FMOG not invited to bridal shower

I'd let it go. You don't know the details of the shower - perhaps it was a small one for her family only. Multiple showers are common in my area - especially one for the bride's family and one for the groom's.

And if not, then still let it go. Being angry isn't going to change anything or turn back the time.

Is she controlling or do you have trouble sharing?

You also need to remember that your FDIL likely wasn't in charge of the guest list -- someone threw that for her.

If prior to this you have felt that she is keeping them from you, then it sounds like either way communication needs to happen between you, her and your son. You may find the answer you are looking for without having to specifically address the shower. However, be prepared that you may hear something you don't want to. Good luck!

My son is 31 and has been on his own off and on. (Military, our home, and first marriage) We have always had a good relationship in communication and seeing each other often until his FBTB. During his first marriage our relationship didn't change much. I know this wedding is untraditional and I am by no means traditional. And I understand she probably didn't set the guest list, but I felt it rude to not at least make sure I was asked out of courtesy and respect.

After reading, I guess it's not uncommon to have one for our small side of the family.

Thank you everyone for your comments.

I'm with Bailey - throw one for her yourself! Maybe it will give you a chance to spend some more time together. :-)

I suppose it depends on your relationship with her. I don't know my FMIL at all (we're meeting for the first time next month, actually). If I was having a shower it wouldn't even occur to me to add her because we're not close and to me a shower is only for people I see regularly anyway. But my FMIL also doesn't live in the same state as we do.

I'll try to remember to include her in something, if she comes to the wedding. It's nice to hear the MOG perspective.

For advice to you, I say not to feel too badly as you can't possibly know the circumstances. Don't say to your son "I wish I would have been invited, I'm hurt I wasn't." Say something like "I heard FDIL had a shower, I hope everything was lovely. Please let me know if I can be of some help in the wedding planning for you to, I would love to be involved."

Depends on your relationship with her. My FMIL is not invited to my bridal shower or any planning because of her manipulative behavior. She always turns everything to be about her and often says I'm keeping FH from her even though he's tried many times to knock some sense into her....

I wouldn't read too much in to it. It might not even be about you at all. Be positive and welcoming when you are included, and that way you'll be invited back.

My feelings would be hurt, too - regardless of the reason why, you were left out and that stinks. I have to admit that my personality veers toward wallowing in the hurt. Thankfully, I have a mom who showed me through example that the best way to cope with hurt is to always be on the high road (be gracious, generous, positive, forgiving) and I do find this helps (you know, as long as you're not a doormat!) Just the fact that you are pausing and considering how best to handle what is probably a storm of emotion, shows that you are already on the high road - a lot of other people would have gone the "lash out" route. I wish you all the best as you navigate this.

Where I'm from it's not unusual to have multiple showers, especially since my family and my FIL family live 6 hours apart! Not sure of your relationship with FDIL, but if you aren't close to her maybe mention to your son that you heard that she'd had a shower and ask how it went. Maybe think about proposing the idea of throwing her one for your side of the family to show that you want to be included in the planning! Good luck!

Id let it go. Normally your FDIL has no say in her shower anyway, and perhaps no control of the guest list. I doubt it was a personal slight, and of all the bridal showers I've been to, the FMIL has never been there. It's been a celebration with the bride and her current friends and family. If the future in laws choose to throw a shower as well, I've seen those happen as couple's showers to include your son too. Try to let it go and focus on the joys of the ovcasion

I didn't even think I had to invite my FMIL to my shower. I thought showers were for the brides friends/ age mate? I guess I'm wrong.

I'm with the posters who said to throw her a shower with your side of the family. It'll make her feel welcomed and if you get to know her better you'll probably get to spend more time with your granddaughter too.

In my culture, Bridal Showers are supposed to be a surprise. If my mom would've hosted my shower, I would've had no control over the guest list. Try not to take things personal. I always feel like I'm walking on eggshells with my fmil. She gets offended and cries for anything. It makes it uncomfortable to be around her.