Friends wedding before mine

Hi Theresa. I dont think you are acting childish at all. I mean a picnic...come on. A true friend would want to be there for you on your day no matter what else is going on. Have you told her how you'd feel about her not coming? You are definitely not being petty.

I definitely told them that! I told them that I'd be offended if they were not there on my wedding day. I was engaged before to a cheater and it took me years to trust anyone and now that I FINALLY have someone great, I would have thought at least my cousins fiance would be pretty excited about that since we have known each other 8yrs!

You're definitely not being petty. If it were me, I wouldn't even talk to them if they chose a picnic over attending my wedding especially if I'm going to be in their wedding party next year.

Wow! well yours is a holiday weekend. this is always a risk with plnning a holiday wedding b/c people tend to take vacations and have family gatherings around holidays.. that just jumped out at me b/c my sister's bday is the 5th and it always falls close to the holiday. THAT BEING SAID....i don't think i would put forth the effort to pinch my pennies to make it to her wedding if she is already letting you know that she's going to skip your wedding. Good friends get married once (if we're lucky). I think I would opt to go to my friend's wedding if we were that close.

Now I really think you should do what current circumstances allow. You can totally use finances to justify not attending the wedding 2 wks prior to yours. But I wouldn't immediately rule out the 2011 wedding. If they both had other legitimate reasons for not being able to make it would you feel differently? If you get preggo then I would back out, otherwise it will just make you look petty I'm afraid.

Omg i am so mad at your so called friends and i dont even know them. if you told them how you feel and they still are chosing the picnic over your wedding that is just ridiculous. would your cousin still come to your wedding or is he going to the picnic too? you can have a picnic anytime but your wedding is once in a lifetime.

I do not think you are acting childish at all! She scheduled a picnic (come on, a PICNIC?) the DAY OF your wedding? I agree completely with October bride! If she was any friend, she would be there on your day no matter what (that goes for both women). This just shows she is self-absorbed and whatever she does comes first. I would be bitter. Congratulations on your upcoming marriage. =)

You're def not being childish! In my opinion, those that I'm important to will come to my wedding regardless of what else is going on (well, you know depending on circumstances...) If someone I felt close to decided not to go to my wedding because of some picnic that suddenly came up I would be ticked! If I were you I would tell both of them if they don't come to yours, your wont be at theirs. Good luck with everything!

In a way I do feel as if I am being petty, but the main reason we chose Sept. 4th is because all my family from out of town will be here, even the family that haven't been home in 5 years. My friend is engaged to a family member of mine who I know wants to be at my wedding, but he is obviously going to do what makes his fiance happy (smart men do that lol) I guess I am just more upset about it than anything. Her family is close and see each other often, a lot of my family live out of state and we rarely see them at all. I know it's just a couple of people, but when someone is a very close friend you would think their wedding would at least get a thought before just saying "I won't be there" right away. I'm sure I will get over it though! Nothing can ruin my special day!!

I would do the same thing. I would say forget them. People have cookouts all the time. And your wedding only comes next. To show them how serious you are I would not attend neither of their engagement.

Wow, that would hurt me too. If this were my situation, my DH would call me petty for not going to this "close friend's" wedding. I guess we would end up going, but I would not get her a nice gift, since I guess we are not so close. On the other hand, maybe these sisters will make it up to you. They might still be there for you for your shower, bachelorette, etc...I guess don't say that you won't be in the sister's wedding in 2011 right this minute. That will make you look petty. It is up to you. You could claim financial constraints and busy wedding and baby planning in a few months . I guess if their family is so close, the sister could always get another relative as her bm.

I cannot believe they are choosing a stupid picnic over such an important day. In my opinion i would not go to their weddings at all. I would completly opt out. that is just unheard of. What kind of friends are they? I mean are you serious a freakin picnic. I would be at your wedding and i would really reconsider their feelings toward you. You are not as important to them as they are to you. Girl you need new friends. I would have changed my picnic for you.

That's a tough situation. I really see both sides. I understand the disappointment of freinds not being able to make it to your wedding. But at the same time, if their family is close then I'm sure they look forward to all of their family gatherings regardless of how often they get together or whether it's a picnic or a formal banquet.

I missed a friend's wedding a few years ago b/c he got married a week after my dad's wedding. Me and my sister had already made our travel arrangements and I was not about to tell my sister we had to leave a day earlier so I can make someones wedding who she doesn't even know. Family time is cherished. Just like you're looking forward to the time together with your faimly. Don't begrudge them b/c they happen to have the opportunity more often.

She is making my cousin go with her to her family picnic instead of being at my wedding. I don't think that is very fair of her to do. If the roles were reversed, I'd be at her wedding over a picnic. A wedding is one of the most important days of a girls life and I would want to share in my friends day, even if that meant going to the picnic during the day and my good friends reception in the evening. But that wasn't even an option for her it seems like. I just think it's her way or no way, and if I really meant that much to her then she would find a way to make both. I am a little stubborn, but I guess I am just more hurt because trying to make both wasn't even an option when my reception doesn't even start til 6. Dinner is even at 7 which is plenty of time to make both I would think.

Oh Theresa I see. I think when you mentioned that you were going to try to make your friend's wedding regardless of money I assumed you'd have to travel for the wedding and then further assumed that the family gathering was also out of town. But if the family picnic is in the same town then yes I REALLY understand the hurt feelings. No reason they can't at least make it to the ceremony and kiss you on the cheek before heading out to be with their family. I'm really sorry. I know that must be very hurtful.

Yeah, I'm sure I will get over it, but right now it's just a bummer. I had to cut my list drastically and they made the cut, but I guess since they won't be there, I can invite other people. If it was out of town, I would have totally understood 100%!

We are also getting married on a holiday weekend, but took into consideration that many families have reunions and picnics around that time of the year. I guess I have a different view point in that at least they are telling you way ahead of time that they wont be able to make it. Some people take family functions veryy seriously, especially if they are the the ones hosting the gathering. I dont know if I think you are being petty persay, I just think you are dissapointed that someone so close has another engagement on the day of your wedding. If they are really your close friends, you should be able to tell if this was intentionally or if the cards just fell this way. Like I said, that kind of goes with the territory of getting married on a holiday weekend, and at least they told you 9 months in advance.

I agree that your "friends" are way out of line. I am sure they could probably go to both your wedding and the picnic anyways. That is stupid they won't be there for you on your special day, yet they expect you to be there for theirs. But even though I'd be really mad, it wouldn't make me skip their wedding. Try and be the bigger person.

Have you asked them about that? That maybe they can make it to the reception? Do you still want them there? It might be nice to ask. Maybe they think it is rude to not go to the ceremony and then go to the reception. Some ppl take the reception as a thank you for attending the ceremony and that only freeloaders go to the reception and not the ceremony part. Maybe if they hear the ok from you, they will show up!....

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It's true that ppl who truly care will be there for you, will do so happily and easily. We had a few friends, who could only make it to the ceremony portion and skipped the reception. It was a two hour drive for them and they could not spend all day and night with us! But boy, were they kind with their compliments, were so happy for us on our wedding day, and actually gave us nice gifts to boot. We didn't even feed them or ply them with alcohol. Wow. This was of course, different from the distant relatives who came just to eat at the reception dinner and gawk.

Oh yes, they know where I stand on everything. I am definitely not one to keep anything to myself. I guess time will tell what happens. I'm not going to stress about it anymore though. I appreciate everyones comments, thank you so much!!