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Emily
Just Said Yes August 2023

Friends being unsupportive - should i disinvite them?

Emily, on February 24, 2023 at 11:59 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 1 8
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Apologies for the length on this! In a nutshell I have a group of 4 friends who I was roommates with for all of college. We were a tight knit group, but as soon as I started dating my now fiancé, they were noticeably different. They would make nasty comments to his face and tell me that he wasn’t good enough for me etc. eventually they put on a front that they tolerated him once they realized that we were in it for the long haul. Fast forward 5 years and we are engaged! I’m not close enough with these girls for them to be bridesmaids, but I did invite everyone on my bachelorette. In a separate group chat they all agreed that they wouldn’t attend (made an excuse that it was too expensive). I totally understood and had no problem. Now I find out that each of them have planned international (very expensive) trips with other groups of friends. They haven’t reached out to me in months and have not been supportive of my engagement. I’m really hurt that they would lie about why they wouldn’t come to my bachelorette and collectively decided as a group that they didn’t want to go. I just feel that they aren’t being good friends all around and I am starting to wonder if I even want them at my wedding. We’ve been having a hard time sticking to the number of guests that we can afford, and part of me is wondering why I’m paying for these girls and their boyfriends to come to my wedding if they haven’t been supportive of me/my fiancé ever? Am I being petty? Any advice will be HUGELY appreciated!! (Side note, I’ve already sent all of them save the dates before some of this Bach drama unfolded)

8 Comments

Latest activity by Lisa, on March 6, 2023 at 10:36 AM
  • Brittany
    Dedicated July 2023
    Brittany ·
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    I wouldn't take the bach slight too personally, but if you don't see a friendship with them after the wedding, maybe you shouldn't send them an invitation. Or, you could still invite them and they may just not show on their own.

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  • Alyssa
    Super October 2023
    Alyssa ·
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    Bach trip aside they don't even sound like friends. They also seem so unsupported of your relationship why would the two of you want them there in the first place?
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  • Alyssa
    Rockstar September 2024
    Alyssa ·
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    I agree with Alyssa. I just don’t see why they would be invited in the first place. Address your friendship problems first and really assess them as friends. I am in a similar position with some people on my guest list and I’m 80% sure I’m just not gonna invite them because they’ve just been bad friends for the last 2 years.
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  • K
    Super September 2023
    Kimberly ·
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    I would also not want someone at my wedding who doesn’t support my relationship. And all of these behind my back group decisions would drive me crazy and feel as if I’m not part of the friend circle anyway. Revoking your invitation (implied but the STD) will potentially end your friendship with them, but that sounds like a good thing. Is there even one of them who you think if you reached out to individually would be more candid about what’s going on on their end?
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  • C
    CM ·
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    The real question is why you continued a friendship with people who treated your then BF so poorly years ago, but you did. I wouldn't have.

    I don't know what the back channel discussion was about not attending your bachelorette, or how you even heard about that, but you have to remember that an expensive bachelorette that these women had no part in planning is an expense that shouldn't take priority over their own vacation plans. To say they could not afford both might have been completely accurate.

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  • Shannon
    Super July 2022
    Shannon ·
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    I agree with the other posters. These people are unsupportive and not your friends. Don’t send them invites or reveal your wedding time and place details.
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  • Emily
    Just Said Yes August 2023
    Emily ·
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    I appreciate the feedback! Looking back I wish I never sent them a STD and just set my boundaries then, but hindsight is 50/50. As of this past week they all got together to hang out and did not even send a text or anything to ask me if I’d like to go (they were all very close by to where I live). So I just keep getting hurt by them. Seriously considering telling them that they are no longer invited to the wedding anymore but so scared of confrontation lol. Ultimately my life would probably be no different without their “friendships” and honestly I would probably have my feelings hurt less.
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  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa Online ·
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    There's a saying to "Go where you're celebrated, not where you're tolerated." The right friendships are the ones where you feel welcomed and included. You should never have to beg for anyone to include you or to have to prove to them why you deserve to be there. If they aren't supportive of your relationship, they don't ever reach out to you, and you constantly feel hurt by them, then I would honestly consider letting the friendship fade, as it seems to have run its course. It's painful to have a friendship end, but it would give you the opportunity to focus on strengthening your other friendships and also find new people to be around.
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