Frustrated with guest list

I have to also figure out whose drinks?!? Whose isn’t and whose 13 and under?!?! How am I suppose to do this

What does your FH think of this? Why isn’t he putting his foot down with his parents?

Do not take a loan out for a wedding. You need to talk with your fiancé more so you can be on the same page.

Taking a loan out for a wedding is a bad idea. You should stay within your budget. My fiance and I already discussed how many people tops we would be willing to invite. We have people in our family trying to tell us who to invite. I told everyone that we'd take into consideration who they wanted but my fiance and I are the ones who have the last say. I explained that to the families that this is the set amount and we will not be going over that number no matter what. I'd try to get your fiance on the same page. Let him put his foot down with his family. It's not your responsibility to deal with his side of the family it's his.

You absolutely need to put your foot down for guest list. pay for what you can afford.

I agree with the other posters about your budget: do not take out a loan.


Although his parents are paying for a few things, that does not give them absolute authority on the entire event. I would sit down with your future spouse and have a conversation about the guest list and what you can realistically afford. I don't think it's fair that you only get 60 people while he gets hundreds. You should calmly explain this to him and ask that you come up with a solution together and agree to stick firmly to it, no matter what others try to guilt you into.
We had our parents give us their lists with the guests in rank order. The ones at the top were VIPs and went on from there. My family is also much larger than his, so we came up with a percentage that was fair to both of us so it wouldn't feel like we were at my family reunion with just a couple of people he knew there. It was also "easier" for us to cut because we each had a number, and anyone below that on our ranked lists was out.

View Quoted Comment I have a small family and he has a large. I have sat down so many times with him and he just doesn’t get it. It’s not just $15 a plate a food. It’s $15 for bar, $4 a cake, a chair cover, favor, like it all adds up and he just doesn’t get. I can’t use the venue as an excuse either because it holds 600... This is why I’m frustrated. I was fine with Vegas and he wants this big fancy wedding but doesn’t understand the cost and I keep showing him the numbers! Our budget is 15k I’m fine if we go over a tad! So far we have been awesome with deals and know people to help out but I’m already a bride on a budget and that guest list IS NO HELP!

Whoever is paying more for the wedding and especially who is paying for those mouths that are invited should have more of a say. Talk with your fiance and see who HE knows. I had that issue too and I simply gave him the list and asked who he truly knew and who he wanted to be there for the big day. Get rid of those people he would have to take a moment to remember. I have gone over my list many times to make sure my list was up to date and friends I wanted to be there would be or family I knew would come would be on the list.

Good luck!

View Quoted Comment

This is about so much more than just the guest list, small family vs. big family, and who's side is paying for more. It's very concerning that your future spouse doesn't (can't? won't?) understand budgeting, how costs add up, how to comprise, or work as a team. Can you pause wedding planning while you two see a couple's counselor? Or at least a financial counselor? These are MAJOR issues for marriage, let alone wedding planning.

Nobody should be taking out a loan for a wedding! Your FH needs to back you and put his foot down with his parents.

Is it possible that some of the people on his or his parents’ lists are duplicates? The two of you need to sit down and create your own guest list (family, friends, etc.) before deciding how many people parents can invite. We each sat down and wrote the following categories: family, friends, coworkers, other. Once we both did that and figured out the “plus one” situation, then we consulted with parents about who else they felt should be invited and were able to give them a number of people that could be added.

Both sets of our parents ended up wanting to invite more people than we had expected and they offered to pay the cost of each of their guests. Is that something your parents are willing to do?


I definitely don’t think getting a loan is the best solution. Do not go into debt because of your wedding. It’ll just add stress for you two as a newly married couple.