Ok, so my friend just got engaged! YAY! She is wanting a small ceremony at her fiance's and mom's suggestion followed by a reception dinner. The guest list is, well bride's side-heavy. What I mean is, my hubby has been friends with the groom for many years and I got to know the groom too before the bride (who I am also now close friends with). The issue is, not that she wants a small ceremony, but that it seems she is only inviting my husband and another good friend of the groom's BECAUSE they are married to her friends (who she met thru the groom). Also, she is planning to do a full shebang 2 weeks after the ceremony, (so it's not a venue or money issue at all. In fact this current way would be more expensive, since it includes 2 receptions). The shebang to celebrate will include all her out of state friends, his friends, the church folks, other family and kids. This is her normal style, she is an extrovert and wants lots of people, but she thinks she won't be able to focus during the ceremony part if there's lots of guests (so her mom and fiance feel). (This makes no sense to me or my hubby, choosing to focus is a choice! Whether you have 5 guests or 50 the moment is surreal and it's hard to take it all in. We know it was for us. That's what videos and pics are for 
) So the sticky situation is: by shorting her guest list, she is cutting out people that her groom is close friends with, that both of them see and frequently invite to their home and his best friends. I feel it is very faux pas and plain rude. I have tried to explain to her both of these pieces of advice that A) she will be prone to more stress because of having to explain to close friends why they aren't invited, as well as wedding stress in general, not to mention that the wedding is in 5 months and she doesnt even have a dress yet, and B) You should invite those you communicate with on a reg basis / invite into your home, unless you go to the JP by yourselves or make it fam only, or do a destination wedding. You shouldn't invite the bride's friends but not an equal chunk of the grooms IMHO. She received my suggestions, but has already made up the invites. Another piece that isn't coming out well is that they decided to get married on a Monday, arguing that it was good for (a select few) that would have to come in from out of town. Sadly, this makes little sense. The wedding is in the evening, so things will probably wrap up late. My husband, anyone from out of town and other friends who I know are on the guest list will need to go to work Tues morning (my hubby very early - 6AM). So using the argument that a 3 day weekend (Sat- Monday) is better for those traveling is, well not plausible. It would make more sense then to get married on a Saturday or Sunday. She expects all her guests to take the day off or get a half day. My husband was livid about this, not to mention only seeming to be invited because of me and not the fact that he is close to the groom. He feels that she is over-controlling the guest list, and the groom, who is just rolling over and appeasing her. I understand that it is their wedding, and they do have every right to do what they want, but I think what they are doing is quite hurtful and self-centered and going to do more to divide their existing relationships. My hubby tried to talk to the groom about the Monday issue, separately from being quite hurt that his brother among other friends in our close circle are not invited (unless their wives, including me, are friends of the bride). He is going to talk to him sometime this week about that, and wishes I would talk to her- again. I just feel so stuck in the middle. This friend often brings me places very willingly since I don't drive, and we see each other often. Actually we became friends thru her fiance. Of course, my loyalties are with my husband and no matter what I will choose that relationship, but this is the first strong girl friendship I have had in years and I want to willingly help my friend plan her wedding without things being tense between the 4 of us. Help?
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