Friend assuming she will be bridesmaid

How many bridesmaids are you having? If it is small, an easy out is explaining how small the bridal part will be (even when that is not the reason). You definitely want to correct her the next time she makes that assumption. The longer it goes on the harder it will be.

The next time she brings it up I'd just say something like- Oh, I couldn't ask you to be a bridesmaid it wouldn't be fair of me since you love so far away. But also agree with an above comment the sooner the better otherwise it will get awkward.

What does she say that makes you think she's making this assumption?

I just wouldn't engage in the conversation. She knows where and when the wedding is... that's all she needs to know

Yeah I'm with Kate, blaming it on how far away she lives could easily backfire.

Has she directly asked if she's a BM? How do you know she's assuming? I once assumed I'd be someone's BM, but I never said anything. I was a bit surprised when she never asked, but I kept it to myself and moved on. It actually was no big deal and I didn't think about it anymore until the bride was hammered at her reception and told me she would have asked me, but figured I couldn't afford it.

So maybe don't say that to her and you're fine, lol.

Well prior to even being engaged she'd made the comments about being BM so I discounted it on the time. Now, she's asked very specific questions about colour schemes and general dress questions so I'm thinking she's still thinking this.

I can't use the long distance excuse because my BP are all from the UK too! I'm British myself so everything is complicated trying to help everyone out with attending at all. She's at grad school so I wanted to let her know as soon as possible so she could plan to save if she wanted to attend.

I didn't plan make a wedding website but maybe I will and list the BP on there for her to see... It's so hard! I am so grateful that she plans to come at all!

I think if she really thinks she's going to be a bridesmaid, finding out she won't be, from your website, will hurt her feelings. Just my opinion, I think you need to talk to her if she brings it up again, rather than ignoring it and letting her find out like that.

So I had a friend who assumed because my FH asked me to marry him in front of her that she was automatically my bridesmaid. We ended up having a falling out as this has been my bestfriend for over 20 years. we literally were born and grew together. Since that falling out happened that gave me the the go ahead to tell her she wasn't a bridesmaid because with the way she reacted I flat out told her the way she acted was not fair to my other girls or myself to deal with and that we weren't going to do a back and forth thing where one minute we're fine and she's in and the next minute we aren't fine and she's out. So she got pissed and stopped talking to me all together,but before we stopped talking I asked her to her face if she wasn't in the wedding would she still support me as a bestfriend and be there for my big day and without hesitation she answered no before I could even finish my question and that did it for me. Made me realize i don't need someone who just wants to be seen and literally that's all she wanted because when we had started going shopping she made it a point to make sure she was dressed before everyone else and was super rude to my future sister in law multiple times. I didn't like it so I gave her the official boot.

I think I'll lie low for the time being and the next time something happens, try to address it some how!

Ugh, that's always so awkward! I had that situation myself, and have known a few others who have. So I'm assuming when she is asking about dresses, she is asking about BM dresses, not your dress? I mean, asking what your colors are is a pretty generic question. Many people have asked me that, but not with the purpose of trying to figure our what color dress they need to wear. If she says something specific, like, "What color dresses will we be wearing?" I would probably address it right then. I definitely wouldn't just TELL her she's not a BM of your own accord, but if she pretty much says she is one, it's better to correct that sooner rather than later. If she starts talking about it but is never told otherwise, that could serve as confirmation to her that she is. Is there a reason you could give, such as family-only bridal party, or really small bridal party? (Not that you owe anyone a "reason," but something like that usually softens the blow to assuming friends.) Something like, "You are such a special friend to me, and there are many people I would like to include but unfortunately can't. FS and I agreed to keep things simple with only 3 attendants each. But I can't wait to celebrate with you at my wedding!"

Is she a close enough friend that you may want her to do a reading during the wedding, if you guys are having any? If so, asking her to do that would give her the hint she is not actually IN the wedding. But you definitely don't need to add that in just to include her :-)

If she doesn't bring it up directly, I would just let things happen naturally. She'll eventually figure it out. This caused me so much stress during my engagement, but unless someone directly said something to me, I didn't address it because it's so uncomfortable to just say, "Just so you hear from me, you're not a BM. Love you though!" With my wedding 4 months away, I assume anyone who thought they would be in it know by now they are not. And I do have a wedding party section on my website, so that officially confirms it I guess.

This is why I'm tempted to leave it for now, there's a lot of time until the big day

It's tricky for me because between now and then I'm moving to the states permanently basically at the time where it would be "normal" to be sorting all these things, so I'm trying to get a head start.

She has asked if I've looked at BMs dresses specifically, and this far away from the wedding it put me on high alert that she was thinking she might be wearing it!

So I'm having 5 in total, this is actually more than I would have chosen, it's uncommon in the UK to have so many, but FH wanted 5 GMs so I decided to match. One is my sister and the other 4 are close friends - 2 of which are actually guys so this could make it even worse!