Flower girl problem

No you're not being unfair at all. She may not realize she's being that way. She may just be thinking it'll be the only time she sees her daughter as a flower girl and wanting her to look "perfect" It should be what you choose though. I would have your FH talk to her

How old is the daughter? I’ve never heard of a bride picking a hairstyle for a flower girl, especially if they’re young. For the dress, why didn’t she like it? Did it not fit right or is it made of an itchy material or maybe it was too expensive.

As long as your flower girl has the dress you need her to (even if her mom was difficult about it), I would let the hair thing go. I don't think it really matters what hairstyle a flower girl has, so long as she doesn't look like she just rolled out of bed lol. I understand wanting things your way for your wedding, but some things just aren't worth the fight. Since she is your future SIL, I would advise to choose your battles and not have the flower girl hairstyle as one of them.

Best of luck!

View Quoted Comment She didn’t try it on, she just said she didn’t like it after 8 months and we discussed the price prior and she was ok with it.
I don’t know if it’s common or not but I’m a hairstylist so maybe that’s why haha

View Quoted Comment You’re probably right, I’ve had everything so relaxed that I don’t want anyone to feel bad or uncomfortable. At least she got the dress that I wanted which is the most important thing

I think dictating the flowers girl hairstyle is going overboard - she's a little girl, just let her wear it how she wants and is comfortable. Honestsly, I feel the same way about the dress. I would just give your FSIL guidelines (white, black ribbon, white shoes, etc) and let her pick something in their budget that fits.

To be honest, none of this is up to SIL. Yes, it's her daughter, but it's YOUR wedding. When she agreed to allow her daughter to be the flower girl, she essentially agreed to put her daughter in the dress you want, with the look you want, end of discussion. I hope there's not a lot of drama over this. But I really think your SIL is being unreasonable, especially this close to the wedding. She liked the dress just fine in February, but not now? Oh well!

You know these people of course, so you'll have to decide the best way to handle it. But you haven't done anything wrong and you're not being unreasonable by wanting SIL to back off. She is wrong for wanting to change everything. This isn't her wedding.

I understand being frustrated having to revisit things you thought you've checked off your list. But on the bright side at least she is asking you first! If you have been laid back about everything else, she may just think she is helping make the best decisions not knowing that you really care a lot about the flower girl's dress/hair. I would try to remember that she does not have ill intentions since you both have the same goal- to make sure the flower girl looks good! I would not recommend bringing your fiance into it, that is an awkward place to put him and may potentially cause stress between you and him. No guy likes to be the mediator between two women they love, esp over something like dresses and hair. Did her daughter try on the dress before purchase? I would ask her specifically what she doesn't like about the dress you picked out if its still and issue or why she wants to wear her hair differently than what you previously told her you wanted. It could be any number of things- she may be worried her hair would frizz if it is up, or the dress may not be flattering after trying it on, or her daughter might have said the dress was itchy and she is worried you will have a grumpy flower girl, etc etc. or she may have just forgotten how you said you wanted her hair to be. Take whatever she says into consideration and then tell her clearly what it is YOU really want. Send pictures of other flower girls hair you want it to look like so there is no miscommunication. Or better yet, ask her to send you pictures of her hair styled both ways and then tell her which style you want her to wear. Be clear and she will respect your wishes.

I really do think it’s a joint effort between the two. My flower girl is my goddaughter. Her mom is my MOH. My flower girl will be four at my wedding. Now, yes, it’s my wedding and I have a desired vision. However, that’s her child and she does have a final say so on what she will and won’t allow for her child. I think the two of you should sit down and discuss what you’d like for the hairstyle and find a compromise. I sent my BF pictures of dresses and we agreed. We’ve been sending hairstyles too and have gone back and forth with what will work for the dress style. Also, the mom does know her child best (hair type, if the hairstyle will manage the whole day etc.). So, I would give her some room to be as involved. It’s not like the child is an actual bridesmaid that agreed to follow your bridal party vision. The mom has the agency over the child (I say this loosely).

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your advise! I think the frustrating part is that she is not asking, she is just telling me. Today she want to control even more things like the hair accesories I already bought as a gift, she wants to buy her own, etc. I really want to choose my battles but at the same time don’t feel she’s taking my opinion into consideration since it’s her daughter.
also Agree with you, my FH would just be uncomfortable at the situation and I know wouldn’t be of much help

View Quoted Comment

YAAAAAAAS QUEEN.

That is annoying especially since you are a hairdresser and that is your area of expertise. It sounds like she is asking to change everything based on her own style preference which is coming off as rude. I would be irritated too but be glad she is being open about it instead of surprising you at the wedding with a different dress/hairclip etc. Since it is your SIL give her the benefit of the doubt that she doesn't mean any harm, she probably isn't used to someone else making fashion choices for her daughter and doesn't even realize she is being that way. I would ask her directly why she wants to pick out a different clip instead of using the one you picked out. Or suggest picking one out together. Let her know you specifically picked out the dress/clip so she would match your bridesmaids dresses/accessories, or the flower basket, or some other part of the wedding- try and tie it into the bigger picture so she realizes she is a piece of the puzzle and you put a lot of thought into it. Since she isn't taking your wishes as seriously as you would like her to and you are worried about creating conflict maybe making a generalized rule (ex: everyone in the wedding party needs to wear their hair down except the bride or everyone's hair up etc.) and grouping her in with other people would make her less likely to stray from your wishes and be the odd one out. Also mentioning pictures (ex: I want the flower girls hair to match the other girls in my wedding photos/ or I want the flower girl to stand out in the wedding photos so her hair needs to be up/down) might be good way to get her to commit to what you want.