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Savvy July 2019

Frustration

NikkiMJ, on June 2, 2019 at 10:16 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 3

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As per Indian tradition, my parents and whomever they would like to bring a them (not me) personally Hand deliver wedding invitations including all pre wedding events along with ladoos (dessert) to every family that is invited. (We mailed invites to everyone that is 4+ hours away) but my mom, dad, aunt and uncle spent 3 weekends delivering invites to over 300 guests .

This process has been going pretty smoothly, however my dads cousin is causing some stress.
I’m having a pretty big wedding of about 500 guests.
BUT, My dads cousin, who lives a couple hours away but is still semi close to my parents has done a couple things that have rubbed me the wrong way.

1) asked my mom to bring 2 extra invites for her guests from out of country (okay fine whatever)

2) after the invites have already been distributed calls my mom up and asks if it’s okay if she extends an invite to her DILs parents.
BG: we know her DILs parents (she knows this)
so if we wanted to invite them, we would have. Her DILs mom has said some pretty rude stuff about my family in the past (not my immediate family specifically, but just my family as a whole)
so that is why she wasn’t invited and that is why we don’t get along w them.
I’m really want to text her or call her and tell her how I feel about the situation. Just to inform her that DILs parents were not invited therefore will not be welcome.
Im not looking for advice or anything, I just wanted to vent because I couldn’t believe it!
My dads cousin is typically so amazing!

Idk if I’m overreacting from the stress of the wedding being so close or being to stressed from studying for the BAR exam.

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3 Comments

Latest activity by Pattie, on June 4, 2019 at 8:49 PM

Legend June 2019
Melle · on June 2, 2019 at 10:24 PM
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Ugh! I can feel I'd be frustrated by this too!
Some people can be really rude about guests lists like when people don't get plus ones or think you should invite this person, etc. Some people lose sight on the idea that your wedding isn't an open invitation to all and that it's not just some giant party everyone can go to, it takes a lot of planning per person.
Take a breather, collect yourself, and be firm about your stance. I know it's hard because you also don't want to appear rude or don't want your parents to be viewed upon badly (I know our parents were worried we were going to plan a bad wedding that would reflect badly upon themselves due to there being many of their own guests). But at the end of the day it's your wedding, so be happy and do what you want.
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Expert November 2020
Cheryl · on June 3, 2019 at 4:02 AM
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Aww, breathe! Fellow lawyer here and yes, bar prep is stressful enough. I see your wedding is on July 27th? When are your exam dates and which state? Have you talked to your parents yet about your concerns over these people potentially getting invitations, now? I know you wouldn't want to let them down, so it's probably good to consider their feelings as well. And yes, it is "your wedding" and you can "do what you want" but I think here it may be a tad bit more complex. In this case, depending on what your parents say, you may have to give up the invitations, but yes, rude comments about your family are terrible, as is asking for invitations for a third party that is distantly related. Hang in there and keep your eye on the prize!
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Expert June 2020
Pattie · on June 4, 2019 at 8:49 PM
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I would just say that the intended invites have been sent out and there will not be any additional given. Its tacky that they asked at all, even for their out of towners. Ultimately your call. If you don't want them there simply dont extend the invite.
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