Fishing for invites

Following!

I met a couple through one of my best friends and I consider them friends now but we just don't have the flexibility to invite more people.. when we were out the other weekend the wife said "We better be at your wedding or we are no longer friends!" Granted, she had been drinking.. but I definitely think they are expecting invites.

Umm...what?? Honestly I wouldn't even respond to that rudeness.

Yep, I've gotten a couple "your wedding will be so fun" comments from coworkers and old friends too. They all come out of the woodwork!! I mostly just ignore it and don't engage. Coworkers are constantly shifting around at my resort, so I'm confident I'll see less and less of these people, and if I haven't talked to you in 5 years anyway, I just wouldn't even feel like you're owed an explanation. Sorry not sorry

I look at them blankly.

I wouldn't answer that text.

Since you have some time, I would use the "we are still working out our budget and guest list, but we are keeping it small". That kinda gives them a heads up for the follow up line "we would have loved to invite all of our friends, but our venue and budget are limited to immediate family and a few friends". But dont use the latter one until like January. Stop talking about the wedding details at work, or with friends that arent going to make the list. When they bring it up, keep it very general and change the subject. Them: hows wedding planning going? You: good, thanks, things are coming along. What are you guys doing this weekend? Pass the bean dip.

Just ignore it. people have some balls, I tell ya.

I've had one "We better be invited to your wedding!" comment. From my ex-boyfriend's nephew's wife. We were very close throughout my relationship with my ex, and they began attending church with us (yes, my ex and I go to church together... yay!... ) But, I was surprised that she would say that, and not think that it might make my FH uncomfortable?

If it were a text like that, I just wouldn't respond. Anytime someone says something to me personally, I just say something vague like, "Oh we'll see, we're keeping it small though!"

I second what Mrs Cheapskate said, you work with this person so ignoring ther may not work, or create the best office vibe between you and your colleagues.

We had one couple blatantly fish for an invitation - an aunt and uncle, who are estranged/distant, to say the least. They were invited to my sister's wedding, but didn't even have the courtesy to RSVP; no congratulatory e-mail, nothing! When it came time to make the guest list for our much smaller wedding (hosted 40% the guests that sister did), we never once considered sending them an invitation.

About the time they must have realized they didn't get a save the date, the campaigning began. The aunt asked me to be her friend on Facebook, even though she didn't ask my sister, or our other 4 cousins. Lucky me!- I blocked her. Then the family sent an Xmas card to my parents - the first one they had sent in 10 years. Their new address was boldly printed on the envelope. My mother got a good laugh out of that.

Although my father told my grandmother multiple times that they were not invited and would not be invited, she of course had to send me two nasty e-mails to me, demanding my uncle's family be invited. This was about a week before our RSVPs were due and we had no invitations left, not that we would have sent them one anyway. I just ignored her e-mails. My grandmother pretty much had a scowl on her face, during my entire wedding and was one of the first to leave. Some people!

Mrs Cheapskate hit the nail on the head here. It should get the message across without making the atmosphere at work uncomfortable.

If in doubt, smoothly change the subject if folk bring it up in conversation.

We've (I've) been dealing with it by smiling, nodding, and promptly ignoring their blatant attempts - it's mostly FH's family demanding that step relatives (not close) or friends of his parents be invited. I know full well if I respond I'll run out of patience so this has been the best tactic (and FH finds it easier to copy than trying to actually talk and be heard)

I get it too. Mrs. Cheapskate is correct in what she said. Keep it simple and politely change the subject.

You all are awesome. I responded by saying "Well we both have big families that we are trying to have a small wedding, so we will have to see." I found out later this morning that she had said to my sister (they know each other thru coworkers at another facility. We both have multiple jobs) a couple weeks ago that she better be invited because she has known me since before we got engaged & she has been a good friend to me. Uhhh.. My bridesmaids are my good friends. She-- not so much. Unless you count her doing her share at work??

Hey, people doing their share at work is a quality that is hard to find sometimes. ;-)

But seriously, I don't understand the balls of some people either. I think I have been pretty lucky so far, because everyone who has assumed they are going to be invited to my wedding is actually invited. I haven't had any coworkers ask yet, although some of them do keep asking me stuff about my plans. I'm sure my day is coming.

Keep your reply short and to the point. You do have to work with this person so maybe just saying we are having an intimate wedding with close family and a few really close friends *hint you aren't a close friend*. You don't want to jeopardize work relations too much. I have had to say no to some coworkers as well and it can be hard.

I had someone that I haven't seen in about ten years send me a message on instagram asking if I could invite her because she wants to go to a happy occasion.

I've also had a few families literally invite themselves because my mother told them I was getting married. I told her she's not allowed to tell anyone else.

Gawd, me! When I told my coworkers I got engaged (I've worked there for 10 years and am closer with my boss and a couple of other coworkers), one coworker, who was new to our contract but not the company, pretty much assumed her and her husband were invited and has been planning and dieting, etc. for the wedding. It so happens that the date we chose was her wedding anniversary. I don't really care for this coworker because I think our personalities don't match and I find her, let's say, irritating. You know when you just don't like someone for no real good reason? Anyway, it's really annoying because I was only planning on inviting like 6 people from work (3 couples who are my bosses because I'm closest with them) and if I invite her I will pretty much have to go ahead and invite the rest of the team (14 people total). But I have a year yet until my wedding, thankfully, and I can hopefully shake her off by then. Actually, I'm interviewing with two new places for a new job, which should do the trick. Kill two birds with one stone: get a better new job and just drop off the radar with annoying coworker.

Honestly, I haven't dealt with much fishing, but I haven't talked about the engagement or wedding at work or on social media and I think that has helped a lot. The few times it has been brought up, I've mentioned the limited space at the venue so people get the idea.

I haven't dealt with fishing quite yet - I've been very clear to even my close coworkers about our big families and tight budget and no one's said anything yet - but I did have a coworker offer to plan my wedding for me because she was so excited I got engaged. Um, thanks? lol.