Flower Girl

Are you purchasing the dress or are the parents? I would have the parents try to convince her but understand she is 4. Compromise. Maybe the flower crown and a jump suit. What is the reason for no dress?

View Quoted Comment I’m willing to buy the dress. The parents don’t want to force her to wear something she doesn’t want to. I’m just worried that a jumpsuit will look odd on beach pictures ?

Would the flower girl be willing to wear the dress if she got to help pick it out? That way, she would feel more included in the decision, and she'll hopefully pick something she likes? Otherwise, I agree with the previous comment, maybe a compromise would work. She might change her mind before next summer as well.

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Truthfully no one is really going to notice her. They will see her coming down the aisle and think she is adorable but apart from that the focus will be on you two. Look up rompers or cute white, lace jumpsuits like this:

Trust me you do not wanna deal with the battle of arguing with a 4 year old on your wedding day.

She's 4 she really doesn't get to have a choice. If her parents agreed to have her in the wedding then they should force her to wear the dress. My niece loves dresses and looking like a princess so it's easy for me with my flower girl however my other niece who is 12 is one of my bridesmaids and she hates dresses so me and her mother are forcing her to wear the dress. I told her after ceremony and pictures she can change but she isn't going to be in the wedding if she doesn't wear the dress.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this and the jumpsuit is adorable. Pick your battles but it will help to alleviate any tantrums.

She’s 4 years old, she will not even remember what she said to you a year from now. It’s up to her parents to dress her.

Is there a reason she doesn't want to wear a dress? Personally, I would probably just tell her parents that's what she's wearing and leave it up to them to put her in it. Otherwise, she wouldn't be in the wedding. She's only 4 so she can't really decide what she wants to wear.

What is happening right now? Is this for real 😂 yes kids aren't consenting adults that can make a lot of their own decisions but guys they are still people with their own thought and feelings. So many people preaching that the bridesmaids have to love what dress we have them wear but saying the flower girl doesn't get a choice cause she is a kid and she needs to be forced to wear it? Maybe she's not comfortable in a dress, I have 3 toddlers and they all know what they like and feel comfortable wearing. Kudos to the parents honestly for backing her on what she feels cause I can see just from here that a lot of people wouldn't.


And honestly that jumpsuit pp posted is super cute and I think would look adorable on a beach.

View Quoted Comment Well said. Many girls aren't comfortable in dresses no matter what their age and that's ok. It should be respected and honored. Some people feel that children shouldn't be within 10ft of a wedding and that they should not have an opinion on anything. If you want her in attendance and happy, listen to the parents.

The wedding is next summer and 4 year olds are typically very fickle, the chances of her feeling the same way down the line is unlikely. Kids her age will say one thing & change their minds the next second, just wait it out. If her parents insist on not putting her in a dress, then compromise and get her a nice dress for the ceremony & a cute outfit for the reception.

View Quoted Comment OMG. This. All of this.
Kids are still humans with rights and feelings and CHOICES. And forcing a child to do something is a recipe for disaster. So good luck with that.
I agree that possibly letting her go and pick out the dress might help her be more comfortable with it, but it may not. As a parent if a friend told me I had to force my child to wear a certain outfit we probably wouldn’t be friends.

If you have until next summer, you have plenty of time to wait and reintroduce the subject next year. She'll grow up a lot from 4 to 5 and may have very different opinions. I wouldn't stress about it now. But, if you get to closer to the wedding and she still isn't interested in wearing a dress, then the choices are either 1) find a Flower Girl who will, or 2) find a different outfit that you both like. The odds of getting a toddler to happily agree to wear something they don't want to are low, and unless you find epic tantrums cute, that's what you'll be dealing with moments before walking down the aisle.

I’d pick a different flower girl. The kid doesn’t want to do it. The last thing you need is a four year old to throw a fit during the ceremony.

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No disrespect but I feel that is going to cause beef between you and the parents. If someone told me then my child can't be in the wedding because she refuses being a dress I may not be friends with them and maybe not attend. The child may be hurt if she is no longer included in the wedding as she was told. She is old enough to know she is no longer in the wedding. The parents for sure will remember that so just saying if you go this route be prepared the parents may not react well.

View Quoted Comment Yeah agreed

I just think she is to young to really have an opinion or a choice on the matter. I'd tell the parents what she is going to wear and if they can't or won't make her wear it then she isn't in the wedding. Do we really live in a world where we are going to let a 4 year old call the shots. Do you let your children decide what they will eat for dinner? Do you let your children decide when they want to take a bath? Do you let your children decide if they want to brush their teeth in the morning and before bed? Cause I'll tell you when you let children call the shots they don't do what's best for them. Children need their parents to tell them what to do and what to wear because otherwise they would be unhealthy, stinky and wearing the same dirty clothes they been wearing for 3 months. It's your call cause it's your wedding, but if it was my wedding I wouldn't give them the option especially if I was buying the dress, I'd tell them you either make her wear the dress or I'm finding a new flower girl.

View Quoted Comment Yes I will let my children decide what they want to put on their bodies, if my daughter doesn't want to wear a dress cause she is uncomfortable of course I won't force her into something that makes her physically uncomfortable. it is my job to guide them to do the right thing. No I do not force feed my child but I give them healthy options, no they sometimes don't want to take a shower but then they know they get itchy and don't like that. So now they ask before I even say hey let's go take a bath. If you really think you have to force all these good choices on children then you are definitely underestimating them. Yes I will always let them have their own thoughts and opinions and if you need to explain why its not good for them then they understand! Comparing not feeling comfortable in a dress to children running our lives is a huge leap.
Oh and you forcing your 12 year old niece to wear a dress is definitely going to cause resentment. There is probably an actually reason for it even though you think kids shouldn't have their own thoughts and feelings, maybe you should take her aside and talk to her about it. Could be a whole host of things, probably starting with being almost a teenager and having her body changing.

View Quoted Comment My niece hating dresses has nothing to do with her body changing, she doesn't like dresses because she is more of a tomboy she never liked wearing girly stuff. So when I told her about having to wear a dress at the wedding of course she didn't like the idea, that's why I didn't give her an option. And I'm sure her wearing a dress one day out of her life isn't going to cause any resentment. Even if she wasn't in the wedding her mom would still make her wear a dress and have her hair done. If this girl wants the flower girl to wear a dress then she shouldn't give them an option, it's either wear it or don't be in it. Its her wedding and if she wants everyone in the wedding to look a certain way she can have them look a certain way and if they don't like it they don't need to be in the wedding. Back in the day people didn't really get much of a choice on what they were wearing when they were in someone else's wedding. Nowadays some brides give people in their wedding a little more freedom then back in the day. But there are still brides out there who don't. And even if she gave people in her wedding a little freedom with their outfits at the end of the day it's her wedding and she has the final say.

Next summer is a really long time from now. She may decide she likes dresses by then. I wouldn't worry about it until closer to the wedding. If she's still anti-dress then, maybe she can wear a white skirt and a top? I'd ask her parents what they think she'd feel comfortable in and have a plan B option, but again, next summer is a lifetime for a child.