FMIL pulled out on rehearsal dinner last minute!

If your paying, do what you like and can afford. If the funds change so should the plans.

I say keep it cheap. You shouldn't have banked on money you didn't receive. It is ridiculous that she is limiting her budget based on your mom's contribution despite the circumstances. You know what, why don't you just cancel the rehearsal dinner. It really isn't needed if you can't afford it.

I would have no issue cancelling the rehearsal dinner. Does that look bad to the bridal party? Can we just rehearse for wedding day of?

If she wants to pull tradition, gently remind her that the rehearsal dinner should be strictly wedding party and their SO only. She's being unreasonable for pulling out because your mom can't give more, then to add to the guest list! For goodness sake your mom is getting chemo!

Hi Love716, you could definitely rehearse the day of, but to avoid cramming that in with everything else you have going on that day--you could also just skip it! A rehearsal really isn't necessary!

Thank you for the responses I have been so stressed about this issue!

I wouldn't skip a rehearsal dinner...it's a way of thanking your attendants and getting so spend a little down time with them before the big day. Let your FMIL know you are keeping the dinner ~traditional and small. The End. If you start allowing OOT guests and family in, where do you stop? You can't invite Aunt X and not invite Aunt Y, ya know?

She's an asshat. I'd decline her money for a RD and if go through with one, invite only those who need to be there with their SO's for that pizza party.

Never bank on money unless you have it. I'm sorry that it's going down like this. I agree that you plan the RD you want and can afford and invite the bp and their SO.

You've got it figured out. Scale down the rehearsal or don't have one at all. If shes not paying for it entirely, its yours to control. If she asks, let her know "We really needed x money to help with the reception, so we had to cut the unnecessary rehearsal to stay on budget."

But to anyone else reading, this is why you shouldn't let other people know who is contributing what. It very quickly becomes about being "fair" and less about what they can and would like to give.

Both my parents and FILs are contributing, but neither know how much we're getting from the other. The only thing they've done to keep it "fair" is that my mother is hosting a day after brunch as a counterpoint to the RD that my FILs are paying for.

We didn't have a rehearsal.

If you do, though, you need to feed them afterwards.

I would tel her sorry you can't accommodate her friends she wants to invite. Make it strictly bridal party and eat some pizza and drink some beer!

I feel guilty to not have one for the BP. I appreciate all the great responses. Tough lesson learned.

You can absolutely do a run through on the day of the wedding (it should take about 10 minutes or less). Most of our venues don't even offer a separate day rehearsal because it's unnecessary. BUT if you have a rehearsal, you need a dinner, and frankly, I think casual (and cheap) is better.

OOT guests are generally not supposed to be invited to the RD; just the rehearsers, their SO's and family.

If this was me? I'd bag the rehearsal, give her the money back. I think she's a piglet for using your mother's illness and financial state to justify her contribution; just give what you want to and shut up. Or don't give at all. But don't give money and then expect to invite guest to a party where they don't even belong to begin with.

I'm sorry about your mom. Prayers to your family.

You've been given some great advice. Throw the pizza backyard rehearsal dinner you want to throw and tell her it's bp only. If she says her guests have to be invited, tell her that you unfortunately can't afford to invite anyone beyond the bp, your siblings and parents. The key thing is not to sound pissed off when you tell her this. What she did was sucky, but you don't want to ruin your relationship with her over this dinner.

I would keep it small and to the wedding party as long as you are feeding them and thanking them you will be good, she will have to just understand

You can definitely have a casual rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. You're good as long as you're providing food and drinks to people.

Give her the money back and do a small dinner with your bridal party. I think the pizza or a backyard bbq idea sounds great, nice and intimate with all your friends.

I think pizza would be fine but if you're going to rehearse you should do it at least where the ceremony will be.

I'd tell you FMIL that it will be bridal party & SO only. You're paying, you get to say who's invited.

If you want to do a dinner, as others have said I'd keep it bridal party only, nice and relaxed and easy going. You do want stress the day before. I had a civil ceremony, so didn't even have a rehearsal. There was no problems. Everyone know where to sit,when to walk in. All the reading and music were written into the programme so between that and the officiant calling up people there was no hassle. I will be honest though the hotel wedding coordinator did tell me when to walk in and all of that..but it would have been fine regardless. Go with your gut, you have the right idea..

I do think its a bit mad the way she reacted. It's not a competition.