the issue and just take care of it myself. As for talking to 7yo about the issue and/or making her a second flower girl...I have spoken to her about how she is going to do the passing out of things, as well as how she will have flowers and walk down the aisle and wear a pretty dress and get lots of pictures and she is pumped. I've shown her the types of dresses i have in mind and she loves all of them.

I personally would prefer there to only be one flower girl for a couple reasons.

1. I only have one ring bearer and would like them to walk down together, so i would like there to just be one of each.

2. Flower girl is wearing my dress from when i was a flower girl in a wedding when i was 2 and i cant find anything that goes with it or is remotely similar to it for 7yo.

3. if i were to change it now FSIL would still make a stink that the only reason i was doing it was because she complained and then she would complain about that.

and 4. originally we had talked about having 3 flower girls (current flower girl and her two older sisters) and we decided against it and had to have that conversation with their mom and i don't want to cause an issue with them adding another when i told her i decided to only have one. (mom and dad being one of my best friends and bridesmaid and FH very best friend since kindergarten/BM)

I've told here what the flower girl is doing and i have told her what she is doing, 7yo is a very outspoken sassy little girl and if she had an issue, like her mom seems to, she would tell me (no doubt in my mind), and she hasn't. she is so excited. while her mom is threatening not coming.

While it is good to know what the girl feels about this, even if she prefers flower girl, that would be the time to explain to her that when their is a choice like this, and only one person can be chosen, it is the bride, or host's choice. And that while you want her to be happy, you think she is very mature, and can handle a more responsible, hostessy type job. Because she should not learn that when her mother complains and gets nasty, she gets her way by being a bit chy mom. Not a good example for the child. Why don't manipulative moms like her realize what a bad example they set for their kids, that it is okay to be manipulative and stick your nose in, overruling a bride or event host, simply to get one's own way. Bad mommy.

Thank you Judith, I agree completely!