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Savvy June 2023

Friend has entire group as bridesmaids but not me

Kara, on April 11, 2021 at 7:31 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 8
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My friend from college and I are in a group of 4 girls total. Basically all 4 of us are planning our weddings at the same time, but she is getting married first due to living in Texas/less COVID restrictions.


She just asked people to be her bridesmaids. It’s her sister, her two cousins, and the two other girls in our group.
I’m feeling kind of hurt. We aren’t super close anymore because we all live in different areas, but I still wouldn’t have asked all of the group except one. I was planning on doing all of them or none.
I’m also kind of confused because she had tried to ask about being a bridesmaid in my wedding multiple times. I wasn’t even considering this because we haven’t seen all of each other for a year because of COVID until she asked.
I can definitely get over my hurt feelings I’m just worried that both the bachelorette party and the wedding will be super awkward now. They have been posting all over social media (like, 200+ posts in an album + multiple Instagram posts of her asking them at brunch) and I don’t see that stopping during the dress fittings, planning, etc. it just feels like kinda of a slap in the face because she didn’t even mention anything to me.
I know there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it, I guess I just needed to vent to people who don’t know who I’m talking about and won’t tell them

8 Comments

Latest activity by Hannah, on April 12, 2021 at 1:24 AM
  • D
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
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    I mean that’s kind of bizarre. Yes I can sit here and say that “she can have whoever she wants to be her bridesmaid and stand by her side “ but judging from your situation, it sounds like you all will be in each others weddings and you all are a group... when she asked you about being a bridesmaid in your wedding, how did that conversation go? Did you tell her like well obviously will be, or was there any hesitancy?
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  • Q
    Dedicated August 2020
    Q ·
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    She probably asked you if you were planning to have her so she could return the favor by the sounds of it since she is first.... maybe she changed her mind after speaking with you about yours...
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  • K
    Savvy June 2023
    Kara ·
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    Yeah I do feel like it’s a little weird because we have always been one group.


    She was basically like “oh I’m so excited about you having bridesmaids!” And I was like “yeah it’ll be so much fun we will have a great time with the Bach party and stuff.” Then she asked someone else in the group about when I was going to ask them. And this girl (another in the group) said she was the most vocal about me having all of them. The girl wanted to warn me because she knew I hadn’t planned anything out yet. So I never directly responded, but my wedding got postponed so it’s not for a while. The whole thing just makes me feel kind of weird
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  • D
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
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    Do you think the other girls are going to feel weird? I’m sure it’s going to be weird for them too
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  • mrswinteriscoming
    VIP December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
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    I think something you need to acknowledge is that just because you would have done things a certain way doesn’t mean that everyone else will adopt that same approach. You would have asked ‘all of [the group] or none’ to be bridesmaids but that doesn’t mean that your friend has to, especially if you aren’t super close anymore. Just the same, there is no obligation to mention anything to you about not being asked to be a bridesmaid – sure, it may have been nice but it’s an unrealistic standard.

    At the end of the day, you have two options here – you can either politely ask the bride why you weren’t made a bridesmaid, or, you can hold your chin up, appreciate that you won’t bear the cost of being a bridesmaid, and put your best foot forward. Speaking to the bride might make things awkward but it really depends on what you would like to do and if that will bring you comfort.

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  • L
    Lisa ·
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    ... but you “aren’t super close anymore” and you weren’t considering your bridal party when she asked you about yours.
    Enjoy the festivities and be happy for her.
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  • Donna
    Savvy May 2021
    Donna ·
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    That’s exactly the way I read it too.


    If you are not super close anymore you should not expect to be a bridesmaid and she should not expect to be in your wedding.
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  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah Online ·
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    This forum is filled with brides regretting asking someone to be a bridesmaid out of obligation instead of closeness to the person. You said yourself that you two are not that close anymore. If that's the case, and she still feels close to the other 2, it honestly makes perfect sense why she didn't ask you to be a bridesmaid, but she asked the other 2. People are allowed to feel closer to some people in a friend group than others. The bridal party should be comprised of the people most important to the couple now, and asking someone just because you were close in the past often doesn't end well. Your feeling upset is valid, but it also doesn't seem like the bride did anything wrong here. If seeing the social media posts upsets you (which, honestly it just sounds like they're a bit excessive anyway), can you snooze her or something so that you just don't see her posts for a bit?
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