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Savvy November 2020

fmil

Sam, on August 17, 2020 at 10:05 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 10

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Hi everyone- please bare with me for this rant.
Last week I made a Facebook group with those who are invited to the rehearsal dinner but I was strictly just for date so people are aware of when it is. Apparently my FMIL was upset and felt left out. The reason I did this was she is a last minute planner so I want people to know now but I wasn’t taking the planning away from her. She then went to my FH to complain about how I don’t include her in planning. She was mad she didn’t go dress shopping with my mom and I and actually left a snarky comment on my moms Facebook post about finding the dress. When we were picking out suits, I did invite her but she decided last minute she wanted to build a BMW online (she could do that at any time but had to do it at the time we were going shopping) and finally she showed up 45 minutes late to my bridal shower. It’s just hard to include her when she makes snarky comments, is late or decides not to come. She also wanted to go to breakfast with my mom and i to discuss the plans we have made for the rehearsal dinner because she doesn’t believe that we haven’t planned anything. My mom took over and told her we have not planned a single thing, i just put the date out there. She now claims she didn’t know what date it was and we came up with the date without her meaning we were leaving her out. Has anyone else dealt with this or have suggestions on how to deal with a crazy MIL?

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10 Comments

Latest activity by Sam, on August 18, 2020 at 6:34 AM

Master October 2020
Margaret · on August 17, 2020 at 11:00 AM
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My MIL has decided to invite family members that were not invited initially and now getting PO'd that I've invited very close friends and co-workers. It seems she was fine as long as it was HER family but not mine. My FHs family consists of basically 1/2 our wedding and if we had kept our initial headcount it would've been 9/10's his family and my mom and best friend 22 to 3. Let's face it, we'll never make these women happy. Just grin and bear it.
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Super November 2020
Natalie · on August 17, 2020 at 11:40 AM
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She sounds like someone who will be unhappy and cause drama regardless of the circumstances. Keep on planning your wedding as you are, only invite her to events of your choosing, let her know the rehearsal planning is all her, and just ignore the drama!
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Master 0000
Judith · on August 17, 2020 at 11:52 AM
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If the MOG, or any person except B & G takes on the responsibility of planning the Reheasal, engagement , or shower ( or in general etiquette, any dinner party or party), It is always the party hostess who proposes the dates ( within a couple months of them happening), then consulting with the bride on which are convenient. The hostess not the bride, an ounces the date. And the hostess not the bride sends the invitations. MOG is right, whether a general party or a wedding one, you should never have set or announced a date. It was quite impolite of you, and likely embarrassing to her.
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VIP January 2019
Maggie · on August 17, 2020 at 12:50 PM
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I would apologize for leaving her out of the Facebook group, reiterate (once more) that you haven't make any plans for the rehearsal dinner yet, and then change the subject if she brings it up again. When you do get around to making plans, make sure she is informed along with all of the other guests.
Outside of that, all you can do is go about your planning and try to discuss details with her as little as possible. Encourage your future spouse to take over all communication with their mother.
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Super April 2021
Tiger Bride · on August 17, 2020 at 1:07 PM
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It's a rehearsal dinner. Isn't it the night before?
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Master 0000
Judith · on August 17, 2020 at 1:24 PM
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Many churches and venues , the sanctuary or ceremony area is in use the day or night before. If bride and groom are reasonably local, the rehearsal will e when the clergy or officiant can do it. more often on an afternoon or evening in the previous two weeks. With those who can make it. only B and G must. When a rehearsal is an odd time, Tues 10 am, or Wed 7:30-8:30, about half the time the RD will be on one of the previous weekends. Not every wedding has a rehearsal. And RD themselves are optional. The only time they are mostly the night before is if the wedding is far from the couple, or most WP are coming from out of town, and at a hotel. And all will be there by dinner. RD are not uncommon at brunch or lunch, with an evening wedding, same day or the day before.
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Savvy November 2020
Sam · on August 17, 2020 at 2:06 PM
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I did apologize! She was included in the group but it was strictly to get everyone in the same group and on the same page. My only intention was to have a place for the date as she’s a plan it last minute person. I did inform her that she can still plan but I wanted to be sure the date is out there! However even after that she still complains about being left out of everything else! My FH is unfortunately a just include her person but doesn’t understand the issues
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Savvy November 2020
Sam · on August 17, 2020 at 2:08 PM
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See we are under the impression it’s the day before and that’s common knowledge. I didn’t take any planning from her Nd told her that she can plan but she’s a 2 weeks before type person so I foresee it being messy planning. I find it impolite of her to show up late by almost an hour to an event for me or not show bc she’s building a BMW online. That’s embarrassing to me and honestly i think worse for her to do those things to me then complain I announced a date that’s common knowledge
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Master August 2019
Rebecca · on August 18, 2020 at 5:19 AM
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She sounds borderline narcissistic.
I do think it's a bit early to plan the rehearsal dinner (unless you have very unusual circumstances), but setting up a FB group doesn't call for that kind of reaction. (Honestly, I'd think most older people would be glad you did that bit for them!)
Your FH needs to set down boundaries and also talk to her about her behavior.
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Savvy November 2020
Sam · on August 18, 2020 at 6:34 AM
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Thank you!!! I’m still in school so I’ve been trying to get a basis for everything during the summer when I’m out of school! But of course it was literally only the date, nothing else. FH hasn’t said much besides include her but I explained I’ve tried with other things and she has decided not to do whatever to be included. The date wasn’t excluding her as she was in the group but just so everyone knows when!
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