P.F.
Super May 2018

Forgot to invite a cousin!!!! Help!!!!

P.F., on April 1, 2018 at 1:40 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 20
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馃槰 I've been planning over a year and during that whole process of collecting addresses, making sure we got every member in the circles invited (all first cousins, no second cousins), sending STDs, once again making sure we got them all, sending invites.... Our wedding is next month and I just remembered two cousins and their mother that we completely left out!! We all forgot about them! We haven't seen or heard from them in over a decade so I'd like to give myself a pass but I can't because we literally invited that whole part of the family except them *face palm.* I don't want them to think I did it on purpose and don't like them but it's way after everyone else got their invites so they might know and think they're B-listed or something. Idk what to do!! Help!!

It's pure chance I remembered them at all. I was thinking of people with interesting names which lead me to my cousin which was a total "oh 馃挬" moment leading to his wife, his sister, and their mother....

What should I do??

20 Comments

  • O
    Master October 2017
    O
    • Flag
    If you really want them there send them an invitation.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Dedicated May 2018
    Michelle
    • Flag
    Just reach out to them if you really want them to be there. Be like "Hey! I haven't received your RSVP. You got my invite right? No? Oh no let me send another one"

    • Reply
  • Meet The Lamptons
    Beginner June 2018
    Meet The Lamptons
    • Flag
    I would say, send them an invitation if it would really mean a lot to you for them to be there. However, keep in mind...its YOUR day, not the family reunion. Maybe this will help!

    Forgot to invite a cousin!!!! Help!!!! 1
    • Reply
  • P.F.
    Super May 2018
    P.F.
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I like that!
    • Reply
  • P.F.
    Super May 2018
    P.F.
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    According to your picture they're eliminated so that would certainly help things. I feel a lot better now. I still hate the idea of them thinking we left them out on purpose but your chart makes me realize they might go years without knowing I got married
    • Reply
  • The Nuptials
    VIP July 2018
    The Nuptials
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I would do this too. Telling them you forgot which is honest may cause some hurt feelings. Are they local?
    • Reply
  • The Nuptials
    VIP July 2018
    The Nuptials
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Do you truly care if they know or not? You haven鈥檛 heard from them in years. Why are you inviting them? Just obligation? Not snarky, just curious! I have a ton of people invited that I haven鈥檛 seen in 5-7yrs but I told my parents they had to pay for them if they must be invited.
    • Reply
  • P.F.
    Super May 2018
    P.F.
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    No they're pretty far from everyone. The female cousin no one one knows how to contact her or where she is. So I can probably get away with leaving her out but to save face I'd like to extend the invitation to the male cousin and his mom. I like the idea of pretending it got lost in the mail鈽
    • Reply
  • P.F.
    Super May 2018
    P.F.
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Truly? No.
    I do feel obligated because I invited everyone else in that circle and I don't want their feelings hurt but at the same time I actually do like them. At least last I saw any of them I thought they were enjoyable.
    Should I just forget it and not feel guilty? Y'all are making me wonder if it's just as likely they forgot about me
    • Reply
  • The Nuptials
    VIP July 2018
    The Nuptials
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Since its been 'over a decade' I would let this go, 100%. You know they are not coming and it looks like a gift grab at this point if they know others have been invited. I'm sure they were not expecting an invitation anyways.

    • Reply
  • P.F.
    Super May 2018
    P.F.
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    You think so? That makes sense I guess. It would certainly be worse if they thought I just wanted gifts. Okay well I guess that solves the problem then. It seems like this is a situation best left alone.
    Thank you for your advice! It helped to see how they might take it
    • Reply
  • Lauren
    Expert June 2019
    Lauren
    • Flag
    Call them up saying you haven't recieved their RSVP and was wondering if they're going to make it to the wedding. "OMG you never got one?!?!?" It must have gotten lost in the mail, ill send another one right away! We hope you can make it!" Sometimes a little white lie is the best option to keep everyone happy
    • Reply
  • July18Bride
    Super July 2018
    July18Bride
    • Flag

    I mean personally if I hadn't seen them in a decade and even forgot about them then I wouldn't bother inviting them, but I also only want people that I am close to at my wedding so this opinion is biased.

    • Reply
  • Lindsey
    VIP June 2018
    Lindsey
    • Flag

    I would sent them an invite, I have been excluded from every party and wedding from my dads side for ten years and I have always been an outsider from the family since I was a child. And I have no clue why to this day . But every invite I don鈥檛 get still hurts and I always seem to find out about them even though I don鈥檛 even think they think I will. Reach out the olive branch. If they decline they do but it may be a opurtinity to be closer to them
    • Reply
  • P.F.
    Super May 2018
    P.F.
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I don't think they've necessarily been excluded though. They choose not to be involved. But that's an interesting perspective. I looked the male cousin up on fb and he has a bunch of family that are coming to the wedding as a friend so he'll definitely find out about the wedding. Yeah just for peace sake maybe I should go with the lost invite. Such a waffler!
    Thanks for your input!
    • Reply
  • A
    Expert September 2019
    Anna
    • Flag
    Totally up to you. If you want to invite them, then invite them. But don鈥檛 feel obligated because they have the family title.
    • Reply
  • Vanessasaurus
    VIP June 2019
    Vanessasaurus
    • Flag
    I personally eliminated aunts and 1st cousins that moved out of state and haven't really kept in contact from my guest list entirely, soooo I would not feel bad if I accidently forgot those people. IMHO a wedding is meant to be enjoyed with the people in your everday life, it is not meant to be a family reunion.
    • Reply
  • Lindsey
    VIP June 2018
    Lindsey
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    That鈥檚 what people thought about me. When I wasn鈥檛 at weddings or birthdays people thought it was because I chose not to go . So people thought to even more events 鈥 why bother she鈥檚 not going to even go鈥 We actually had to sit down with my dad and have a meditation because even after I sent our invites to these family members they excluded me from a birthday and easter party last week.
    • Reply
  • Lindsey
    VIP June 2018
    Lindsey
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I see weddings I鈥檓 not invited to all the time from fb. Now after the talk my parents said they aren鈥檛 going to go if I鈥檓 not invited since it鈥檚 cleared up
    • Reply
  • P.F.
    Super May 2018
    P.F.
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I'm sorry that has happened to you and I'd hate to do to someone else what your family did to you seeing how it hurt you. Basically this is why I felt I needed to send an invite in the first place, to avoid hurt feelings.
    While I still genuinely believe they won't care, I'll take your story to heart and extend the offer just in case
    • Reply

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