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Devoted December 2020

Friend driving me insane

Rachel, on February 24, 2020 at 9:18 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 8

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You ladies always have some solid advice regarding friendships, etiquette etc. Which I really need right now.

So I have a friend I know from previously working together. She and I had developed a friendship outside of work, I sent her a save the date when I sent them all out.
Fast forward to now. She has gotten a PRN job at the hospital I work at (I’m PRN there as well). I juggle 6 different prn jobs in my area & sometimes my schedule is kind of insane. She has been absolutely bombarding me with TONS of questions about x y & z regarding when she should do this, how long it took me to get this done, is this required, where do I get this, etc etc. She’s been doing this IN ADDITION to basically stalking my Facebook posts (both personal posts and things I post in a healthcare related private group that she is also apart of). I’ll post something & within several minutes she will text me and ask about my post
All of this has been too much for me to handle—I don’t know how to tell her to back off. The questions regarding the job are really questions that she can easily figure out on her own or, better yet, she can ask our supervisor. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t want to invite her to the wedding because I absolutely do not want her to be bombarding me or anyone else with millions of questions. What do I doooo? 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Suzie, on February 25, 2020 at 8:46 PM

Master November 2020
Kristen · on February 24, 2020 at 9:38 PM
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Well it sounds to me like ultimately you don't really want the Friendship to continue but it would not be the best etiquette to have sent her a save-the-date and then not invite her. This is probably not the best way but next time she text you about your Facebook post maybe just comically sarcastically make a joke that she must spend a lot of time on Facebook. Or maybe just have a straight-up conversation with her that you want to know why she constantly ask questions about things you post on Facebook. Do you maybe have an idea why she's doing that? Is that just her personality?
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Master July 2018
Mcskipper · on February 24, 2020 at 9:39 PM
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Talk to her.
If it’s to the point of almost ruining the friendship, it’s worth a conversation. Let her know that while you’re happy to help out if she’s really stuck with something at work, you’re super overwhelmed right now and you aren’t able to answer every little question. That you hope that she has some coworkers and boss to help out too, but that between all your jobs and the stress of wedding planning, being the go-to for this stuff is too much for you right now. Hopefully she chills out. Maybe she gets mad or defensive, but, seems like it’s worth that risk at this point.
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Devoted December 2020
Rachel · on February 24, 2020 at 9:51 PM
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This is actually a perfect response. THANK YOU.
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Devoted December 2020
Rachel · on February 24, 2020 at 9:54 PM
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I have no clue why it has been like this so much lately. She has a very loud personality but she was/is like this at work towards her supervising therapist (we work in different disciplines so I never had to deal with her directly on these issues). She’s one of those people that has a question & needs it answered right then and there. That in itself stresses me out & gives me anxiety because I’m so busy myself that I don’t have time to sit down and answer her question at the drop of a hat
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on February 24, 2020 at 10:08 PM
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May just tell her that you're busy these days and ask her if someone else can answer her questions. In regards to fbook I would ignore all her questions or just be straight up that you don't want to explain all posts. I think post wedding distance yourself if needed
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on February 24, 2020 at 10:13 PM
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I would direct her to resources where she could find the info herself easier and explain you’re really busy but don’t mind helping her when you can
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Dedicated September 2021
Holly · on February 25, 2020 at 5:56 PM
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I have this exact same problem with my sister (who suffers from learned helplessness and a general "someone else should figure this out for me" attitude). I would start by explaining that she is demanding quite a lot of your time and attention to whatever it is she needs. She may not even realize that she is doing it. Then I would follow with something along the lines of "if you try to find the thing/answer by yourself, etc., and have exhausted every other resource in your search for x,y,z things, then come talk with me and I'd be happy to help. It will not benefit you if I keep giving you the answer instead of you figuring it out on your own."
As for Facebook, that is your time. Unfollow her for a while and if she asks, be honest.
Consistency is key!! Good luck!
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Super October 2021
Suzie · on February 25, 2020 at 8:46 PM
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I think McSkipper worded this perfectly. I’m sure she is just reaching out since you two are friends, but it is understandably too much. Politely set that boundary, and if she continues to do so, then ease off with the friendship. A true friend will acknowledge they are overstepping and causing you distress and back off.
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