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Dedicated September 2019

Friend's rsvp but baby due 3 weeks before?

Jessica, on August 22, 2019 at 9:15 AM Posted in Planning 1 21

We have this couple friend - they are newly married. This is his first marriage, her second. They have their first kid together due 3 weeks before our wedding (but it's her second kid, she has one from a previous marriage). Anyway, we would love for them to attend; however, there was this understood thing that they very well might not be able to make it because..well, people don't usually have a baby exactly on time unless its a c-section (or induced but even then). Even if the baby was born on that day, or even a few days before, I don't know how they would then drive 2.5 hours and find child care for a newborn. Anyway, what does one do in this situation? She said that doesn't know how to RSVP, that they are going to do everything they can to attend, but that she can't control when the baby comes. I said, well, keep us in the loop and we can revisit as we get closer. It's pretty close, the catering order is due in 2 weeks, and I'm trying to figure out what to do here. (They did RSVP yes). What would you do? I also have a great aunt who said "to mark her as a yes but that she might not be able to come because she is in a lot of pain and scheduled a big surgery 3 days after the wedding". She's more of a grandmother than a great aunt - obviously we're making an exception for her - you can't control pain - but knowing that we now have at *least four people in this situation (great aunt's husband is the 4th), we aren't sure how to handle. Gah!

21 Comments

Latest activity by Reeshma, on August 22, 2019 at 11:23 PM
  • Heather
    Expert October 2019
    Heather ·
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    I would mark your friend as a yes. They rsvped yes. It’s not up to you to worry about their drive or child care. She obviously wants to attend and is trying her best. It’s great you’re so understanding that they really do have no control over when the baby will make its entrance.
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    I would include them and hope for the best. If this is her second child, it’s possible her doctor already has a plan for induction if she doesn’t go into labor on her own. Newborns are typically the exception to the no kid rule, so they wouldn’t need to find childcare.

    Another option is to talk to your caterer about this and see if you can add people closer to the wedding. Then you could leave these people off the list until the week of.
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  • Sarah
    Dedicated September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    Yikes! Definitely following this post. We have friends that are due three days before our wedding and are trying to come- makes me super nervous. She’ll either be over due and miserable or have a couple day old baby that I couldn’t picture her leaving or wanting to bring around so many people. FH says there is nothing we can do
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  • Mcskipper
    Rockstar July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
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    Speak with your caterers/venue to find out how late you can add people — my numbers were officially due 2 weeks before the event. But they said I could add people up to 48 hours before the event. So, when I had someone that was a “yes but ?” due to a potential health issue , I left them off the count until the latest I could— though planned for them in every other way (seating chart, etc ), and then I added them in once I hadn’t heard anything indicating that they couldn’t come. Not every venue/vendor will work like that, but, it’s always worth asking!
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  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
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    Definitely include them but keep in mind that expecting her to leave a nursing newborn at home is very much considered a no no.

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  • Chandra
    Master May 2019
    Chandra ·
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    Question, are you having plated meals or a buffet? We had a buffet and our caterer planned for like 5% over the final number of guests.
    I would still mark them as a yes and ask the caterer what the hard deadline is.
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  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
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    I agree that I would include them in the caterer count just in case!

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  • J
    Dedicated September 2019
    Jessica ·
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    It's a split menu per plate (so like a beef and a fish). Buffet would make it way easier!

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  • J
    Dedicated September 2019
    Jessica ·
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    I would never expect that - that's why we would completely understand them not making it. However, we have 14 newborn babies 8 months or younger - so we are doing a no kids or babies policy. I've been to one wedding with babies they screamed through the ceremony and the speeches.

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  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
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    If it were me, I'd include them into the count & plan as if they are coming. Hopefully they are able to make it. If they don't show, then unfortunately that is one of the risks we take when planning a wedding. Count yourself lucky though, I ended up with roughly 36 no shows....talk about annoying.

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  • J
    Dedicated September 2019
    Jessica ·
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    I don't understand! Having a baby is wonderful and amazing, but it's also a major life change, including lessened flexibility to go wherever, whenever. I would never RSVP yes to a wedding that's occurring three days after I'm supposed to pop out a kid . . .

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  • J
    Dedicated September 2019
    Jessica ·
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    OMG are you KIDDING???? How many people RSVPed yes? Did you have a huge wedding? Yikes, what the heck.

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  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
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    Invited 245, roughly 100 or so RSVP'd by the deadline, we did follow up calls, and ended up with around 162 for our final count. It was a big wedding...but still...when I think about all of the money I spent & wasted on 36 people that RSVP'd yes but didn't show, I'm aggravated to say the least.

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  • J
    Dedicated September 2019
    Jessica ·
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    Wow that's INSANE! I am expecting almost *exactly 162 guests (we are following up on the last of our RSVPs, though I have a good sense of who's coming at this point). I am anticipating a number of no-shows just knowing certain flaky people on the guest list - but trying to keep it to a minimum none-the-less. I still can't believe you had over 30 no-shows. How incredibly rude.

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  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
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    Yes, very rude. We still had a great time with the people that were there though.

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  • Cristina
    Devoted December 2021
    Cristina ·
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    It is surprising that she would RSVP yes considering it's 2.5 hrs away and passed her due date. I have 2 kids and my first I had to be induced on my due date(already dilated to a 3). My second was supposed to be a planned c section. She came 3 weeks early via emergency c section. I would add them for the meal count just in case but I would prepare myself for them not coming.
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  • Laurinston
    Dedicated September 2019
    Laurinston ·
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    Caterers always prepare for extra guests. If I were in your situation I would leave them out of the count and pay the caterer afterwards for the extra guests.

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  • L
    Lady ·
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    I would include them in your catering count and seating chart since they RSVP'd yes, same for your aunt. If they can't show up, there's not much you can do at that point anyway. But it's up to them. Dont' make the decision for them by not planning for them to come.

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  • Mareika
    Savvy August 2021
    Mareika ·
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    Yikes, if I were them I unfortunately would have RSVP'd no! I don't think newborns can even go out in public until they reach a certain amount of weeks and get the right shots? I'm not an expert, but it seems like they are cutting it way too close. If it were me, I would tell them don't stress about coming, let's set a date to celebrate just the 4 of us when baby is all settled in.

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  • Kellie Martinez
    Super October 2019
    Kellie Martinez ·
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    If she said yes, mark yes. It is unfortunate that she may not be able to attend; I have a few guests who are in the same situation so we may have some left over food.

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