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Devoted October 2018

fmil plans on wearing an off-white dress to my wedding 🤦🏻‍♀️

Josie, on July 16, 2018 at 11:23 AM Posted in Wedding Attire 0 21

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I texted my FMIL about a week ago saying I wanted to take her dress shopping for her mother-of-the-groom dress. I had taken my mom dress shopping the week prior. It was agreed beforehand, mother of the bride & groom were to wear navy. She says she doesn’t want us buying her dress, she feels bad she can’t help with paying for anything in the first place, which I understand so I didn’t pressure her. She says she wants to get a dress when she gets paid next month. I said ok, wedding isn’t until October 7th. She texts me last night a pic of a dress she found online... and it’s literally white! Like eggshell/off white but definitely white!! I’m literally staring at my phone not knowing what to say.... so I’m like does it come in navy? And she’s like yes but I like the white better. I didn’t even respond! FH comes home from work the next day and is like “did you see what my mom wants to wear?” I’m like yeah!!!! She’s your mom you better take care of that!!

I know he wont say anything. So I’m hoping by the time she gets paid that she will want to go shopping with me. I’m trying not to sound crazy lol but really?! Also she says she is on a budget, and this dress was $85. We got my moms at Ross for $14.99 and it’s gorgeous 🤣

let her wear white?? Am I overreacting?? 🤣

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21 Comments

Latest activity by FutureMrsR, on July 16, 2018 at 7:19 PM

Master October 2018
MrsV1027 · on July 16, 2018 at 11:26 AM
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You are overreacting. Everyone will know you are the bride. Let her wear what she feels beautiful in.
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Master January 2019
FutureMrsKC · on July 16, 2018 at 11:28 AM
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Regardless of the color she wears, everyone will know you are the bride, and even though it seems strange, I don't think you can necessarily tell her no if its something she likes and is paying for.
Her budget isn't really any concern either, whether she wants to pay $15 or $85.
Most brides don't want others to wear white the wedding day, but its 2018 and way more common to see people in white these days. Especially bridal parties and white bridesmaid dresses. I'd wait until it comes time for her to actually order something and see what she picks.
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Expert September 2018
char · on July 16, 2018 at 11:28 AM
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I'd be a little irked, too but you gotta pick your battles.
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Master August 2018
Nemo · on July 16, 2018 at 11:29 AM
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I would have freaked out too. I'm #teamletmomswearwhattheywant but this crosses the line to me. My sister wanted to wear a white dress and I told her that it was her choice, but I also let her know how I felt about it. She ended up finding a black dress instead.
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Super May 2018
Josh & Justine · on July 16, 2018 at 11:30 AM
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I know it seems incredibly annoying, but it's not worth stressing over. As long as it's a nice dress (and not something skin-tight/short/flashy) it's not going to take away from you at all.
I've had a handful of friends' MILs wear white or off-white to their weddings...it's definitely a little weird, but it happens a lot more than you'd think!
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Savvy October 2018
Samantha · on July 16, 2018 at 11:34 AM
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I disagree. Your wedding is yours and your spouse's. If you don't want her to wear white, explain to her why. Just because it's 2018 or other brides did it, doesn't mean you have to! I'm all about the couple doing what they want.
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Super June 2018
OG Gretchen · on July 16, 2018 at 11:42 AM
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The couple can do what THEY want, but they don’t get to force grown adults to bow to their demands. They aren’t paying for her dress, so she can buy what she wants.
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Super March 2019
Nisa · on July 16, 2018 at 11:48 AM
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I wouldn't like it if it we're me, and I'd voice my opinion, but I wouldn't make it a big argument or something that she 100% allowed to do, because she is an adult. Voiced correctly, and assuming that your FMIL is understanding, she probably won't wear it if you let her know how you feel.
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Expert August 2019
Marissa · on July 16, 2018 at 12:05 PM
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I would be more annoyed that my fmil wore white than if a random guest did.
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Dedicated August 2018
J.Taylor · on July 16, 2018 at 12:21 PM
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People on this forum seem to have the “no pay no say” mentality. I would disregard half of these replies. Reality is, this is YOUR wedding (and spouses of course) and if you don’t want FMIL wearing white TELL HER. Obviously you don’t have to be rude and nasty, but just because you aren’t paying doesn’t mean you don’t get to voice your opinion. It’s your day, and she should respect your wishes. You only get this day one time. I told my FMIL what colors to avoid and I’m not paying for her dress. Seriously nothing even wrong with that, especially when you all already agreed to navy.
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Super September 2018
Ingrid · on July 16, 2018 at 12:27 PM
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I’d let her know that you didn’t want anyone in the wedding party to wear white. And if she puts her foot down, then just don’t stress it. That way you’ve been honest with her instead of being a pushover.
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Expert May 2019
Ashley1luv3 · on July 16, 2018 at 1:22 PM
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So I understand where your coming from. My fmil joked about wearing a off Whit dress with a little train and I joking but seriously told her if she wears anything of the such she will wearing it outside the chapel doors. I told her she can pick out whatever dress she likes as long as it Navy (our colors are Navy and Coral) and it definitely doesn't have any kind of train. I'm not at all worried about the attention not being on me but out of respect noone wears white but the bride.
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Super September 2018
Allie · on July 16, 2018 at 1:23 PM
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So.. i guess i can see both sides here in the comments.. but i would be mad if my mom told me she wanted to wear a white dress!! Maybe thats mean of me.. but the wife is the only one who gets to wear white in my opinion! UNLESS you are having your BP wear white or something like that... ive seen that before. But doesnt seem like the case here. I would have your FH let her know to buy the navy version!
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Devoted August 2018
Emily · on July 16, 2018 at 1:30 PM
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This would be my approach. I think you need to pick your battles, but if this is something that's going to bother you, there's nothing wrong with politely telling her how you feel about her wearing white. And hopefully she'll understand and choose the navy. If not, it is what it is, but everyone will know that YOU are the bride. Good luck!
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Devoted October 2018
Josie · on July 16, 2018 at 1:33 PM
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This is how I feel! I’m not worried about the attention - someone else can take it lol. I just feel like only the bride should be in white!!!
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VIP October 2018
queenbee · on July 16, 2018 at 1:57 PM
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I get that our mothers are grown ups and can pick whatever they want to wear to our weddings... but if you’re a grown up you should know better than to wear white to your child’s wedding lol. That’s just awkward and unnecessary. If I saw a Mom do that and it wasn’t planned by the bride, me and everyone at that wedding would talk about her outfit choice guaranteed.
If your FH won’t talk to her about it, I would. You don’t have to be rude or mean, just let her know that you’ll be wearing white (or ivory, whatever) and you’d prefer if she wore a different color. Don’t make her buy a navy dress, maybe she doesn’t like that color and is trying to rebel against what you want. I’d be like for the love of god, please wear anything but white lol.
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Super June 2018
OG Gretchen · on July 16, 2018 at 3:01 PM
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We see this every single day, so it’s clearly not “obvious” to many people that they shouldn’t wear certain colors. It’s not worth alienating your future in laws over to get your way. You can say that you thought nobody else should wear off white, but what she chooses is her own choice. If she chooses it anyway, side eye her and move on. Nobody is going to think she’s the bride or look down on the couple for it.
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Super October 2017
Raina · on July 16, 2018 at 3:30 PM
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Let her wear it she will look like the biggest a**hole in the world. Trust me i would be livid but at the end of the day people will whisper about her and not in a good way. I see so many of these posts i feel like a good majority of FMIL's so it just to either piss off the bride or get a reaction out of the them- no normal fmil would even think to wear white because THEY KNOW only the bride wears white.
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Dedicated October 2018
FutureMrsR · on July 16, 2018 at 5:55 PM
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My FMIL called my FH and asked him if she could wear a black dress to the wedding. He told her "mom, it's my wedding not my funeral, don't wear black." He said it in kind of a joking way so he didn't sound harsh or demanding but, it's his mom not some distant relative, he should be able to open an honest with her about what he thinks and feels.
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Super June 2018
OG Gretchen · on July 16, 2018 at 6:36 PM
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Black is a very classy color and looks good on most people. Many men own one suit, a black one. I think if he thinks black is for funerals he’s going to be disappointed in what people wear.
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