I'm too involved to be objective about this at this point. I can't tell if I'm being unreasonable, if FMIL is being unreasonable, or what's happening.
Anyway, FMIL seems to be confused. She has told her siblings that she is the wedding planner when neither FH nor I have said or implied or hinted to any such thing. She has referred to the wedding as hers, saying "this is my first wedding" (I think referring to her first *child's* wedding - but still?) She has been demanding of her favorite dessert and menu, been unhappy with the number of people in our wedding parties, been unhappy with the bridesmaids dresses, said that we "absolutely cannot" go to certain destinations for our honeymoon, called "dibs" on a certain place that "should be a family vacation", said we needed to have a religious ceremony, has disapproved of the wedding colors, has disapproved of the hors d'oeurves we picked, and literally on and on.
We ended up getting into a big fight (the three of us), and honestly I think it was for the best because I think it helped establish some boundaries (she's been more agreeable lately). But now she's planning goody bags for FH's bachelor party - is that weird or is it sweet? At this point it's comical, but I did mention to FH that boundaries are important and she's testing us (whether the word "testing" comes to her mind or not) to see how far she can go now that we're getting married. She's the type to call her college student's professors to ask that their grade be increased. She's called my wedding venue, called my hotel manager (of our block), and other vendors (I've called to say that no one else has authority to make changes).
While we did get into an argument over wedding-related things, I feel that we still need to reinforce the boundaries, because I feel like she's going to push again in the next couple weeks. What would you do? FH has finally come around and agrees - he said he never really thought about it and that that's all he ever grew up with so he thought it was normal. He's so sweet, he's super confident but avoids confrontation and also always sees the best in everyone and in ever situation, even when it's a toxic needy situation. I've had nightmares that she calls my future kid's teachers, coaches, picks them up from school without my authority, gets them baptized without my permission, etc. etc.
Thanks ya'll!!!
Also, I love my FMIL - outside of this she is amazing, sweet, kind, loving, and just a truly generous heart. It's more the boundaries thing that I take issue with :-)
