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Just Said Yes May 2021

Former mother in law?

Jill, on April 14, 2021 at 1:35 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 4

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Hi all. I’m in a bit of a sticky situation. My fiancé and I are close with my ex-husband. There are kiddos involved, we celebrate holidays together and the relationship is good. We are also somewhat close with my ex’s mom A. She very early on expressed a desire to be invited to the wedding - both her and my ex are. My fiancé is on board, it’s good.

Now we’re on to the shower (it’s mainly for my fiancé bc she’s not been married before). She’d prefer not to have my former MIL A at the shower. One step too much. I totally get it - but I have no idea how to tell A she’s not invited. It’s bound to hurt her feelings but - any tips to soften the blow?

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4 Comments

Latest activity by Jill, on April 15, 2021 at 11:22 AM

Master August 2019
Rebecca · on April 14, 2021 at 3:38 AM
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Not everyone invited to the wedding gets invited to the shower.
As this is for your fiancee, it's appropriate to be more of her family and friends. Just tell your former MIL that this party is more focused on your FW, and that the guest list is drawing from her life.
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Devoted June 2020
Victoria · on April 14, 2021 at 7:42 AM
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Ditto on PP Rebecca. It’s usually a smaller gathering and if the focus is on your FW than it’s acceptable to not invite your former MIL. My suggestion is to not apologize as if she’s being excluded- just to say that it’s your FW event is enough.
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Super July 2023
Eniale · on April 14, 2021 at 8:38 AM
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Is there a reason you need to tell her that she isn't invited in the first place?
If she hasn't asked, I wouldn't offer the information. She isn't invited, and you wouldn't tell anyone else who wasn't invited that they weren't or why.
If she has asked, I agree with previous posters - say this is primarily your FW's event as she has never had a shower before, and so the guest list is comprised of her guests and some of your mutuals.
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Just Said Yes May 2021
Jill · on April 15, 2021 at 11:22 AM
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Thank you! No no reason to specifically tell her - but I think she’ll see herself as entitled to one even though after posting this I realized we only see her a handful of times per year. I think it’s more an issue of *her* than etiquette. Well, and my people-pleasing nature
Several of my mom’s friends are invited so alas, it’s legit a joint shower. I just hope it doesn’t come up! 🙉
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