C
Beginner October 2020

fmil hates the untraditional wedding!

Chelsey, on September 16, 2019 at 5:03 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 18
Saved Save
Reply

So my FH and i decided on having a Halloween themed wedding. It's more my favorite theme than his but he thinks it would be a fun time and different, and he's been very supportive and helping me with ideas (still in the planning process). The one who is very unsupportive however is my FMIL... i have made it known that i would like to have a black wedding dress ; as has been my vision since i was 16. She is very disgusted by the idea of the black dress and our theme for our wedding, the few times i've tried to talk to her about the planning process she has turned up her nose. My FH and i both have tried to reassure it will all be in good taste. *Side note * she's also very religious (catholic), but my FH and myself are not. The rest of his and my family are at least tolerant or supportive of the ideas but not her. However my FH and i are paying for the wedding, and my mother has chipped in as well but not FMIL. i'm not sure how to make her more comfortable with the whole thing. Should i go for the white dress (the thought makes my stomach turn, sorry for sounding selfish there) to try and please her or do you have any other ideas that may help?

18 Comments

  • Keri
    Expert November 2019
    Keri ·
    • Flag

    Don't you dare buy a white dress. No pay, no say. Nobody gets to dictate what you wear on your wedding day. There are so many different styles of weddings, and you cannot please everyone.

    Can't wait to see a picture of this black dress!!!

    • Reply
  • Yam
    VIP September 2019
    Yam ·
    • Flag
    Tons of designers make black wedding dresses and veils! It’s not even uncommon, if it’s not your wedding she’ll probably see it at least once somewhere else. No one else has say over your dress, she can deal. It’s just a color.
    • Reply
  • Brae
    VIP September 2019
    Brae ·
    • Flag
    Do what you want, especially because you're paying for it. If you don't you'll most likely regret it. Fmil is an adult that needs to realize it's not about her and get over it. This is not your problem, its hers.
    • Reply
  • Futuremrsmccormack
    Super February 2020
    Futuremrsmccormack ·
    • Flag
    I agree! Don't get a white dress (mine is lavender so I couldn't either). Try black, maybe other alternative colors unless black is your vision. Red? Gray/silver, gold? Or black. There's a reason why it's a classic.

    And white dresses weren't even a thing until queen Victoria in the 1800s wore one to her wedding. Why? To show she was wealthy enough to afford a dress of such an impractical color, she would only wear it once. It's not a purity thing (originally).

    You do you! I'm so happy I remained true to myself, even though FH and mom gave me a raised eyebrow at first.
    • Reply
  • Dayna
    Devoted March 2021
    Dayna ·
    • Flag

    Do what makes you happy! Someone will always complain or have a problem. One of my BMs wants to have a Halloween wedding too, so I don't think it's even that crazy or uncommon.

    • Reply
  • Mrsbdg
    Champion August 2017
    Mrsbdg ·
    • Flag
    Please don’t compromise just to make her happy.

    You better get that black dress!
    • Reply
  • Laura
    Rockstar November 2019
    Laura ·
    • Flag
    Stop talking about the wedding to her. And buy that black dress if it’s what you want!
    • Reply
  • Cher Horowitz
    Rockstar December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
    • Flag

    This is your wedding! Don't change it for anyone. As long as your guests are hosted well, there's nothing wrong with nontraditional!

    • Reply
  • AshleyR
    Master October 2016
    AshleyR ·
    • Flag
    There is nothing selfish about getting the dress that YOU want to wear on YOUR body that YOU are paying for! How she’s “disgusted” by something that doesn’t affect her in the slightest is beyond me. Unapologetically plan the wedding you and your FH want. Unfortunately you may just need to keep wedding talk to a minimum with her. I would also just let it go for a bit so she can come to terms with it t and the dust can settle, then maybe try having a gentle conversation with her about how this is your vision for your dream wedding and while she doesn’t need to love it, you hope she is able to accept and support yours and your FH’s wishes. Good luck, stand strong!
    • Reply
  • C
    Beginner October 2020
    Chelsey ·
    • Flag

    Thank you for your guys support! this drama with her was making me feel insecure about what i wanted. i will post a pic when i get the Black dress Smiley heart

    • Reply
  • M
    Devoted January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag

    I agree with everyone else that you shouldn't change your aesthetic plans to suit her. But I would definitely use this initial reaction as a guide to how you proceed. Be careful sharing more about your plans going forward. Present a unified front with your FS. And when opinions you don't like do come your way, practice letting them roll off you. Also be mindful that some compromises are worthwhile (for example, anything to do with guest comfort or adding traditions important to both sides of the family).

    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Super September 2020
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    Tou do what is best for you, not her. Also, check out Zander by sottero and midgley. It's very black and it's very bridal.
    • Reply
  • Megan
    Expert October 2019
    Megan ·
    • Flag
    Wear what you like and what makes you happy... because at the end of the day, it's your wedding. You should be able to look back on your photographs and remember one of the best days of your life, not want to retch because you're wearing a dress you hated. Stick with the black (I have seen some gorgeous ones!) If that's your vision. Smiley smile
    • Reply
  • Allaura
    Devoted April 2021
    Allaura ·
    • Flag
    The great thing is she doesn’t have to wear black!! Girl if you’ve been envisioning this for years then get a black dress!!! It’s your wedding and if your FH is supportive and she’s the only
    one then oh well. You’re not going to please everyone it’s best to stick to your vision and what will make you comfortable and happy!
    • Reply
  • Kayla
    Devoted November 2020
    Kayla ·
    • Flag

    If its the wedding you and your FH want, then go for it! There's no reason she should be upset with what you are doing, its not a celebration for her. Please posts pics of the black dress! They're so elegant!

    • Reply
  • Tigriswc
    September 2020
    Tigriswc ·
    • Flag

    Don't do anything that makes your stomach churn!


    If your FMIL is all about tradition, perhaps she'd like to know the history of the white wedding dress. [TL;DR: It's fairly recent & started as a way for the wealthy to show off, also has JACK-ALL to do with virginity.]


    Getting her input on something might help. Readings? Song? Something that helps her feel like the wedding is rooted to tradition & being taken seriously (which I suspect isn't her impression right now).

    • Reply
  • C
    Beginner October 2020
    Chelsey ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Thank you i will for sure look into it Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • C
    Beginner October 2020
    Chelsey ·
    • Flag

    So i found my dress, i couldnt find many black dresses in stores around me so i decided to order off of Etsy and its within my budget from a good star rating designer. i have ordered it but i dont have it yet anyway here is a picture of what i'm getting.....

    fmil hates the untraditional wedding! 1
    • Reply

Comment on this discussion

×