fsil Drama! Help!

Oooh, wow, so there are so many boundary issues here.

1. Why has FBIL not stopped this? This is his wife, and he should be telling her to knock it off.

2. You FH needs to tell her to knock it off.

3. ...What is her problem? Why did she do this in the first place?

4. Your FH really needs to stand up for you here.

5. This is his family, so it's FH's call... but I think he needs to learn how to stand up to his family.

This might be best sorted out by a professional counselor, honestly.

I think Rebecca nailed it. The fact that this woman has been able to get away with this behavior is mind blowing and as a grown woman, it’s appalling.
I don’t know if your FBIL would be attending the wedding if his wife were not invited, and I don’t know if your FH would be ok with that, but I think it’s time FH sand FBIL lay down the law.

My fiance is dealing with the same situation with one of his family members and we decided NOT to invite the significant other. However, if I or my fiance were invited somewhere and the other wasn't, neither of us would be attending so I definitely get the situation that you are put in. We just chalked it up as neither of them will be attending and we definitely respect it. It's "rude" to not invite spouses but at the same time its YOUR wedding day and the last thing you need is her being negative the whole day.

I certainly would not invite her, just the brother since it is so outward and known that she does not like you (and rightfully and you do not like her). I am sorry you are dealing with this. One of my closest friends has had many issues with her MIL who pretty much did the same, accused her of cheating right before their wedding. Who Does THAT???

View Quoted Comment Hello!
Thank you for your reply, I don’t like my FBIL, he’s very arrogant and conceited, even though he says he is sorry (which I do believe him), their relationship is a bit of a trainwreck and my FH and I havent spoken to them in about a year. My FH had to make the decision to separate us from the family for a year, so he’s definitely made it apparent that they won’t be treating me that way. As for her, I honestly don’t know what happened. She was fine at first and she would call me “sister” and stuff, but then once my FBIL started the rumors, she totally turned on me and backstabbed me after that. I confronted her about it and asked her why she would do that knowing it isn’t true and her answer was because she believes him and thinks im a manipulative b****. She even called my FH and started yelling at him once, she’s nuts. My FH absolutely cannot stand her. I would welcome counseling, I just don’t think they would.

View Quoted Comment Thank you,
That’s what I’m thinking, it’s just hard for me because I don’t like conflict to begin with. And ugh! I know a thing or two about terrible MIL’s! Mine is the same way, I’m sorry your friend went through that! That’s awful!

View Quoted Comment Thank you, She’s still going through it unfortunately. They’ve set boundaries and still if they’re at a family function she seems to always start drama. Good luck with everything! I hope you can figure out what’s best for you in this situation. 💕

View Quoted Comment

Whoa, it was your FBIL who started the rumors of you cheating?? Like, your future spouse's brother? Why is *HE* invited to the wedding, let alone his wife? They both sound like terrible people so I don't really understand why the wife is getting all of the ire. Your future spouse should decline to invite both of them, end of story.

View Quoted Comment No, you don't need to drag them to counseling, but your FH clearly has some family trauma (I get it... my entire family on my mother's side didn't come because of the invitations).


I'm sorry they are like this.

You should cut contact with them until the nastiness stops then after that feed them with a long handled spoon.

The two prime exceptions to inviting unmarried SO as a couple are when one is involved in illegal behavior, ranging from assault or abuse to ongoing, habitual supplementing their own and others drinks from their own drug or liquor supply. The last leaving the hosts liable for underage folks acquiring drinks, or drug gifts or sales, which may result in tragedy.
But the second applies here, ongoing hostile acts toward the couple or hosts, which reasonable discussion has not resolved. Just not liking someone's SO is not enough. But the specific list you gave should be brought to BIL , as, why we are not inviting your girlfriend. This is not passive mutual dislike. She is aggressively acting out against you, and you could bring suit for breeches in civil law.