Friends are unhappy about our engagement

It sounds like there may be something else going on with that, for them to cut you out of their lives. But if they're his friends, that's up to him to figure out. If your FH wants to include them as groomsmen, you don't really have a say in that. If they do end up being a part of the wedding, you should maybe sit down with them and FH and talk about how their reaction hurt you, and maybe they can provide some clarity as to why they reacted the way they did.

No one will be as excited for your wedding as you are.

I have no idea why they were not excited. Maybe there is more to the story. Other than that, if you don't want them in the wedding party don't. However if you want to ruin friendships, don't invite them to the wedding.

I don't think it is worth it to lose friends over though.

This whole thing sounds super childish.

I agree with PPs. It sounds like we're missing some details here. Most people don't react this way at the news of a friend's engagement.

How old are you and your circle of friends?

I agree with Flighty, unless... we are missing something.

Do they have a reason to feel that way? Did DH stop spending time with them when he met you? Are you friendly to them? There is no reason a grown man should have to ask his friends permission to propose to his gf.

Honest question - how old are you/them? Because the "I'm losing my friend" angle seems very immature, along with them apparently being upset that he didn't go to them first (for what? permission?).

I agree, why would they expect him to go to them first, that makes zero sense, it sounds like something that would happen in High School.

I wish I could say that some details are missing! I think thats what is bothering me so much is everything was great before hand. Only thing is they have a mutual friend who went to the courthouse and got married and did not tell anyone. Which is fine to each their own but his friends were pissed they had no heads up about it, since theyve known that guy since they were young. Were 31, and Im not into messing with friendships so I leave it alone, and if he wants them in it fine, even though when I ask him he says he doesn't know why he's putting them in it! We probably spent 2 out of the 4 weekends in a month with them and after the engagement it just stopped! I met my Fh through the friends wife so yes were friendly! One of the friends who got upset is in his 60s!

Sounds like you all need new friends. If people can't be supportive in your happiness, why have them in your lives? I have zero tolerance for BS like that. You're either in or you're out.

That's so odd to me... I can't imagine adults feeling snubbed for this....

Its very odd to me! His parents passed, so he is great friends with all of his parents friends and everyone was thrilled! Only his two sisters, one of my 4 sisters, and my mom knew. Ive seen his friends take something and blow it up and make it about them but I never would've expected this! I am always excited for people to start a new chapter in their life, and guess what if I wasn't excited I still would've given them the congratulations they deserve!

Nikki you're right there could be details missing that I don't know of. The friends wife that is involved is the one that told me her husband and her husbands brother were upset about our engagement, saying they felt it was just like their friend that got married in court and why couldn't he tell them beforehand. We showed up at one of their houses and it was really awkward and my FH received a text message afterward saying he's sorry he didn't act right about the news he was taken back he doesn't like surprises. Other than that my FH says you know what I didn't expect them to be that way but whatever Im not gonna let them ruin it for us and you shouldn't either, which I try not to but it bothers me at times. FH is happy go lucky and although he considers them friends and still wants them in the wedding he's not holding anything against them.

FH's "friends" sound like shitty, petty people. No one is obligated to "ask permission" to get engaged. Don't take it personally - if they want to act like that it's their burden to bare. Leave it up to your FH to deal with - remember that you didn't do anything wrong by getting engaged. Don't give them the power take away your excitement.

It's not quite the same but I can understand people not showing their excitement for your wedding or cutting you out of their life because of it. We are a same-sex couple and this has happened to us too with a few people. My suggestion is to hold your head up high and enjoy the ride during this, the happiest time of your life. If people want to be petty and you don't need them in your life. You only get one life to live so live it well!

It sounds like they're making this about themselves. I'm sorry this is happening. At the end of the day, you and your husband will be each other's support system and won't be able to understand why his friends aren't supportive. If he wants to be friends still, you'll have to work through the resentment. If he forgives them, you should try your best to do so and move on. That may be hard tho.

This is just bizarre. Not even our parents knew when my fiance was going to propose, it was a total surprise to everyone. I can't imagine anyone feeling entitled to know about this beforehand. Sounds like they just love drama. Maybe invite them to the wedding but no way I'd include people like that in the wedding party.

They sound weirdly self-centred.

This seems super immature so as pp have suggested I'm sure there has to be more to this story...

Hmm...I feel like there's a lot missing to this story.

This is so weird. I don't get it at all. I wonder if there is something else going on. If it is really just because your FH didn't tell them before he proposed then that is ridiculous and maybe you need new friends. My fiancé told no one before he proposed (except he jokes that he told our dogs lol)