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Super May 2018

Forgot to invite a cousin!!!! Help!!!!

P.F., on April 1, 2018 at 1:40 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 20

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😨 I've been planning over a year and during that whole process of collecting addresses, making sure we got every member in the circles invited (all first cousins, no second cousins), sending STDs, once again making sure we got them all, sending invites.... Our wedding is next month and I just remembered two cousins and their mother that we completely left out!! We all forgot about them! We haven't seen or heard from them in over a decade so I'd like to give myself a pass but I can't because we literally invited that whole part of the family except them *face palm.* I don't want them to think I did it on purpose and don't like them but it's way after everyone else got their invites so they might know and think they're B-listed or something. Idk what to do!! Help!!

It's pure chance I remembered them at all. I was thinking of people with interesting names which lead me to my cousin which was a total "oh 💩" moment leading to his wife, his sister, and their mother....

What should I do??

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20 Comments

Latest activity by P.F., on April 1, 2018 at 11:54 PM

Master October 2017
O · on April 1, 2018 at 1:59 PM
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If you really want them there send them an invitation.
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Dedicated May 2018
Michelle · on April 1, 2018 at 2:08 PM
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Just reach out to them if you really want them to be there. Be like "Hey! I haven't received your RSVP. You got my invite right? No? Oh no let me send another one"
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Beginner June 2018
Meet The Lamptons · on April 1, 2018 at 2:12 PM
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I would say, send them an invitation if it would really mean a lot to you for them to be there. However, keep in mind...its YOUR day, not the family reunion. Maybe this will help!
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Super May 2018
P.F. · on April 1, 2018 at 2:24 PM
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I like that!
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Super May 2018
P.F. · on April 1, 2018 at 2:36 PM
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According to your picture they're eliminated so that would certainly help things. I feel a lot better now. I still hate the idea of them thinking we left them out on purpose but your chart makes me realize they might go years without knowing I got married
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VIP July 2018
The Nuptials · on April 1, 2018 at 4:21 PM
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I would do this too. Telling them you forgot which is honest may cause some hurt feelings. Are they local?
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VIP July 2018
The Nuptials · on April 1, 2018 at 4:23 PM
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Do you truly care if they know or not? You haven’t heard from them in years. Why are you inviting them? Just obligation? Not snarky, just curious! I have a ton of people invited that I haven’t seen in 5-7yrs but I told my parents they had to pay for them if they must be invited.
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Super May 2018
P.F. · on April 1, 2018 at 4:32 PM
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No they're pretty far from everyone. The female cousin no one one knows how to contact her or where she is. So I can probably get away with leaving her out but to save face I'd like to extend the invitation to the male cousin and his mom. I like the idea of pretending it got lost in the mail☺
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Super May 2018
P.F. · on April 1, 2018 at 4:47 PM
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Truly? No.
I do feel obligated because I invited everyone else in that circle and I don't want their feelings hurt but at the same time I actually do like them. At least last I saw any of them I thought they were enjoyable.
Should I just forget it and not feel guilty? Y'all are making me wonder if it's just as likely they forgot about me
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VIP July 2018
The Nuptials · on April 1, 2018 at 4:54 PM
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Since its been 'over a decade' I would let this go, 100%. You know they are not coming and it looks like a gift grab at this point if they know others have been invited. I'm sure they were not expecting an invitation anyways.
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Super May 2018
P.F. · on April 1, 2018 at 4:58 PM
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You think so? That makes sense I guess. It would certainly be worse if they thought I just wanted gifts. Okay well I guess that solves the problem then. It seems like this is a situation best left alone.
Thank you for your advice! It helped to see how they might take it
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Expert June 2019
Lauren · on April 1, 2018 at 5:03 PM
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Call them up saying you haven't recieved their RSVP and was wondering if they're going to make it to the wedding. "OMG you never got one?!?!?" It must have gotten lost in the mail, ill send another one right away! We hope you can make it!" Sometimes a little white lie is the best option to keep everyone happy
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Super September 2022
July18Bride · on April 1, 2018 at 8:47 PM
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I mean personally if I hadn't seen them in a decade and even forgot about them then I wouldn't bother inviting them, but I also only want people that I am close to at my wedding so this opinion is biased.
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VIP June 2018
Lindsey · on April 1, 2018 at 9:46 PM
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I would sent them an invite, I have been excluded from every party and wedding from my dads side for ten years and I have always been an outsider from the family since I was a child. And I have no clue why to this day . But every invite I don’t get still hurts and I always seem to find out about them even though I don’t even think they think I will. Reach out the olive branch. If they decline they do but it may be a opurtinity to be closer to them
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Super May 2018
P.F. · on April 1, 2018 at 10:24 PM
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I don't think they've necessarily been excluded though. They choose not to be involved. But that's an interesting perspective. I looked the male cousin up on fb and he has a bunch of family that are coming to the wedding as a friend so he'll definitely find out about the wedding. Yeah just for peace sake maybe I should go with the lost invite. Such a waffler!
Thanks for your input!
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Expert September 2019
Anna · on April 1, 2018 at 10:27 PM
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Totally up to you. If you want to invite them, then invite them. But don’t feel obligated because they have the family title.
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VIP June 2019
Vanessasaurus · on April 1, 2018 at 11:39 PM
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I personally eliminated aunts and 1st cousins that moved out of state and haven't really kept in contact from my guest list entirely, soooo I would not feel bad if I accidently forgot those people. IMHO a wedding is meant to be enjoyed with the people in your everday life, it is not meant to be a family reunion.
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VIP June 2018
Lindsey · on April 1, 2018 at 11:39 PM
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That’s what people thought about me. When I wasn’t at weddings or birthdays people thought it was because I chose not to go . So people thought to even more events “ why bother she’s not going to even go” We actually had to sit down with my dad and have a meditation because even after I sent our invites to these family members they excluded me from a birthday and easter party last week.
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VIP June 2018
Lindsey · on April 1, 2018 at 11:41 PM
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I see weddings I’m not invited to all the time from fb. Now after the talk my parents said they aren’t going to go if I’m not invited since it’s cleared up
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Super May 2018
P.F. · on April 1, 2018 at 11:54 PM
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I'm sorry that has happened to you and I'd hate to do to someone else what your family did to you seeing how it hurt you. Basically this is why I felt I needed to send an invite in the first place, to avoid hurt feelings.
While I still genuinely believe they won't care, I'll take your story to heart and extend the offer just in case
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