Codi
Beginner May 2021

Freaking Out About Officiant, please help!

Codi, on April 21, 2021 at 6:06 PM

Posted in Planning 24

Hello Everyone, I've never posted on wedding wire before but I need to vent/ get others takes on my situation. Apologies in advance for the length - but please help! I'll have to give a lot of context. So my fiancé and I were supposed to be married last year in December with a 60 person guest list....

Hello Everyone, I've never posted on wedding wire before but I need to vent/ get others takes on my situation. Apologies in advance for the length - but please help! I'll have to give a lot of context. So my fiancé and I were supposed to be married last year in December with a 60 person guest list. With the pandemic and a serious family illness for my FIL we decided to postpone for everyone's safety and to try and avoid sudden closures. Well the venue refused to work with us and I lost out on $1,500 because of it. Cut to 2021, my fiancé and I decided that we did not want to wait. We are now getting (Micro) married on May 10th with 9 of our closest family members and I am so very happy we decided to. I found a wedding planner that had a great package and price where everything is taken care of - flowers, officiant, ceremony decorations, photo/video, etc. And she has been amazing so far - plus she is giving my fiancé and I a surprise wedding cake free of charge with a free of charge cake table for the day as a thank you and gesture for what we lost out on with the first venue. It brought tears to my eyes. So everything has been perfect... up till now. The officiant has been very nice on the phone and worked with us on vows and allowed me to edit the entire ceremony to read how I would like. He even commented that he enjoyed my edits to the speech and vows. However, he has been pretty unpredictable with communication. I was supposed to have my final ceremony script a week and half ago. I just got it today (after emailing him four days ago) only to find that he basically left out my edits and it sounds nearly like it did before I fixed everything. I am so confused. This has been the third issue with him, the biggest one. And I am just frustrated. He is supposed to be providing typed up vow cards for me and my fiancé but he doesn't seem dependable. And the biggest issue by far is that come to find out, he is my planners boyfriend. Yea, so I feel really weird about complaining to my lovely wedding planner since she is dating him (I found out through googling my officiant and social media). He also doesn't have officiant on any of his work portfolios, he's a realtor. So I feel like he just does this as a side hustle. I am just really annoyed and upset that he has been so unreliable and dropped the ball so horribly when the day is so close. And even more stressed that I can't say anything to my planner with the conflict of interest and all the nice things she has done for me when she didn't have to. What do I do or how do I handle this problem?

24 Comments

  • A
    Expert June 2021
    Allie ·
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    Ooohhhhhhhh that's my bad for my misunderstanding - I didn't catch that aspect before! Yikes! I wish you the best of luck with your meeting on Monday!!

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  • Ivory
    Dedicated August 2024
    Ivory ·
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    Agreed! I haven't seriously looked at officiants yet, but not being able to customize our ceremony would be a dealbreaker for me. I'd be happy to listen to any suggestions the officiant has and for them to say whatever they want (so long as it's not some wife as property b.s.) but when it comes to OUR vows, or what WE do during the ceremony, that really doesn't impact the officiant in any meaningful way. Suggestions are welcome, but if we're paying the officiant hundreds of dollars to marry us, (s)he's still getting a paycheck regardless of whether or not we follow their advice to the letter. They probably won't remember our wedding for the rest of their lives; we will.

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  • Codi
    Beginner May 2021
    Codi ·
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    Definitely, like I understand that there are always limits to the service but unless an officiant has to say something specific due to a religion or some type of reading requirement, they should always be able to accommodate what you’d like.
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  • Beth
    Savvy September 2021
    Beth ·
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    Definitely say something to your planner. That’s unacceptable.
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