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Devoted October 2021

fsil Drama Brewing

Susan, on January 9, 2020 at 11:07 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 1 9

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Our wedding is in 4 months (shout out to my May girls, hey girls!). My FH’s sister is VERY child-centered and whatever her girls want is what happens. My FH is generally a peacemaker and afraid to make waves.

We had asked FSIL and her two daughters to participate in the wedding— FSIL as a groom’s supporter, 14YO niece as a junior bridesmaid and 9YO niece as a flower girl (because my nieces and daughter are all that age and want to be flower girls—I know they’re a bit old for the job but whatever!). They all agreed to do it but...

The weekend of our wedding is some sort of music festival that his two nieces enjoy going to. We were informed that they would not want to be at our wedding if it interferes with their festival. (They attend but don’t perform).
Y’all, my FH is 41 and the prize of the family—they all treat him like gold. He has never been married. They’ve been waiting for this occasion for years. But now a music festival that they’ve gone to for years and can go to next year takes priority over their brother/uncle’s wedding?!
I’m leaving it to him but I know he’s worked up about it. He called his sister today and “strongly encouraged her” to show up.
Then she drops the bombshell that the 14YO wants to wear a suit and not a dress. This kid is a fairly serious actress and wears what she’s told all the time, but for the wedding in which she agreed to be a bridesmaid, she wants to wear a suit?!
I lovingly said “No thank you. She doesn’t have to wear a dress but we will have to figure out some other title for her to participate on the groom’s side.” And before anyone goes off on me, one of my flower girls is transgender, so I’m not opposed to that sort of thing in general. But I want the girls side to look fairly uniform.
I guess I feel a little like Bridezilla. The time crunch is getting to me and I’m wondering if the next 4 months will be like this with these people. And I actually like them. Just wish they’d make it easy on their brother/uncle.
Thanks for letting me vent!

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Susan, on January 13, 2020 at 4:36 PM

Savvy November 2022
Nathalie · on January 9, 2020 at 11:58 PM
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If she whats to wear a suit, then let her mom pay for it: and, give her the title of "the petit groomsmen".
or find her another task to do that you need filling.

yes, I do find it rude that they would rather go to an annual festival, then to be at their uncle's wedding.
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Champion June 2019
Gen · on January 10, 2020 at 12:02 AM
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It’s pretty awful that they’d rather go to that festival than their uncle’s wedding but honestly, it’s their loss if that’s what they choose. You can’t control anyone else’s behavior and you really don’t want them to come if they don’t want to be there, so I’d just let it go.

As for the suit, why can’t she wear a suit that matches the bridesmaids dresses? Or if you’d prefer it to look “uniform,” can’t she wear a suit and stand on your FH’s side?
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VIP February 2020
Julie · on January 10, 2020 at 12:03 AM
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Sorry but telling your young, impressionable niece "no thank you" was so not okay. She "is an actress" and wears what she's told because she's PLAYING A ROLE. She's wearing what the character would wear. At your wedding she's being herself! Your bridal party should be your nearest and dearest, and should be treated as such. They're real people, not just extras or props for your photos. Boo all of this.
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Super October 2020
Leslie · on January 10, 2020 at 12:33 AM
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I think it’s odd that they’re attending a music festival but then discussing what to wear to he wedding. She’s a teenager. Mom needs to grow a set and tell her no to music fest. The rest can be worked out.
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Super February 2020
Jeanie · on January 10, 2020 at 2:52 AM
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The whole thing sounds shady to me. It sounds as if they’ve known about your wedding and the wedding plans for a while, so why now with only a few months to go they bring up all these issues is just really strange. I would try talking to everyone together and see what’s really going on. And if they still insist that this music festival may prevent them from attending, I would thank them but tell them you want to take the stress of choosing off of them and are excusing them from your wedding.
So much time and effort go into planning a wedding, and it’s extremely selfish of them to tell you what they may or may not be doing the day of, and what they decided to wear without consulting you. You have the right to say no, and I don’t think you are wrong at all for doing so. What really should happen is for your fiancé to stand up to his family and tell them what is expected of them if they want to be in the wedding, end of story. Good luck, hopefully this is just your fsil having a brain fart or something!
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Devoted April 2020
Renay · on January 10, 2020 at 11:00 AM
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I don't really have any suggestions, but after reading the comments I felt compelled to tell you that I support all of your decisions. I don't think you are being a bridezilla at all. A bridezilla would have flat out kicked her out, or told her she could only wear a dress. If I read that correctly, you offered to move her to another position if she wanted to wear a suit. Here's my thing, if someone asks you to be a part of their day, and you accept, you do what they want. This day isn't about you, or your individuality, this day is about fulfilling their image of the day because you love them. I understand she is a teen, but it is moms responsibility to teach her that sometimes you don't always get what you want.
I actually had a fight with my FMIL because they have guardianship of a 7 year old, and she is one of our flower girls. FMIL has let her neighbor dye the child's hair (which is her right, I understand), but when she said something about having it dyed one of our wedding colors for the wedding, I politely asked her not to. I personally am not a fan, especially because it is always poorly done, but that is not the only reason. When I first said it, she was really nice about it, then a couple months later she said it again, and I reiterated that I REALLY do not want her hair to be dyed. It may be different if I actually felt that Mackenzie wanted to dye it, but she doesn't, its just FMIL trying to control something.
Also, my FMIL and one of my MOHs both threw a fit that I had a certain style picked out for the bridesmaid dresses and didn't let them pick. MOH has made it clear multiple times that she does not like it, and my FMIL stated she was sure some of my bridesmaid were bigger like me (she has never met most of them), and wouldn't appreciate being forced to wear something they wouldn't look good in (tulle skirts), after I had already purchased a tulle skirt for myself.
My point is, you and FH have the final say in what people look like for YOUR wedding.
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Devoted January 2021
Shelly · on January 10, 2020 at 1:52 PM
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It’s the moms fault. She should tell her kids that they are missing this years festival because their uncle is getting married. Weird that she would even let a child dictate what happens. Family comes first. I would offer for the girl to wear a matching jumpsuit maybe if she really doesn’t want to wear a dress. If she has to wear a suit, she can wear it as a guest or in another role. There is nothing wrong with you wanting a certain look at the alter. I get that they are people not props but kinda sounds like they are used to getting their way. And this is your day. I would have your FH deal with it. Too much unnecessary stress added to your plate personally.
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Dedicated February 2020
Mrsmtobe · on January 13, 2020 at 10:30 AM
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I’m with OP here and honestly shame on the person who shared this in a wedding shaming page on fb I see you
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Devoted October 2021
Susan · on January 13, 2020 at 4:36 PM
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Wow, I didn’t know such things existed. I will be far less likely to post now on these boards. Thanks for the heads up!
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