M
Dedicated September 2020

Frustrated about rude ring comments

M, on November 11, 2019 at 2:21 AM Posted in Wedding Attire 0 30
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So I hadn't seen my dad for ages. I had just gotten engaged and showed off my ring to him and he made the rudest remark. He's not a man of refinement or culture. Generally, he is blunt and often sounds rude.
Still, I am a very sensitive person and was extremely offended. I personally designed the ring setting after Belle Epoque and Edwardian aesthetics. He said that it looked fake because of the setting and like it was from a dime and penny store but that it was okay. Inside, I was thinking, "Of course, it's okay! Who are you to have a say in it!" He saw that I was annoyed and said it was because it was unusual and too grand.

He's generally a man of bad taste in my opinion. He says that the Palace of Versailles and many other beautiful places are hideous. Etc. The list would go on forever. He offered my stepmom money rather an engagement ring. Moreover, my mom had to pick a smaller and bad quality diamond because he didn't want to buy her the one she picked. She didn't even ask for a very expensive one. He's probably a better father than he is a husband.

Knowing this, I'm still very bothered and want to confront him in a more aggressive manner. It's only 2.5ct, but when it came in the mail, my bf said that the diamond looked so big that it looked fake. My fiance isn't callous enough to keep saying that unlike my father.

2.5ct isn't even that big. Normal people have 3-5ct rings.

Am I the only one getting this flak?

30 Comments

  • M
    Expert September 2020
    Marcia ·
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    I think that if you don’t agree with his taste in general, you should let it go. What will confronting him about it accomplish? If you and your FH are happy with the ring, that’s what matters.
    • Reply
  • Ann-Marie
    Savvy July 2020
    Ann-Marie ·
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    Normal people have 3-5 ct rings? Really? Where are you from where that is 'normal'?
    • Reply
  • Brandi
    Devoted November 2020
    Brandi ·
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    Lol. Agreed.
    • Reply
  • Brandi
    Devoted November 2020
    Brandi ·
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    Like Marcia said - If you love it, keep it moving. You already know how dad is. I wouldn’t waste time being bothered by his comments.
    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag

    I actually Googled the average diamond weight of an engagement ring in the USA because your post was so absurd and it looks like average is about 1.08 to 1.2 carats. I don't think that anyone should be shamed of their choice of engagement ring, but most people are well aware that wearing a huge flashy ring is going to warrant feedback. It's unfortunate that your dad doesn't like your ring, but the good thing is, you're not marrying him. Confronting him isn't going to get you anywhere.

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  • Taylor
    Rockstar October 2020
    Taylor ·
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    Uhhhh same train of thought as you... lol

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  • Amber
    Rockstar February 2020
    Amber ·
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    I agree with PP's, I don't know of anyone with 3-5 carats, let alone that being the norm. 2.5 is huge to me, but there's nothing wrong with that. That being said, you can expect people to think your ring is fake if it's that big/flashy. Mine is only 1 carat and my mom and sister asked me if it was fake.

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  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
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    I was thinking the same but to each their own and as long as the person wearing the ring is happy with it, so be it.

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  • Btbride
    Super August 2019
    Btbride ·
    • Flag
    I’m not going to shame you for wanting a big diamond because there’s nothing wrong with that! But 3-5 carats is definitely not the “norm” unless you happen to live in an extremely wealthy area. 5 carats is like, celebrity ring size territory, haha.
    As far as your dad’s comments, they’re rude and uncalled for, but there’s not a lot gained to confronting him on this so I’d just let it go, especially if he has a history of such rudeness. You love your ring and that’s the only thing that matters, truly. Nobody else has to like it but you!
    • Reply
  • Anna
    Rockstar June 2020
    Anna ·
    • Flag
    Hey!
    I'm a proud owner of a half carat diamond and wouldn't have it any other way.

    It was a gift from my fiancee to me and I cherish it.

    I think your hurt and frustration are deeper than just this one comment on your ring.

    In the end no matter what our relationship is with our parents, we all seek their approval.
    He really hurt you with his comment and rather than confront him with anger, just tell him that you love your ring and he really hurt your feelings and leave it at that.

    In the end, the only one that needs to love your ring, is you.
    Other opinions don't matter at all.

    We are all entitled to our opinions and his view of the world is not yours.

    Don't let a rude comment change you and make you bitter. You don't want to sink to his level. Just brush it off, enjoy your ring and move on.

    Congratulations! It will be ok, I promise.
    • Reply
  • M
    Devoted January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    Yes, to all of this! You love it, so be confident in your choice and ignore any negative comments. You can't change people. What could possibly be the purpose of "confront[ing] him in a more aggressive manner"??

    Also, since you don't like your dad's taste and he doesn't appear to like yours, be aware that there may be a repeat of this conversation throughout your wedding planning. You will be doing yourself a huge favor if you can learn to let this sort of thing go (and plan to not share any more details with him than he needs to know).

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  • M
    Dedicated September 2020
    M ·
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    Haha just from reading lots of wedding forums. But I've also read that bigger rings are more common in NYC
    • Reply
  • M
    Dedicated September 2020
    M ·
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    Oh, wow! I never knew people who ever ask something like that of an engagement ring
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  • M
    Dedicated September 2020
    M ·
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    Thanks. That's really true about the approval.
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  • M
    Dedicated September 2020
    M ·
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    Thanks everyone. You're right. Confronting him never really works in general since he never apologises for his rude comments to me ever.


    Haha maybe I'm just too sensitive.
    • Reply
  • Anna
    Rockstar June 2020
    Anna ·
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    You are not too sensitive. You are human. The ones we love, (especially family) can always hurt us like no one else can.

    Just know, that your ring is perfect, just the way it is and so are you! ❤
    You just wanted him to be excited and thrilled with the ring like you are, and he let you down.

    I'm truly sorry! We are all happy with you and for you.
    Hang in there!
    • Reply
  • M
    Dedicated September 2020
    M ·
    • Flag
    Thanks. You're a dear.


    I've heard that I should expect negative feedback. To all those who have had rings for a while, when does this happen? Out of the blue? Trying to prepare myself. I'm usually shocked easily since I'm very polite and and always expect others to be in general
    • Reply
  • Andrea
    Expert May 2020
    Andrea ·
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    Agreed. And a pretty snarky thing to say 🙄🙄
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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
    • Flag

    Not true about the carat #. The typical carat for the center diamond in an engagement ring is 0.9 carats, or at least it was when I got my ring. Not saying that's what my ring is, I'm just saying that was the standard size. I have several friends with very large rings but I can't imagine telling them it looks fake. And even if it is fake, WHO CARES. I just wouldn't talk about anything wedding related with your father going forward.

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  • M
    Devoted January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    I don't think you should necessarily expect negative feedback about your ring specifically (your Dad was one case where you probably should have expected it, based on his past behavior).

    But I do think it's good advice to assume you will get all sorts of opinions about wedding-related stuff and to just ignore any negativity (unless it's from someone whose opinion you trust and they are trying to get you to reconsider an unwise plan). The best way to avoid unwanted opinions is to be very careful who you share wedding details with and keep the sharing to a minimum.

    And yet, humans love to give unsolicited advice, so receiving it and learning to let it roll off your back is just part of life.


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