Friend being super weird

Maybe a little jealously going on

Wow. I'm not excusing her behavior, but you have no idea how hard life is for her right now. I lost my niece (that I helped raise and she lived with me at the time of the accident) 5 years ago and it's still incredibly hard some days. I thought I was handling life relatively well for the first year or so, but I can look back now and realize just how much pain I was in. I'm sure I seemed fine to the world, but most days I would end up on the bathroom floor crying and begging for her to come back. The pain is truly unimaginable. Just making it to the end of the day is exhausting. I can't imagine how hard it would have been to attend a major event the same month as the 1 year anniversary. February is still hard for me, 5 years later. I also only recently realized (thanks to my husband) that I tend to be super irritable and short tempered during the times that I'm struggling. Grief is weird and unpredictable. Give her grace.

"the grief is just an excuse for her to be even more selfish"

WOW.

I see selfish behavior here and it isn't her.

I am very sorry you feel this way Chelsea, not a mother myself but know of one who lost her child and still to this day years later has a very difficult time dealing with it. I feel that you may need to rely on another friend at this moment, as the 1st year anniversary of her sons death she may be feeling lower than ever before and you are in wedding bliss which is a high that not everyone can relate to. I think you need to step back and let Friend A do her thing and heal however she needs to, don't expect her to act any type of way with you about her wedding.

What if it was you in her shoes, do you think you'd be emotionally stable enough to be in such a super happy environment when you're still picking up the pieces from your life.

I get it, you just want people to be excited with you and be happy for you but happiness is not something you can just pop out if you're dealing with depression or other sad news. Surround yourself with your friends/family that radiate the type of energy you're looking for. Good Luck!

Out of curiosity, how exactly did she word it? Was it in response to a question?

If she is a long time friend, I think you should talk to her. I get that the time of year isn't easy for her, but it definitely does not make it right to tell you HOW much weight you should lose (especially if you didn't ask) or even lose any weight at all. It is very rude and insensitive. This is supposed to be a happy time for YOU. You don't want to look back and remember bad memories with anyone during your planning of your wedding, especially if they are adding stress.

Time to remember that no one will be as excited about your wedding as you are and that their lives go on following their own paths.

Grief comes in waves, regardless of how long it's been.

But also, because of Covid-19 and all the impending threat of death everywhere, I think that may be bringing it up again in a very real way for your friend.

Alternatively, she could be worried about her source of income because Covid-19 has caused a LOT of cancellations and she might feel like she needs to be available for any gig in order to keep herself stable.

Finally, she might be hurt that this other friend is throwing you a shower instead of her, regardless of your lack of wedding party plan.

Before you rush to any kind of judgement, ask her to come over for tea or coffee or whatever. Make it clear that your feelings were hurt when she said you needed to lose weight. Tell her that comments like that and her other behavior is giving you mixed signals about your wedding. Ask her why and see if you can figure out a solution together.

So sorry to hear you're going thru this. I'm a hairdresser and salon owner and depending on our unique careers, we can definitely flex our schedules a bit. Unfortunately, this is probably a reaction she's going thru with dealing with the anniversary of the death of her son and she's probably still grieving and unable to communicate her true needs during this time. The anger and throwing off on you is definitely a tell-tale sign and perhaps you two need to sit and have a a conversation that is compassionate and clear. While her grieving is definitely understandable, the expectation that this particular time frame belongs only to her is heavily misguided and goes to show, again, she's still dealing with her loss. You can be gentle and still do what you have to do for your big day. It's not easy but I definitely wouldn't do anything without attempting to be clear and communicate with her. You will have to be decisive if it does come down to granting her the space she seems to need, whether because of her career or because she doesn't seem to be all in with the wedding plans. You can do all of this without coming off insensitive...but be prepared if she's not readily receptive of your attempts to talk. I'm so sorry you're faced with this. Hopefully though you two will be able to talk it out and work it out and move forward.