Frustrated and hateful towards wedding

When is the wedding? July of this year or July of next year? Your post says July 2017 and your bio says August 2018.

Have you sat down and had a conversation about this with FH? A date night with no wedding or planning talk might clear the air. Have you guys considered couples therapy or premarital counseling? These feelings and issues won't just disappear when the wedding gets here. If you can't think happy thoughts about your FH long enough to even write your vows, there may be trouble on the horizon.

View Quoted Comment August 4th 2018. Her posts says July 2017 is when they booked the venue for the wedding to be this year

Sorry we booked the wedding in july of 2017 for the wedding date of august of 2018

View Quoted Comment

Sorry, my mistake!

It is very easy to have resentment when you feel someone isn’t pulling their weight. Ask yourself these questions....Is his job taking extra time? He is working longer to afford the wedding? Do you talk about things other than the wedding? Have you spoken to him and asked for his help and given him specific things to accomplish? Besides the wedding does he plan other events such as cook outs, bday parties, get togethers? I am asking as most guys don’t even know where to start. Most also assume it is up to the Bride to make these decisions as they have been brainwashed into thinking its her day not his. I would try to sit down and explain your frustration. Tell him that you wanted your wedding to actually be planned between the two of you and somehow this didn’t happen. Is there anything he can help with now? If there is give him a detailed list of what he needs to do. He may also have stepped back and decided not to help as he saw that not only you were planning it but both mothers were helping. Try to just let it go. You are almost to the finish line and honestly the wedding is about the two of you loving each other and making the commitment to be together forever! Think about the happy times and let the wedding planning mess stay behind!

I feel yah. Can you get a nanny for a night out? Try looking at old photos of you two together? Try to remember why you are together in the first place and make a list of things he is helpful with

I've been so frustrated that i have forgotten how he is sacrificing (working more) for this wedding too. I'm thinking a night out without talking about the wedding and enjoying each others company would probably help a lot!

My two cents...

Wedding planning isn’t for everyone and I think that is especially true for guys... it is typically “our day” or so everyone says.

sounds like you need a break from the planning too. Can you plan a little family getaway and refrain from all wedding talk? Try to get back to you as a couple and remember why you are together.
If wedding planning isn’t his thing, it shouldn’t have such a impact to your overall relationship - is this the final straw of red flags you have had for years or just an “he doesn’t plan weddings well” thing?
could it also be - if he provided any input in the beginning and he was shot down by you and the moms, then maybe it made him assume he belonged in the back seat of the process...make sure you didn’t cause the behavior before you get too mad at him for it...


good luck, take some deep breaths, it will all work out how it is supposed to :-)

Definitely take a weekend away from planning, drop your child off with a grandparent, and enjoy time just you two alone with no wedding talk. It helps you reset and feel reconnected with your FH. I do that frequently to avoid burn out. Good luck!

Men really don't get into wedding planning, even if they want the wedding. my FH just kinda tells me things he likes when i come to him for his opinion and helped with the guest list and thats about it. you should talk to him about it though because if it's bothering you he can atleast try.

The two of you NEED to talk. I like to think I see two sides of every story and I want to say this...
Perhaps he doesnt know what role or amount of help you want. Maybe he feels he would be in the way if he helped. I could be so wrong on that, but without talking, who knows for sure. If you feel you have expressed to him what you want out of him for help, have you done so calmly or in an arguement? I only ask because my husband wont recall a thing I scream at him if arguing, but if we sit down and talk it over, he is right on it.

Maybe the two of you need a night or weekend off together. See if one of your parents or someone can care for the little one and take some time. TALK, TALK AND TALK some more. Maybe over lunch or dinner. I find if I have things I need to talk about that are making me angry, a public place is where I like to be to have a conversation so that I stay in control.

I hope you can work thru this together. You'll be much happier now if you do.

Take some time off from planning... I had to do that. My FH wanted all the bells and whistles and sat down and did nothing. We are a few days out and I finally had to tell him his lack of help was selffish. I took a day off of planning and no talk of planning. We had to take time to get back to the place we needed to be at so that we are solid going in.

I agree that taking a break usually helps. My husband did not help much until we got real close to the wedding, to be honest two months before the wedding is when he really got into it. At first I was like "NOW?!" But then I realized he just is not into that stuff, I am the planner for all events, I have always been, I am the one that organizes trips with friends, and dinners, and birthdays - I cannot expect that by a miracle he would be super into wedding planning. I took all help he could offer on the last two months prior to the wedding and it was super fun! I think because I embraced his help and actually thanked him for helping he understood that I needed that and got even more active. Maybe explaining how you want inputs and how important it would be for you. Also praise him when he does something nice to help you! Men sometimes need that to "get it".

Think about the good things and the reasons why you end up deciding to marry him in first place, then go from there. Also try to see the wedding as something you want, even tho you did not in the beginning, now you are on the same page to have it, so might as well think of things you want and enjoy the day!

I hope you find a way! Good luck!

You have over a year until your wedding. You can easily take a several month break from planning to concentrate on having a relationship. Always remember that a wedding is only a day, but a marriage is a lifetime (we hope). As long as you have a place, food, drink, an officiant and a marriage license, your planning can be over.

View Quoted Comment Her wedding is August 2018, that's only 2 months out. But I do agree with the rest of what you said 🙂