Friend will not stop asking who my Maid of Honor will be

I would have told right then and there and say "well if you want to know who, it's not you because you will be a bridesmaid..."

Sometimes you cannot surprise people and sometimes you have to tell them the truth. If she is soooo hurt and angry at it, then that is too bad.

I would just respond that you are waiting to announce your BP until you have decided how you are going to ask. You're pretty much a year out, she can wait a couple more weeks.

Just tell her once you decide who you would like to have in your bridal party and for which roles you will let her know.

You are not obligated to pick her and its annoying that she keeps asking.

Tell her it's too early to pick the BP and that you will ask when you are ready. I don't like using this phrase, but here it rings true, it is YOUR wedding, she cannot appoint herself MOH. you can try to be sensitive, but let her know she needs to let you do your thing at your time.

edit: words

I had this problem, but my friend insisted it would be her. It was between her and my cousin. I ended up asking my cousin, she was the only one I've known my whole life. I made sure my friend, Ali's, bridesmaide invite type thing specifically said bridesmaid and left it at that. Ali and FH work together but I knew her in college and FH got her a job where he works. She said to their coworkers that she was supposed to be MOH and that my friend from high school shouldn't be in the wedding. So I made plans with Ali, as I was walking into her apt. My cousin texted me asking if I needed anything for the wedding. It reassured me I nade the right choice. At dinner I opened the wedding topic with Ali and she said she didn't feel my friend should be in the wedding but never said anything about MOH. So I said my cousin was chosen bc she lives where the wedding is, I live 200 miles from there which is also my hometown, and easily already talks to my other family members. She has decided to go on a last minute vaca with her family instead of my bachelorette party and I asked a few friends ( her and another bridesmaid, and FH cousin) that lives close to help with invites over a month in advance. She said yes then 2 weeks later she said it was her boyfriends birthday and will be there when she gets there. I'm upset. She has helped me look for somethings for the wedding but has never been in one. My MOH has been a lifesaver and has been in numerous weddings, she actively checks in with me and verifies dates and we havent been close for a few years but is the closest thing I have to a sister. Sorry for the book, but I was in the same situation and I hope yours turns out better. MOH is a big responsibility and I'm confident in who I chose and it didnt take me long to realize that.

If you you super super super sad about hurting her and you are absolutely willing to change things up, it's fine to have two MOH. But if your bond with your chosen MOH is stronger than your other friend, then so be it. She is setting herself up for disappointment for even asking you multiple times.

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I have a friend.. let's call her Sally... Sally and I have been friends forever. Literally best friends since we were born because our mothers are best friends. Sally and I made a pact a long time ago that we would be MOH's in each other's weddings. Since before I was engaged, Sally and I have drifted a part, not in a bad way, just in a "growing up" way. We live different lives and have different interests. When I got engaged, I knew immediately that I would be choosing someone else as my MOH. Sally and I met out one night and had a long conversation about why she would not be my MOH. She understood completely. I am sure it hurt her feelings, but honestly, this is your decision and no one else's. You choose who you want. No one should be assuming anything or asking anything. Sally is still a bridesmaid, and I am sure when she gets married, I will not be her MOH - not that it will bother me in the slightest.

Just let her know calmly. Tell her it is nothing against her, but you just have a closer bond with your cousin and she might as well be your sister, that is all.

Good luck OP - I hope that it all works out for you

Honestly your friend needs to relax and let you enjoy your engagement. I didn't have any of my girls asking about the bridal party. Stick to your gut on who you plan on asking, but don't ask for a few more months!

So just tell her that's she's a bridesmaid and that you are picking someone else to be your MOH. Then she'll stop asking. You already know who you want, why drag it out? She's an adult, she should be able to take the news.

If you are close friends she may have been expecting to be your MOH, she may not realize your bond with others is stronger or just different in some way. I was Maid of Honor in a friends wedding, we've been friends since middle school but really got close after she came home from college. FH and I hung out pretty regularly with her and her FH and I expected her to ask me to be MOH, which in hindsight was wrong. However I got engaged first and asked her right away to be mine. Due to unforeseen life events my wedding has been delayed multiple times. Several relationships with people I asked to be BMs have deteriorated severely, same with FH and possible GMs and now we don't even have a BP.

You have plenty of time to ask them and may want to consider waiting longer because you never know what could happen.

Thank you everyone for the responses! I do appreciate the advice and help. All 5 of them know they will be in the BP - it is absolutely no surprise. But I really do want to ask them officially in a cute way when those gifts I bought for each of them come in the mail (it will be next week sometime).

I already chose. Now leave me alone

Compliment sandwich. (Compliment-letdown-compliment) I really want you to be a part of the wedding because you are awesome. I was hoping you'd participate as my bridesmaid. (I've chosen my cousin to be my MOH) Also, did I mention you are a fantastic person.

I'd massage that one a little but you get the point. Agreed with PP, wait to ask.

Besides that: Abby's wedding is this weekend. I refuse to bring up mine as this week is all about Abby, no one else. It just gets under my skin that my friend, Emily, keeps asking about the MOH thing when I asked everyone to be respectful and not mention mine and my FH's at all until Abby's wedding is done. I love them all so much, these are the women I will grow old with. Emily will of course be a bridesmaid, but Abby is the MOH. But you all are right, I should be an adult and talk about it with Emily and let her know I love her just as much.

That's so annoying.

Don't let her change your mind; go with who YOU want

Also I want to point out that my friend isn't my cousin lol. That was someone else's comment (best of luck to that person, I appreciate her telling her similar story!). But those are great advices! Thank you

So, why don't you tell her Abby is your moh so she stops asking?

Just as a heads up, this thread is from 2017. My suggestion would be just to respond that it's too early to even think about. If your wedding is in May 2024, then think about a wedding party in late 2023. Read here to find out how choosing the wedding party too early could be a nightmare.