Dedicated October 2021

Frustrated with fmil

Madison, on July 18, 2021 at 2:44 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 6
So I just need to vent. I’m sorry if this is long.

I want to preface this by saying I love my Future MIL. She’s great! She’s super supportive and helpful, we get along well, she gets along well with my family and I’m so lucky I have a good relationship with her.
Anyway. I’m kinda frustrated because a few months ago when I started looking into hair and makeup for the wedding I asked her if she wanted her hair and makeup done as well. She doesn’t wear makeup really and she usually doesn’t do much with her hair except for straighten it. (Which is totally fine! I’m pretty similar) So at first she was hesitant because she didn’t want to look to “fake”, as she put it, but she said as long as it was a more natural look, she wanted to do it because it’s a special occasion. So the time comes to sign the contract and make the payment and I double check with her, my mom and my bridesmaids to make sure everyone wants hair and makeup. Everyone says yes, I go ahead and book it. Yay!
Fast forward about 2 months and the hair and makeup people send me a questionnaire to fill out and send back and there’s a section that asks for inspiration pics for each person. So I reach out and everyone sends me some hair and makeup pics they like. Well today my future MIL tells me that she just wants her hair straightened and she can do it herself. Which I’m totally fine with except for the fact that I already paid and signed the contract for both hair and makeup for her, and I can’t get a refund on it.
I don’t want her to feel bad or forced to do a different look that she would feel uncomfortable or not herself. I want her to feel beautiful too! But now I’m basically out $150.
It’s not the end of the world, and like I said I want her to feel confident and beautiful so if she just wants her hair straightened that’s totally fine! It’s just kind of frustrating.


Latest activity by Casey, on July 19, 2021 at 8:27 PM
  • J
    January 1895
    Jessa ·
    • Flag

    Your frustration is understandable. In your shoes, if I didnt want to harm my relationship with my mother in law I would do one or all of these things. Call and see if the HMU would be willing to modify the contract. Is there anyone else close to you that would like hair and makeup? Family member, close close friend, officiant, reader etc..... Explain to my future mil that I tried to fill her slot and could not and that I am contractually obliged to pay the money. (maybe let her know that Hair stylist hair straightening usually looks better anyway. Plus they have good products to prevent frizz.) If she is reasonable, I think she will understand and offer to pay or just join in the day.\

    • Reply
  • Meghan
    Expert September 2021
    Meghan ·
    • Flag
    My sister in law did the same exact thing. I reached out to my makeup artist right when I found out and asked to modify contract. I actually haven’t received one back so gonna follow up. If I’m unable to remove the charge I’m just gonna cover it.
    • Reply
  • T
    Super April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
    • Flag

    1. Ask your stylist if you can do 1 fewer service.

    2. If not, then you say: "Hey FMIL, it's totally fine if you just want to straighten your hair! Unfortunately I already booked the hairstylist based on the number of services people indicated they wanted back in [when you booked] so it will still be $150. Let me know what you want to do. Thanks!"
    Some people will say you never know what's going on with someone's finances, etc. but the reality is most people just change their minds and that doesn't mean you should be out $150 for a service no one will be able to use. When you make a commitment, you make a commitment.
    • Reply
  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
    • Flag
    I think it’s fair to tell her that services have already been booked and paid for — I think it’s important that she know, because she may be backing out because she *doesnt* want you to have to pay for something simple she can do at home. I’d let her know everything is booked and paid, and that you’re sure the stylist would be happy to do the straightening (and maybe that you’re looking forward to that getting ready time together). One of my bridesmaids only ever wears her hair straight, but I wanted to include her in the services. She just got a simple blow out but it was nice for her not to have to do it herself!
    • Reply
  • SHY
    Master January 2022
    SHY ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I agree with this and with Mcskipper's response as well. She confirmed with you twice that she was good to go for hair and makeup, so if your stylist can't/won't modify the contract, then I think it's more than fair to let her know that the services still have to be done, or else you're out the $ it would be to cover her.

    Your hair stylist can give her straight hair, or just do a blowout like Mcskipper mentioned.

    • Reply
  • C
    Super December 2021
    Casey ·
    • Flag
    If your stylist won't shuffle the funds or you have nothing else you want done from the stylist, I would bring it up but I wouldn't bring up the exact cost, and I would phrase it as an opportunity to relax, bond, etc. Something like "it's already paid for, might as well let the stylist stylist pamper you! She can straighten your hair, we can have a mimosa Smiley smile"
    • Reply

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