Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Just Said Yes July 2018

Friend’s bachelorette and another friend’s wedding planned for same weekend

Lisa, on January 21, 2018 at 10:02 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 18

Saved

Flag
Hide content

I have already committed to going to one of my best friend’s bachelorette party (I am a BM) in September and my other friend (who is a more recent friend that is lives in the same city as me and who I currently see more) told me last night to save the date for their wedding and turns out it is the same weekend as the bachelorette! I am not a BM in the 2nd friend’s wedding and because I’ve already committed to the bachelorette dates I feel like I should go to the bachelorette but a wedding would otherwise trump a bachelorette so I wanted to see what everyone’s thoughts were! Wedding where your a guest or bachelorette where your a BM?

Flag
Hide content

18 Comments

Latest activity by FutureMrsN14, on January 21, 2018 at 9:58 PM

January 2018
Private User · on January 21, 2018 at 10:09 AM
Flag

Hide content
Bachelorette. You already committed.
- Reply
VIP October 2018
Yoomie · on January 21, 2018 at 10:17 AM
Flag

Hide content
I gave my BM a choice between attending my destination bachelorette weekend in New Orleans or a couple shower in Washington DC. Most of the bridesmaids picked one or the other. You could have a talk with the bride that you're bridesmaid in and tell her the situation and see what she says. But if you already committed to the bachelorette and have already started planning activities, you might be already committed.
- Reply
Just Said Yes July 2018
Lisa · on January 21, 2018 at 10:22 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Thanks! Yea I feel like bachelorette is the way to go but I just told the matron of honor that the date for the bachelorette worked for me but otherwise nothing has been planned.
- Reply
Expert September 2018
Nicole · on January 21, 2018 at 10:23 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

If nothing is planned surely the bach can be moved? We are a long way out from September
- Reply
Just Said Yes July 2018
Lisa · on January 21, 2018 at 10:25 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Thanks! Yea that’s what I thought too but didn’t know if the fact that only the Bach date had been set (nothing else Bach wise has been planned) made a difference....and bach date was only set last week
- Reply
January 2018
Private User · on January 21, 2018 at 10:31 AM
Flag

Hide content
If you are comfortable enough you can ask to see if the bachelorette can be moved. But don't let it be a stressful choice for the bride. If it can't be, it can't. I would still say bachelorette. I think as we all know.....you invite a certain amount knowing there will be declines. I don't think your friend will be offended.
- Reply
Just Said Yes July 2018
Lisa · on January 21, 2018 at 10:32 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I would ask but I feel slightly bad asking because I already said that date worked and there was already an initially suggested Bach date that didn’t work for me because I’m in another wedding ha! And there will be no overlap of people at the wedding or the bachelorette except for me
- Reply
VIP September 2018
Happy Hedgie · on January 21, 2018 at 10:50 AM
Flag

Hide content
Unpopular opinion but, wedding trumps bachelorette party. I'd see if the date for the bachelorette can be moved but, if it can't then I'd just let the bride know that unfortunately, you will need to decline as it is your other friend's wedding that day. If it was closer to the bachelorette and you'd already committed funds/help I might think a bit differently but, since only the date has been set you should be fine to apologize and go to the wedding instead.
- Reply
Just Said Yes July 2018
Lisa · on January 21, 2018 at 11:19 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Yes I definitely see this side too, which is why I’m conflicted! Should I just bring it up to the MOH and see what she says? Maybe if I tell her she will offer to change the date
- Reply
VIP July 2018
The Nuptials · on January 21, 2018 at 12:13 PM
Flag

Hide content
I would send a bottle of champagne to the Bach and go to the wedding!
- Reply
Expert April 2018
FutureMrsHill · on January 21, 2018 at 12:31 PM
Flag

Hide content
I would attend the wedding.
- Reply
Expert October 2018
ACD · on January 21, 2018 at 12:35 PM
Flag

Hide content
I get the wedding trumping a BP party but I would personally attend the BP because I committed to that first.

Is there a way you can go to both? For example are both the BP and Wedding in the same general area? At a BP party someone flew in for just the day/night and then took a red eye home to be able to attend a wedding. I know that money, tiredness etc would play a factor though. Just a thought !
- Reply
Just Said Yes July 2018
Lisa · on January 21, 2018 at 2:02 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I agree. It’s about a 2 hour trip so not completely impossible but not super easy either!
- Reply
VIP May 2018
Red Queen · on January 21, 2018 at 2:25 PM
Flag

Hide content
I would attend the wedding. A bachelorette is no big deal.
- Reply
Just Said Yes September 2018
Becca · on January 21, 2018 at 5:53 PM
Flag

Hide content
Since the date for the bachelorette was just picked, I would bring up the conflict and see what happens. A bachelorette party planned almost 9 months in advance is very generous. A wedding save the date 9 months in advance is typical. Either way, I would pick the wedding over the bachelorette. Being a bridesmaid shouldnt commit you to attending every pre-wedding function.
- Reply
Just Said Yes July 2018
Lisa · on January 21, 2018 at 6:43 PM
Flag

Hide content
I think what I’m going to do is attend the bachelorette Friday night and then come back for the wedding Saturday night. And of course let them know now that that is what is happening and why. Would y’all find that acceptable?
- Reply
Just Said Yes July 2018
Lisa · on January 21, 2018 at 6:44 PM
Flag

Hide content
And of course that’s assuming that they can’t change the BP dates
- Reply

Super July 2018
FutureMrsN14 · on January 21, 2018 at 9:58 PM
Flag

Hide content
I would ask if the date could be changed for the bach party since it’s only been a week, if not, try to do both? But if you can’t, I’d go to the bach since you committed to that first. That is a predicament! As someone who has planned a bach party and had someone cancel and we had to change the date, id rather do that then upset the bride by losing a member.
- Reply