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Dedicated October 2019

fsil Drama

Future Mrs. B, on June 17, 2019 at 8:20 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 4

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I try to live a drama free life but it seems wedding planning brings the drama. FH's youngest sister makes very bad financial decisions (ie. She bought a Pelaton exercise bike when we told her that her Grandfather was dying and she would need to fly home to Pa to say her goodbyes or go to a funeral. When the time came that she needed to fly she threw a fit because she had no money to fly home.) She also, in my opinion, hasn't been that excited about our engagement or wedding, I would say she has been cold or stand offish. She is also engaged, and has said she was getting married in Jan then April everywhere from Lake Tahoe to the Swiss Alps. So, she is all over the place.
Last night my FFIL tells FH that FH's youngest sister has said several times that she isnt coming to the wedding, which also means her daughter will not be our flower girl. This little girl has been looking forward to our wedding for 2 years and now maybe wont be in it. I asked FH to reach out to his sister to see what was going on. Again, her excuse is lack of money. We offer to pay to fly her, her fiance and daughter back to Pa to attend the wedding because we want them there. She absolutely declines us helping her, in anyway...which makes think she doesnt want to come to the wedding at all. I don't know what to think or do, or if I want to do or worry about them at all. The only person I am really concerned about is her daughter as I know she is/was so excited to be in the wedding. The mean spirited, tired me thinks my FSIL has put herself in this situation and this is her consequence, we threw her a life line, she didnt accept it...OH WELL! Anyone who might have any rational, calm, logical, thoughts on what is really going on please comment below.

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4 Comments

Latest activity by Margaret, on June 17, 2019 at 10:56 PM

VIP April 2019
Nikita · on June 17, 2019 at 8:32 PM
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This can be so frustrating when you really want someone there, but they seem to be ditching you or completely disinterested in attending.
I suggest taking a step back and try not to assume why she's behaving the way she is. Just focus on the behavior, not the reasoning. She could be prideful, anxious, etc. If you try to rationalize it or focus on how mean spirited it is, you are getting sucked into a drama-vortex.
Instead, shift the conversations. When you guys next talk to her, direct it to "We would love for you to be there, but I understand you're struggling. I'm also said that ___ can't be there as our flower girl either, since I know how much she was excited for it." That might open up an entirely different conversation.
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Master June 2020
Anna · on June 17, 2019 at 8:36 PM
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Hey there!
So sorry things seem to be up in the air right now.
That, is a tough one. She may be embarrassed that she can't pay their way, or have mixed emotions about you getting married first.

The best way to find out, is to ask. Assuming doesn't give you answers, especially when we tend to assume the worst.
It may be something simple.

Just tell her what you wrote here, you want them there and you would be honored to have her daughter in the wedding.

Explain that if she and her fiancee can't make it, you would love to fly your niece out because you don't want to disappoint her, since you already asked her to participate.

Tell her it would mean a lot to you , if they were there to share your day and it won't be the same without them.

And that you would love to fly them out. Take the high road on the blame game...some people aren't good with budgets, some are.
It doesn't hurt to ask.
Good luck!
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Dedicated October 2019
Future Mrs. B · on June 17, 2019 at 9:07 PM
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Thank you for the advice unfortunately, she doesnt respond to my calls or texts so it all has to go through FH. Very frustrating. We get along in person just fine, we never have exchanged angry words and I have never felt there was an issue unless the wedding is being discussed. She also ignores any reach out from me that isnt "in person". The only time she has answered a text is about 3 years ago I sent her a text asking if her daughter received her Christmas gifts from us, and she snapped back that they were duplicates of the gifts she got from her Grandmother (FH's Mom) and that in the future I should research our gifts better to make sure they aren't duplicated. That turned out to be beef between FH's sister and mother more than being angry at me.
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Dedicated June 2020
Margaret · on June 17, 2019 at 10:56 PM
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I get Cato g and being wiser, but you can't change people or their behavior. I don't mean that in a nasty way, but all this energy you're putting into caring about her poor decisions is taking away from you.lovong on the present moment. Try to just keep the chaos out.
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