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Beginner June 2019

fsil as bridesmaid?

Olivia, on March 25, 2018 at 11:10 PM Posted in Planning 0 10

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Hi guys,

I just wanted to get some input/advice on how to go about this situation? I've always thought(before we got engaged) I would include my fiancé's sister as a bridesmaid, but after she got engaged and didn't have me as a bridesmaid I thought it would be kind of awkward to ask her to be one of mine, especially as we don't live near each other, have an 8 year age gap, and she's not been as close in our relationship as my brother has been for example. We don't have any conflicts, but the three bridesmaids I know I'm having are my best friend and my two cousins. I wouldn't mind adding her, however, my fiancé is struggling to find a third groomsman so he definitely won't be able to find a fourth lol. The biggest thing comes with the ring bearer. His sister had a baby last year so by the time of our wedding he will be 18 months old. He would be the youngest in the wedding party(having 3 flower girls all above age 4) but hes the only young boy in the family that we could use, and we both love him and both call him nephew. We both have said we would love for him to be the ring bearer, but I'm just thinking of getting an 18 month old down the isle if his mom isn't in the party to sort of hold his hand down the isle? The only solution I can come up with is to just take one of the flower girls and give them rings as well as flowers. Any advice/tips? Is it rude to ask her to have her son as the ring bearer and not include her? And if not, how can we go about getting him down the isle and taking pictures when they're still very attached to their mothers at that point lol.

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10 Comments

Latest activity by Kayla, on March 26, 2018 at 10:50 AM

April 2018
GoodMOB · on March 25, 2018 at 11:19 PM
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You could have him be the honorary ring bearer (don't give him the real rings), and his mother could be his escort. Then you've involved her without her needing to be a bridesmaid.
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Dedicated April 2019
Ashley · on March 25, 2018 at 11:28 PM
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I say add her. It’s alwAys a nice gesture to start out your relationship as family on a good note, my FH was not invited to be a part of his sisters wedding and was really her by it and it’s started his relationship with his brother in law out kind of awkward because of it. My FSIL is 8 years older than me but I asked her to be a part of it even though we are not close and so far it’s great. She has been really excited and involved and I think it’s going to start our relationship as sisters out really well
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January 2018
Private User · on March 25, 2018 at 11:39 PM
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Ugh. That's hard. I was in my FSIL's wedding but her and I were pretty good friends prior. When I got engaged of course I asked her to be one of mine. Now, if we had not been good friends, I think my fiance would have still wanted her as part of the bridal party since that is his sibling, therefore I would have had asked her. Since she's a sibling, I agree with PP, I would ask her. She could even stand on your FHs side if that isn't too weird.
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Expert May 2018
xRApril · on March 26, 2018 at 2:50 AM
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My nephew is going to be my ring bearer and my niece is going to be the flower girl. My nephew is only going to be 2, and he’s pretty shy but my FH is like his favorite person ever, so I figure if I have the flower girl and ring bearer walk together they will make it down the aisle! As for the SIL being a bridesmaid, I don’t think it’d be a big deal not to ask her to be in the wedding. My FH has 2 sisters and 2 SILs, but I only asked one of his SILs to be in our wedding.
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Savvy June 2018
Breanne · on March 26, 2018 at 5:02 AM
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I would have him walk down the aisle with the flower girls. I wouldn’t have her be a bridesmaids if you don’t want her to. She can corralle the kids before and after they walk down the aisle.

I have two fsil that are bridesmaids but I’m close to both of them and neither of them had expectations to be a bridesmaid.
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Dedicated June 2018
Jennifer · on March 26, 2018 at 7:18 AM
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I asked my FSIL. We are close but not best friends or anything and she had no expectations of being asked. I have my sisters in my party and I couldn’t imagine having a wedding without having her next to me as well. But these days if your FH wants his sister included and you don’t want her on your side or you have other people you prefer giving that role to he could ask her to be a grooms maid! My nephew is going to be ring bearer, he will be only 11 months so my junior bridesmaid will be pulling him down in a wagon (with an empty ring box) 😂
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Devoted April 2018
Jennifer M · on March 26, 2018 at 9:06 AM
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Your bridesmaids are you nearest and dearest. Do not add your FSIL out of some imagined obligation. If FH wants her involved, her can make her a groomswoman.

Sides do not need to be even. Don't miss out on adding someone, or not adding someone, or adding someone you don't want to, just to make the sides match in number.

Lots of infant/toddler ring bearers participate without mom being in the bridal party. Frequently a flower girl will pull in him a red wagon. When they get to the front, have mom (FSIL) sitting in the front row and give the ring bearer to her for the ceremony. Because let's be real, at 18 months, he's not going to stand or even sit still up front for the ceremony. But he can sit in his mom's lap in the front row reserved for immediate family.
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Mim · on March 26, 2018 at 9:10 AM
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I wouldn't have the fsil as a bridesmaid. She's not one of your nearest and dearest. Your fh might want to include her in his party if they are close.

I also wouldn't include the nephew. He's simply too young. He won't remember being involved, and as you noted getting him down the aisle would be a challenge. Encourage his parents to put a cute outfit on him and then take some special pictures with him.

Fwiw, my own daughter was that age when we married. She wasn't at the wedding, instead she spent the day being spoiled by a sitter. We did get her a special little dress and took pictures with her.
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VIP May 2018
PBiazinha · on March 26, 2018 at 9:29 AM
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I don't think you need her as a BM to have your nephew as a ring bearer. My friend's daughter is my flower girl and I did not ask my friend to be a BM. My FSIL is my maid of honor (and only BP member) and my other FSIL (married to FH's brother) is not in the wedding because we are not close enough - I was however, in her wedding last November, but she must have asked me out of obligation or because we feel different about each other. All in all, I would not (and I have not) ask anyone to be in the wedding unless I was a 100% sure I could not imagine getting married without, and that doesn't seem to be the case for you.
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Devoted September 2019
Kayla · on March 26, 2018 at 10:50 AM
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I don't think there is any issue with having your nephew and not her. You could have her walk down the isle with him. I have a similar situation, I am having 1 of my FSIL in my wedding and not the other. There have been slit of issues, but we are planning to ask her daughter to be a flower girl. You just have to do what is best for you!
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