Flaky friend

I would reach out and be pretty blunt and give her a decision deadline.

You can only RSVP yes, which means that you intend to be there.

However, you can’t predict the future.

If something happens and you can’t make it, then that’s just what it is.

I felt some type of way when asked (by the 👰) after RSVP’g Yes if I was coming.

I ended up not going. My Mom had survived a Massive Stroke and couldn’t do anything for herself. I didn’t want to leave her at home alone to drive 2 hours each way.

So, again, beyond your control if she will actually attend no matter what she says.

Your friend may be going through something. Sometimes people start wondering what’s wrong with them if everyonecthat they know is getting married and they’re not even seeing anyone seriously.

I had a former co-worker tell me that she “better meet someone at the Wedding that we just attended on 9/7 or at mine on 9/21. I thought that the Best Man (the Groom’s first Cousin) would be a good match for her. She got his number and has had several really good conversations with him.

I asked her to see if he wants to attend my Wedding with her since the other newlywed couple will be there, so he will know a few people there, not just her.

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I totally understand if she is going through something, however I feel like she needs to be proactive and be honest with me and with herself about that. It's very inconsiderate to say that you'll attend an event and then not show up. I completely would understand if something came up that was unforeseen but that is not really the case here.

Is she in the wedding or just a guest? If she's in the wedding I would definitely reach out to her. If she's just attending as a guest, I wouldn't bother even though that would result in lost cost.

I would reach out to her. The per head cost is a good amount in our wedding, and if someone flaked out twice - it would definitely make me uneasy.

I would let it go. I wouldn’t take it well if someone approached me and told me I really needed to consider if I could actually come — it’s a bit offensive. I know her flaking is offensive too, but for me, asking isn’t worth the drama, and I’d also worry that the pressure of asking might make her say yes and then no show the day of. I do think people tend to put more importance on the wedding itself than the pre-wedding events, so hopefully she feels her attendance to the wedding is more important and more serious of a commitment

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I agree with this..you could also casually reach out to bring up the wedding and you might get a feeling on it through that as opposed to outright asking if she plans on coming.

I will say— If it came up naturally (for example , talking about the bachelorette party and her saying “aww I’m sorry I missed it!”), something like “yeah. I missed you but I get it ....you’re definitely coming to the wedding though, right?” would be appropriate. But worth noting there’s a big difference between that (casual and friendly) than a “we need to talk” style conversation that comes across as accusatory.

View Quoted Comment This is fair too — a conversation about her plans regarding the wedding (about traveling there or about staying overnight nearby) isn’t inappropriate and works differently than a “are you really coming because you’ve been flaky” conversation. Just chatting plans is one thing, but directly questioning if she’s really going to come implies distrust.

There's no guarantee that if you confront her and she still says yes that she will show up at the wedding when the time comes. So I would skip the drama of a confrontation and just accept that there's a chance she won't show up.

I would reach out and explain all that to her. 40 minutes isn't that far and if she's been flaking out already, I'd be concerned about the wedding too.

I think you should try to reach out to see if there's something going on. Communication is key after all!