fmil Last minute bridal shower

Hmm this is a tough one because it's so odd for her to be adamant about throwing you a second bridal shower lol. It sounds like there are people from her life that felt like they should be in attendance, but if they're not invited to your wedding that's kind of weird to have a shower with all of these other people... I would recommend having a conversation with your FMIL to better understand why she feels like she needs to do this so that you can understand her logic as well as have a chance to explain to her that it's not necessary. At the end of the day, if it will cause the least drama, I would just let her throw it as long as she knows YOU don't expect her to and she's doing it for her own reasons. It could be with mostly a completely different set of guests who weren't at your first shower but including your mom and a close friend or something... I know sometimes people will have two showers if they have clusters of people in different locations, so you can kind of treat it in that same vein.

Maybe have your FH have a talk with her and say that she really doesn't need to throw a shower. It sounds like she's been adamant with you that she plans to have one, but maybe he'd be able to get through to her better?

Can it held be in the evening? I would accept the gracious hospitality and grin and bear it.

I have had my guest list for my bridal shower picked out for a while now. My aunt offered to host my bridal shower so I looked up who was typically invited to the bridal shower and made my guest list from there. Well then someone from my fiance's side asked if I would mind if she hosted one as well for people from his side and that way I could get to know some of the people on his side I havent been able to spend time with yet. I told her I didnt mind as long as my Aunt who offered first got first pick of dates. So I guess Im having 2 bridal showers, one in July and one in August. I asked one bridesmaid if she would mind attending the one on my fiance's side to record who gives me what gifts for thank you cards but mostly making sure theres no overlap on guests. Its really up to you

I know I'll be in the minority but...
If you don't want this shower, then you CAN say no since she can't force you... I found this:

Sure, saying NO can be hard if you're a people pleaser and of course you want to maintain a good relationship with her and her family ... but girl: you need to stand up for yourself and sometimes that means you need to put your feelings and wants first. If you don't want something, you don't and you need to let her know you you feel about the shower she wanna throw, after you expressed tour gratitude for wanting to honor you.

It's not against etiquette to decline a party that you don't want. Could you and your FI talk to her and see if she wants to host an alternative gathering, like a morning after brunch or something?

I disagree that it's gracious of your FMIL. She's doing it out of a sense of obligation, not hospitality, and you don't even want it. I agree with others that is acceptable to decline.

If you don’t want a second shower, you are well within your right to decline.
Also, I’ve never heard of the groom’s mom being obligated to host a bridal shower for you in which ladies from the groom’s side come shower you with gifts. Not sure why her neighbor said that….. At least here in the South I know it is very well understood by most people that because it’s a BRIDAL shower, the focus of the guest list is the bride’s side and who her family and close friends are. I’ve honestly never heard of or seen one myself that involved the groom’s side of the family. If the groom’s side wants a party where they meet the bride-to-be, it’s usually a couple’s shower or an engagement party.
I would have felt so awkward having to go to a bridal shower hosted by my FMIL consisting of only my FH’s female family and friends, opening all the gifts in front of them and having them stare at me 😬 I don’t even know their family friends at all and am not super close with his sister. If the planning hasn’t been done already, politely decline it.

Wow this is a sticky issue if you dont go ot will place a wedge between you too. And you want to keep her happy in away and not ruffle up no feathers but yes speak with and say there is no need to do it again because of her neighbor is. But sometimes there is no talking to them either lol lol Good luck my dear I hope that all of the advice that we gave you helps.

She may not be aware of the etiquette that only wedding guests should be invited to a shower. Once you share that with her, that may be the only ammunition she needs to fight back against her friends "influence". Plus if you follow etiquette strictly, a shower should never be hosted by the bride or either of the mothers. But I think the mothers were included because when this rule was followed, almost always the mothers were also hosting the wedding rather than the bridal couple and that would mean that they were asking for multiple gifts and that was a no-no. Either way, she could legitimately use either of these as a valid reason for not hosting a shower and her friends could not judge her harshly.

Actually funny enough the same thing happened to me! About the same time frame too! I just politely declined. I told her that I already had a wonderful bridal shower, but if she'd like she is more than welcome to host the rehearsal dinner. She loved that idea, and we were all good