Hello everyone, I have a bit of a problem. I got the same dress as my friend got, the dress looks completely different due to straps, body types and modifications. No one could tell they were the same dress. My “friend” said that she probably wasn’t coming to my wedding anymore because she didn’t want her fiancé to see it and was sick to her stomach. I’m not going to wear it anymore bc of personal preference but what my friend said was completely out of line and kind of ruined my experience. I don't know about inviting her to my wedding anymore when those are her true colors. I don’t even know what think about where we stand now
Your friend is completely out of line and it sounds to me like either she is taking this significantly personally (despite not being personal) or was looking for an excuse to not go to your wedding.
Assuming your friend has gone the traditional route whereby her finace won't see the dress until the wedding, they wouldn't have the slightest clue about whether or not it was the same dress or similar.
I would let this settle for a day or two and then reach out to your friend and have a heart to heart and explain how much it means to you for her to attend and that you were really hurt by what she said.
If I am being completely honest, I think I would have felt the same way your friend did. If my friend had gotten the exact same dress as me, I wouldn’t have wanted my fiancé to see it either. I know people think men will never notice it was the same dress, but my fiancé most certainly would have. And the last thing I want him thinking when he finally sees me on our big day is “that’s the same dress so-and-so wore”. We all want to be the star of our big day and we all want to be the center of attention to the person we are marrying. I bet it truly did make her sick to her stomach – both that there was a possibility her FH would see and later recognize the dress, and that the only solution would be to not attend her friend’s wedding. I think it’s easy to view and judge things from our own perspectives, but I would try to see things from her perspective also, and give her the benefit of the doubt. Remember that many people dream of their weddings for years, and choosing the perfect wedding dress is one of the most important and exciting parts of the process for many brides. You said that her words have ruined the experience for you; I would try to look past your own feelings of disappointment and realize she is feeling the same way - that your actions (choosing the same wedding dress) ruined the experience for her. Neither of you meant to make the other feel that way, so I would approach your friend with understanding and grace. If you feel the need to address it/talk it out, I would just let her know that her words disappointed you, but that you also understand you choosing the same dress disappointed her, and that you would love to move forward with the friendship in a positive way, including inviting her to your wedding where you will not be wearing the dress. I hope you are both able to understand each other’s point of view and move forward in a positive direction with the friendship.
I totally agree with Cece. My husband would also notice if I wore the same wedding dress (even if strapless vs. not, etc) as another bride, so I would have made the same decision as your friend to not attend your wedding. If I were her, I would also be embarrassed to explain the reason to inquiring friends/family/FS...that my friend went and bought the same wedding dress as me. For most people, a wedding dress is a super meaningful item of clothing. What your friend said actually wasn't out of line, and I don't understand the "true colors" she's showing by (regretfully) declining your wedding invitation. If anything, I think you should have checked with her before you bought the same dress as her because, after all, she bought it first (from what I can gather from your post). I would advise scheduling a coffee or phone date to talk it out and hopefully mend the friendship.