Jennifer
VIP October 2021

Flower Girl Troubles

Jennifer, on December 5, 2019 at 12:02 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 16
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Okay, this is gonna be weird but here goes:


1) I asked my soon to be niece-in-law if her 2 adorable daughters could be my flower girls. I asked right after we got engaged, and she said “Yes!!”. Fast forward 1yr and a few months and she is now backing out. Saying “It’s too expensive.” Normally I’d agree- HOWEVER, FH & I are/were willing to pay for plane tickets for the family of 5( asked older brother to be in wedding as an usher), hotel room, And the girls outfits! So literally all they had to do was get To the airport, as we had a shuttle to pick them up & take them back to airport after wedding, and pay for their meals- minus rehearsal and reception food!


2) I found a friend/fellow model who’s cute daughter was perfect and she agreed. Yes, she knew she was a stand-in. I found out today that she is now pregnant and due Right before the wedding and will not be able to come. Same offer was made to her and her daughter as was made to niece. While I am happy for her, I am soooooo bummed and panicky about the loss of a second flower girl!!

And, YES, I Know I can NOT have one- but, that is not what I want and am tryin to rack my brain, as well as stop a panic attack, and be OK with No flower girl.

16 Comments

Latest activity by Nicole, on December 9, 2019 at 1:22 PM
  • Kk
    Devoted October 2021
    Kk ·
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    Why do you feel such a strong need to have one? For me, our flower girl is someone special in our lives, just like the rest of our bridal party. I wouldn't want just someone to stand up there with me.

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  • Jennifer
    VIP October 2021
    Jennifer ·
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    It was something I had envisioned from the time I was little.


    Also, the nieces daughters, as well as my friends are not “just anyone”. They were invited to the wedding anyway- and agreed to have their children be part of it.
    • Reply
  • Amber
    Master February 2020
    Amber ·
    • Flag

    Hey Jennifer! I'm sorry the situation with your flower girls didn't work out. I know you said it's something you've always envisioned for your wedding, but I promise it won't seem like a big deal by the time your wedding rolls around!

    Is what bothers you the fact that someone won't have the role of scattering petals before you walk down the aisle or were you planning for the flower girls to carry something else like kissing balls or signs? Are you having a ring bearer?

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  • Blair
    Super June 2021
    Blair ·
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    My flower girls are my FH's twin daughters. Their birthday is this weekend and he plans to ask their mom face to face to let them be apart of our big day. I'm not sure how she's going to respond. She's been a bit stand offish since he proposed to me. So I know how you feel. I can't imagine my day with no flower girls.

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  • Jennifer
    VIP October 2021
    Jennifer ·
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    Thanks....


    I think what bothers me most is the fact that both family and friend have said “Yes” and then backed out.
    It is a petal scattering- and I guess that I’ve had a certain idea in mind for so long, and then so long with my FH, that it doesn’t seem “right” without it.
    Yes, we Are having a Ring Bearer. He is my FH grand-nephew. So I want to have the two.
    However, there is another family member- a cousin of his who we invited to the wedding, and I can always ask her if her 4yo little girl can be in the wedding.
    All 3 people I have/will al have been invited to the wedding, and aren’t “just anyone”.....
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  • Jennifer
    VIP October 2021
    Jennifer ·
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    Thanks!!!!!


    Best of luck to you on his getting the Ok. It seems that there’s no reason why they can’t be- especially if they have joint custody, or he has them on weekends.
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  • Mrs. S
    Master November 2019
    Mrs. S ·
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    I never wanted a flower girl. It’s honestly just a hassle.
    • Reply
  • Jill
    Jill ·
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    But they are "just anyone" as they weren't your first choices and your just asking them to be in your wedding because your first choice fell through. Just because they were already invited to your wedding doesn't mean anything. You ask the people you can't imagine not standing up next to you while you marry the man of your dreams. These people (second and now third) will now that they weren't good enough the first time around.

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  • Jennifer
    VIP October 2021
    Jennifer ·
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    1) The friend knew that I had asked the family member first. She had said “If they can’t I can”- now she has fallen through.



    2) Other family member has no knowledge of the other two.

    3) I couldn’t have all 3, well 4 because the first ask were sisters, girls. So I picked one, even though I liked all of them equally as potential flower girls. FH wanted the family member who has two girls and a son..... so I asked them.

    4) I wanted to have any of the 4 girls stand up with us, all are adorable and sweet, and 3 out of the 4 are his family. The other is a good friend of mine.


    • Reply
  • Ashley
    Dedicated September 2021
    Ashley ·
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    I don't know if your open to having alternative flower girls. I saw an article about a bride who had her 2 grandmothers as flowers girls. One where a groomsman had to stand in as a flower-man last minute. If you want flowers on the aisle there are fun ways to do it if you cannot find a flower girl. If your open to that, it could be fun and a nice surprise to your guests. Alternatively you could have the aisle lined petals before the start of the ceremony.

    I

    wedding-inspiration.jpeg


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  • Jennifer
    VIP October 2021
    Jennifer ·
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    That is a an idea! Sadly none of our grandparents are alive.


    The image you added is stunning. Thanks for the idea!!!
    • Reply
  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
    • Flag

    I get you have "a vision," but this is not a big deal. They said "yes," but then "backed out" because they feel it's too expensive and in the second case, they will be too pregnant to travel. Those aren't trivial reasons, but if this is a huge deal to you, just keep asking people with "cute/adorable/sweet" kids if they can fill in -- it sounds like you've got a bunch of back-ups.

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  • Jennifer
    VIP October 2021
    Jennifer ·
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    The one who said it was too expensive was literally having EVERYTHING paid for by Us. She had to get their shoes, and meals while at the resort- that was it. The 2 girls & sons outfits were paid for, plane tickets and transportation to hotel/back to airport was paid for, the hotel room was paid for for the duration of their stay, they even had things to do covered by us..... So what was too expensive??? She teleworks so if she had to she could bring her laptop, so the time off shouldn’t have been an issue. Fly in Friday and out Sunday.


    As for the other lady, I get that and it was fine. I am not trying to have anyone risk their, or their child’s life!

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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
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    Sometimes, when people say things that don't make a lot of sense (like money), it might be an indication that they are trying find a more polite way to bow out, rather than give reasons that they think might hurt our feelings/offend us.... Maybe there is another reason they want out.

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  • Deirdre
    Super March 2018
    Deirdre ·
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    You don't know their financial situation, so perhaps any extra spending isn't in the cards right now. I don't know these people, but I know a lot of people who do have to live paycheck to paycheck and if they had another big financial expense happen (need to fix a car, medical issues, updates to a house), they might not have enough money right now for anything but their life essentials, so even a couple of meals can be too much. A couple of meals for a family of 5 does add up quickly.

    I understand you vision, but I've been a bridesmaid in 9 weddings and have been to a lot more. I can say pretty much all who had a flower girl or ring bearer had issues with: the child crying, the child getting scared once they see all the people and not wanting to go down the aisle, the child getting easily distracted and either racing down the aisle and forgetting to toss flowers or just throwing big clumps and they're out of petals before they are halfway down the aisle. Even if you get a replacement flower girl, there is no guarantee that your vision will be executed on the day of the wedding. I didn't have any kids in my wedding, because I didn't want to deal with the stress of a kid disrupting my ceremony. I would say if you really want the petals on the aisle to look a certain way, you need to have that set up before the ceremony and everyone just goes down an aisle with petals.

    Not to be harsh, but in general I would say you should abandon the idea of your perfect vision being executed on your wedding day. I think it will just set you up for disappointment and you wont' really enjoy the day. People tend to stress over the little details that are typically not noticed by the guests and the most important things is celebrating your union with all your friends and family. No matter how much time and effort you put into it, something will go wrong the day off. Something won't be able to align with this perfect vision you've been thinking about for years. Your wedding will be an awesome day with or without flower petals on the aisle. Good luck with your planning. I would just encourage you to focus on marrying the love of your life and not to focus on all the little details that may not go according to plan.

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  • Nicole
    Devoted April 2021
    Nicole ·
    • Flag

    I feel you! Although I have one niece and I had asked her but she didn't want to wear a dress nor did she want to be lady like. After the offers were all made, my frustration took out the flower girl role and we are just having FH's son be the Ring Bearer! I am happy and relieved about my decision since my oldest brother and sister in law haven't been in much contact for the last 3 years!

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