Friend Booking Same Weekend For Her Wedding

Oh no, that's disappointing. Thank goodness there isn't a lot of friends on both guest lists, however I do feel bad for that one friend. It's ok to be bummed, but what do you hope to accomplish by having more conversations about it. I'm assuming her intention was in no way done to hurt you. It's just an example of bad timing. I think it's fine to express your sadness that you won't be able to attend her wedding and that she won't be able to be at your wedding. But anything beyond that seems like it could lead to really bad feelings.

There’s no conversation that takes place here other than “congrats we’ll miss you at our wedding and hope you have the best day”. She gets to pick whatever day she wants, and she obviously doesn’t feel close enough to you to be concerned about missing your wedding.

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I'd love to try to doge the conversation - but she's bringing it up and wanting to talk about it. (she hasn't booked yet to my knowledge) We've also done a lot talking about each other's wedding and planning - it just seems awkward to be so short with the reply?

I would tell her that I'm sad but that I understand she has to do what's best for her and her fiance, and you hope they will be happy at the venue they want.

And be glad there isn't that much crossover!

Yes. I actually went through this and posted a forum about it. I was livid because someone who we knew and knew our date booked the same date.

Etiqutte says you shouldn't ask anyone to move their date. Before I posted the forum, i had already asked her to move her date on a message.

I also sent my STDs as soon as I found out. Someone must have told her because she ends up sending me a message 3 weeks later letting me know she moved her date.

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Ah I'm happy to find someone else who's been through the same! I'll look up your forum.

That's actually the one piece of advice you shouldn't take, lol. I would wish her well and say that you're sorry you won't make it to their event.

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I would never consider asking her not to book a venue she loves just so our dates don't collide!

I just want to better navigate the conversations with her if that makes sense. We also have been talking sort of frequently lately - so it's less of a send a message and then be done... she wants to talk wedding stuff mostly so I just feel like it's awkward now. Gah.

I went through something similar. My best friend from high school at one point asked me if I could potentially move my date because she and her not-yet-fiancé were looking at that day. To which, I replied no, as we’d already booked our venue and it was the only date at the time that worked with DH’s Navy schedule. She wound up changing because she learned another friend of hers was also getting married that day (good to know my friendship wasn’t enough to change her mind...), but then switched back because it was the only date in that time frame that worked for her then-FH’s dad to make it. (Of course, she could have pushed her date to the spring and waited a few months longer because her engagement didn’t even happen until like 2 months before the date, but oh well.) I ultimately found out we’d be sharing a wedding day from my sisters, who heard it from her sister. Which honestly, I’m more sad about having missed being at each other’s weddings than I am at the idea of her choosing the same date.

I handled it with tears and frustration and a couple of rants to DH and my mom (especially when I learned what similarities our weddings would have), but I finally decided that it wasn’t worth losing a friendship over. I wound up winning out guest-wise; her wedding was on the other side of the country, and all of our guest list overlap, which was considerable, (except, of course, her and her family) wound up attending mine. But, once I got past the initial awkwardness, it was kinda fun wedding planning together!! My advice is to be honest about hurt feelings if you need to be, but also be understanding of her position, and wish your friend the best and try to make the most of it.

That’s a hard situation. You said you have no intention of asking her not to book the venue on that day and that’s good because of course you can’t tell her what to do. But if she is really a good friend then I think it’s okay to be honest with her and tell her your real feelings: that you are sad that she won’t be at your wedding if she books it that day and that she can’t come to yours. But also mention that you understand that she has to do what’s best for her. I don’t think it’s fair for you to feel like you have to bite your lip and be fake and pretend to be totally fine with it just for the sake of being polite, especially since she’s the one who keeps bringing it up. In a way you are lying to her if you pretend to be okay with it. I always want my friends to feel like they can be honest with me, to me that’s a real friendship. Obviously she will have to do what’s best for her, but maybe she actually really wants to know how you feel about it since she keep mentioning it. She is probably is getting the sense that you are not saying much just to be polite so maybe you need to be at least a little more open with her.

I would be disappointed if I were in your situation too. I got engaged a week before my friend and she called and asked when I was thinking about getting married to make sure our dates didn’t conflict. It’s not even an issue of having a lot of guest overlap. It’s the fact that we are good friends and we would want to be present for each other’s weddings and we definitely don’t want to make our close friends have to choose which wedding to attend even if it would only affect 2 people. Even if etiquette says you can’t ask someone to change their date your feelings are still valid and I don’t see anything wrong with telling her you are sad or disappointed if she asks especially if you want to maintain the relationship and not harbor bad feelings toward her.