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Dedicated September 2020

fmil and Photographer Time

Analie, on March 5, 2020 at 8:16 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 8

My fmil has been trying to dictate the photos that will be taken after the wedding and at that reception. My FH has family all over the US and it will be about 60-70 guests that are his family of 170 total. My FMIL says that after the wedding ceremony, she wants to take photos of each of the different groups of families with the professional photographer I hired. She estimated that it will take about 2 hours to complete this session which is JUST extended family. These two hours do not include our immediate family nor does it include our couples portraits. I don't know if this is normal or if I should accept it and shut up. I am highly betting that most of the guests will not be happy about taking this many group shots and the others that are not included will have to wait 2 plus hours just to get the reception started. I don't think that it is ok to use the time that I am paying for the photographer to take EXENTENDED family photos. I will be grateful for all guests that have come out to celebrate with us but this issue is giving me anxiety.


Suggestions on what I should do?

8 Comments

Latest activity by Alex, on March 6, 2020 at 1:44 PM
  • Chantal
    Expert May 2021
    Chantal ·
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    If you're paying for the photography, then she doesn't have authority to dictate who is getting photos of what. This is definitely a tricky situation to handle, since you're about to become family and I'm sure you don't want to make a negative impression on her.
    I'd have your FH have a talk with her about how much time you will need your photographer for the other things, and let her know that you have to be guest-mindful and limit the amount of time for photographs. That length of time certainly isn't normal; you don't want your cocktail hour to go over an hour, typically.

    It's a tough conversation, but a wedding isn't the time to catch up on all extended family photo portraits. It's a day of celebration for you and your love. I think she just needs someone to gently remind her of that. Maybe if she puts herself in the shoes of the guests who would be waiting, she would understand.

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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    If your FMIL wants to host a family reunion and pay for a photographer, she can get all of the extended family photos she wants. Unless your FH wants these photos, what she wants doesn’t matter. He should politely tell her that the photographer is there for your wedding photos, not family pictures.
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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    I agree with the previous people. Just let her know that unfortunately you already have scheduled the timing of photos with the photographer and 2 hours for extended family will not fit in the schedule. At best maybe offer one big family pic and that is it. She may not like it but put your foot down as should your FH. He can talk to her.

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  • Carly
    Devoted October 2020
    Carly ·
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    In addition to what the other girls have said - how about offering to take some extended family pics during the reception? That’s what I’ve seen done at other weddings, while mingling with groups - ask the photographer to snap a quick picture.
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  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
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    This is not normal, and it's rude, too.

    Talk to your photographer. Make it clear you have a set list of photos you want, and it doesn't include family reunion time. The photographer should know how to handle it.

    Have you FH talk to his mom, as well.

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  • K
    Savvy August 2022
    Katy ·
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    I agree this is not normal and, as others have suggested, just tell her that you’ve already planned the wedding timeline with the photographer and you’ll only have time for portraits and the other immediate family photos that you want. I’d be gentle but make it clear that this has already been decided with the vendors and there’s no room for change.
    Don’t give her the contact info for your photographer / planner / coordinator, and make sure all your vendors know your plan! If you really want to get pictures with the extended family, you can have the photographer take pictures with you all during the reception informally. Our photographer is going to come with us when we go round to every table during the reception to thank our guests, and take a picture of us with the people at every table. It’s not as formal but you still get pics with everyone!
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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    Have your fiance talk to her, and tell her she can take 5ish photos with extended family so to figure out those groups and have them prepared to take them ASAP so you can focus on the more important ones. During the reception, she can have people take more pictures on her phone if she wants.

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  • A
    Super August 2020
    Alex ·
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    This is entirely your decision, but I agree with you that sounds like way too much time. What I did was my FH and I made a list of all the pictures combinations we want and sent them to my mom and MIL. We limited pre-wedding family pictures to grandparents, parents, siblings, and wedding party. Then we will do one big group photo of each side of the family (i.e. My mom's side, my dad's side, FH mom's side, FH dads side) after the ceremony. That is it. Then if people want to get more causal photos with us while we enjoy cocktail hour, that is fine.


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