Friend mad that she is not a bridesmaid

Give her a week and text again apologizing. It’s not a matter of her being in your wedding party, I highly doubt that will be the outcome at this point but try to salvage the friendship. You’re already aware of where and how you messed up so I don’t need to make you feel worse but yeah, she has every right to be hurt. Had you not said anything at all, I doubt she’d have had any hard feelings. Have humility and patience and hope that you can resolve things in time for her to happily attend as a guest.

I’m sorry this is happening…unfortunately I had a close friend that was mad at me for not including her in my wedding party as well…she has since gotten past it thank God! I say that to show that people move past things and I hope this friend does too. I would give her time and space to process and like you said maybe reach out in a week or so apologizing for how it went down and how you hurt her feelings…i agree with the other poster I don’t think her being in the wedding will resolve it at this point… so wait a little then reach out and then if she doesn’t respond then just let it breathe…Hopefully in time she will come around… you had valid reason why you did not add her and you have every right to have who you want beside you.. maybe once you mend things later on maybe there will be other ways to include her. It’s such a crappy feeling! I felt like crap when I went through it a few weeks ago. Good luck!

Not making B a bridesmaid in itself would have been totally fine but I think you stabbed yourself in the foot by making a point to B that you consciously didn’t make B a bridesmaid because you made an assumption it would be too much for her. Therein lies your problem – you didn’t consult her as to whether or not she’d be able to manage it and even if you had no plans to make her a bridesmaid in the first place, you shouldn’t have brought it up unless she actually approached you about it (thus requiring a response as to why you didn’t).

I can appreciate that B is feeling upset at the moment as she likely feels like you may not value her friendship as much as she thought you did, and given the circumstances, I will admit that I likely would be thinking exactly that if I were in her shoes.

If you want to salvage this relationship, I suggest you call her or organise a meet up face-to-face to explain that you are sorry and that in hindsight you shouldn’t have made that assumption on her behalf.

While it would have briefly stung for Friend B to realize she wasn’t a bridesmaid, you essentially made the cut and then poured in salt when you brought it up in conversation and then essentially insulted her by saying you didn’t think she would be able to handle the role or didn’t deserve the role because she cannot balance her family, career, or finances with friendship and/or social life. Despite the quick apologies and attempts to undo the damage, I think your friend is going to be hurt by this for some time. Give her a little bit of time and space to move past this then work on rebuilding the friendship.

I would also add that in addition to everyone’s suggestions you call her on the phone next time you reach out. With the intensity of her text I’d be willing to bet that it was a very long hour for her to wait for a response, and then to be asked over a text to be a bridesmaid could have added insult to injury.

Like others have said, if you didn't even mention it, everything would have been fine. But you made the choice for her without even talking to her.

Did you actually not include her because you thought it would be too much or is that just what you told her because you thought she’d agree that it would be too much? I mean, truthfully, you never should have brought it up that she wasn’t a bridesmaid (especially at an event) but to then tell her you decided for her what she could or couldn’t handle would bother anyone. As a mom, one of the things I hate most is when my friends assume that my having children means I can’t do anything anymore. Give her some time and like a PP suggested, pick up the phone and call her when you’ve given her some more time to process.

I appreciate everyone's criticism and I am trying to take it constructively. But I can't help being a little angry, I did not make a big deal about not even being included in her wedding and she made choices for her wedding, why am I being bashed for my choices? It is my day after all, I did make the mistake of telling her at the wrong time and way, but should I have just kept it dragging on with her waiting and waiting? That is almost worse I thought, and I did not think my reasoning was going to offend her, the phone works two ways and I can't remember the last time she tried to plan to meet up so she is clearly very busy I thought I was being respectful of her time but it may have come across as she could not handle it which is not what I was trying to say. I don't care that people have children, I respect them more for that because that is a full time job in itself, but since I don't have children I did not see it in that point of view.

View Quoted Comment I don’t think anyone here is saying you were wrong by not having her be a bridesmaid. It is a matter of going out of your way to tell her she is specifically not a bridesmaid and then provide reasoning that was only based on assumptions about her life without an actual discussion. Waiting would have definitely been the better move. Seeing her for the first time after your engagement should have been a time for her to congratulate you and enjoy, few people would expect you to be discussing WP details. It’s not that she wasn’t invited, it’s that it was kind of made into a “thing” that she wasn’t by talking so much about it so early.

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I don’t think anyone here has “bashed” you for your choices – after all, the general consensus (including my own opinion above) seems to be that you were within your rights to not have B as a bridesmaid, but made a misstep by making a point of telling her this and in a manner that wasn’t the best put.

Personally, it sounds to me like you may be harbouring some resentment about not being in her bridal party. I don’t say this to offend you, but from what you’ve described, B’s wedding was a very informal and low key affair (I'm not sure if you actually went and whether that is relevant), but I get the sense from this response that you expected to be a part of her bridal party nonetheless or that you may possibly think that she should simply be getting over her feelings in this scenario because you dealt with the same thing for her wedding (to a degree).

At the end of the day, while you are entitled to have whoever you want as a bridesmaid, you hurt a friend because rather than keeping mum on something that she hadn’t even brought up, you made a point of telling her she wasn’t going to be a bridesmaid and for a reason that didn’t cut the mustard. If you want to rectify the situation and ensure the friendship isn’t damaged, be the bigger person and make the effort to put this right. If you couldn’t care less and would rather deflect that she hasn’t reached out to you recently, then it seems to me that you don’t actually care to repair the friendship. In any event, we have only given you our two cents, how you choose to live your life is up to you, but do not mistake honest and constructive feedback as “bashing”.

View Quoted Comment I was more so referring to the “bashing” from her in her text, not posters on here- because I knew posting it publicly is welcome to criticism which I am prepared for, I am not meaning this in a snippy way I know that text is hard to portray tone

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We don't know what she wrote to you but from what she's summarised, it just sounds to me like she was very hurt and needed to express those feelings.

View Quoted Comment I know that I am the one who mainly messed up but I should clarify too, not being officially invited to her wedding is what made me feel the relationship was a little changed, I wasn’t mad or anything about not being a bridesmaid but not being invited felt awkward so when she kinda blew up on me I did not know how to respond other than apologizing

That is understandable. Especially because you did say that in her long angry text to you she claimed she regarded you as a best friend. I would think a best friend would get a formal invitation to a Wedding and not just a text saying to come to the Wedding.