fmil inviting people to wedding

I don't think you can do anything at this point except allow them to show up and have security escort them off the property. The obligation to do something is on the person inviting people when she's been told specifically to stop. Its clear that she isn't listening to reason. Or you can have her pay for those she's invited.

You told her exactly what you would do and I would stick to your guns on that. If she is not contributing financially then she has no say unless you let her. Just let her know then anyone not on YOUR list will not be let in and leave it at that!

I cannot believe that anyone who gets an STD handed to them does not understand they were not invited.

I’m having the same exact problem. FH and I are just sticking to our guns and every time she brings it up we repeat ourselves that anyone not on OUR list will not be accommodated. Anyone extra who shows up will be asked to leave by our coordinator.

When you send your official invitations I would make sure to put something on them that makes it impossible for your FIL’s to pass theirs along (exact names on RSVP cards, maybe even including an extra “this invitation is meant for____” on the back of the ones you’re worried FIL’s will pass along) . You are in no way obligated to include additional guests, especially when you included FIL’s in the original approval of the guest list. Just reiterate to FMIL that anyone not on YOUR guest list will be escorted off of the property by security (make sure security is aware that only guest list attendees should be admitted and that they have a way to identify whom those people are).

Your fiance needs to deal with this since it's his mother. If I were him, I'd say something like this:

"Mom, We have budgeted and sent save-the dates for 171 people. This includes everyone that was on the final list which we all finalized together. If these three extra people think they are invited to the wedding, you MUST call them and clear it up and tell them you made a mistake and they are not invited. If you do not do this, security at our venue will escort these people out."

Also, decline the rehearsal dinner. That way they dont have anything hanging over your head that they're paying for.

Don't back down. My MIL tried to do this and my husband and I together as a team told her no. She pitched a hissy fit but I don't care. It's YOUR wedding and YOU are in charge of the guest list.

I feel like you have both done all you can. Stick to what you want for your special day. It’s ridiculous she’s not considering your wants; it’s not her wedding! I understand she’s contributing financially but that doesn’t give her free reign to do whatever she wants. Ugh! 😑 Sorry you have to deal with this.

View Quoted Comment Yes! 💯 great advice.

Thanks, all! I had never thought about declining the rehearsal dinner... I’ll talk to FH about that and see if he’s open to it. It’s just so weird to have a super formal rehearsal dinner before a taco bar wedding, but FMIL said the fancy restaurant was the only restaurant in the whole city that could accommodate 60 people 🙄 we would have been happy with a backyard party and pizza. And I really like including the “this invitation is intended for ___” on the back of the invitation.

We’re also hoping my FH can contact these rogue invitees through back channels and kindly explain the situation. I’d feel terrible if these people paid for flights and hotels only to have security tell them they’re not on the list once they get there.

FH tried to ask for help from his siblings to do this/reason with their mom, and the response from one sister was that she’ll just use one of these people as her plus 1... despite the fact that she’s single and we’ve told her repeatedly she doesn’t get a plus 1. So who knows how many extras they’ve invited on our behalf at this point. Our venue does have the option to do wristbands for events, and at first I thought that would be super tacky at a wedding, but now I’m thinking that could be a good option LOL

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Sounds like you are handling this well. I think this will be an important boundary you and your FH will need with your FMIL. She should be made aware you and her son are a team and your (and FH) needs are first. I think declining the rehearsal dinner is a good one. A super formal reheasal dinner with a more casual wedding sounds like a passive aggressive move, IMHO. Perhaps she is having future mom in law zilla insanity or this is a clear indicator that she likes to control everything and everyone around her. Either way she has shown her hand and you will know what to expect going forward if you do not set firm boundaries with her.

60 people rehearsal dinner? That's almost the size of a wedding! I agree with declining it and sticking to your guns.