Fine line between casual/laid back and tacky...

We have a lot of kids we are close with, so a picnic type thing would easily accommodate them all. (I was a nanny for a while and would hate to invite the parents without the kids I loved like my own.) I had a list that could go on and on, but basically we want this for the casual atmosphere. My friend got married with just her children and parents in a fancy place a few years ago, and had a huge party wearing jeans and t-shirts a week later and it was the best wedding I've ever been to. I want that style but only one event. Her's was just FUN! I was thinking of wearing a traditional dress/tux for a short ceremony and changing immediately. (I would be wearing a family dress, so I don;t have to pay for anything.) I'm just getting frustrating how to pull this off, so any advice how not to make it tacky would be greatly appreciated! I just want to marry the man I love surrounded by all the people we love.

You need to consider a lot of added costs when doing a backyard wedding. Sometimes it ends up being more expensive since you need to bring everything in. I would sit down with FH and write out a budget and guest list, then go from there. Let him know that in order to be good hosts to your guests, you may need to cut the list. It's better to have less guests and treat them well then a lot, but having to scale back on food and alcohol. Just be good hosts and you won't be tacky.

We're thinking about $10K. Dress is borrowed and hair will be gifted. First draft guest list is 210. Immediate family makes up about 50 of those. Don't think we could get down to less than 150, because there really are a lot of people we don't want to do it without! 120 would be a stretch but possible.

We are willing to spend more to book a venue as long as we still get that casual feel from it.

Maybe you could book a public park or something similar? I think outdoor weddings are often by definition more casual than indoor. For 10k you can probably have a great backyard wedding. Have BBQ catering, games, ect

Then make sure you have casual invitations so people understand it's a backyard BBQ type event.

Barn weddings are casual and not at all tacky. What area do you live in?

This is where we are getting married. It's very casual and classy at the same time. Like another said, backyard weddings can get pricey as you need catering, DOC, DJ, tables, linens, bartender, alcohol, utensils, cups, lighting, bathrooms...you don't want 200 guests in and out of your hallway bathroom. You'd need to rent a Johnny on the spot. Its adds up.

I would focus on food and drink and venue for your atmosphere.

Potential venues: a park, a barn (covered too for weather), a funky restaurant or club

Food: Good, fun food. Thinking BBQ, or mini everything (mini corn dogs, mini hamburgers, meatballs, veggies), or family style Italian. I'm thinking more of like a buffet so people can come and eat as they please, graze all night. Or a food truck.

Bar: open bar or at least beer, wine and signature cocktail. Served in mason Jars (if that's your thing) or colored solo cups to match your wedding colors.

I think it only looks tacky when things don't match. Like solo cups but a 4 course plated dinner

I think it crosses the line from casual into tacky when people cut corners to be cheap that impact the guests' experience and comfort. For example... not enough food, no alcohol/not enough alcohol, porta potties, cheap plastic silverware, etc. You can definitely have a nice, casual reception without it being tacky!

We are having a casual backyard/barn wedding. Our MAX budget is 10k, I'll break it down:

rentals: $1385

catering: $2300

Photography: $1600

DJ: $800

We are being gifted these, but I'll give you the approx cost

Booze: $1000-$1200

Dress: $1100

We will be serving BBQ, buffet style and yes on disposable plates with plastic utensils, it's what the caterer has. Just please don't use plastic table cloths, we have been getting them from estate sales for like $.50 a piece!

Ahh these are great ideas, thanks! We are in New England by the way.

I'll have to have FH read these ideas. Honestly this is super helpful.

And if anyone is reading this who is planning any outdoor event (Lindsay, your comment about the bathroom made me think of this), I went to a wedding years ago where they rented port o potties that were seriously nicer than my house. The wedding was at a friend's farm so there was no house to use the bathroom in at all. I will have to ask what the company was, but just letting everyone know that it exists! I went pee an excessive number of times because it was that awesome.

I agree with all above comments re: tackiness. Think about every wedding you've attended where you had a negative experience. Maybe you had to wait 10 minutes to fill up your beer at the keg - kegs sounded like a good idea but are super slow, what's wrong w/ bottles? plus you don't need to rent glassware for beer. Maybe you had to wait 10 minutes to pee - because there weren't enough bathrooms...the point is no matter which corners you decide to cut, if your guests have a great time they won't remember your silverware was plastic or your table linens were 2 ply and you won't have a tacky wedding. Think about the guest experience first - going to a wedding is a big commitment likely including an expensive gift plus their even more expensive time - make ppl glad they came!

Many people have a different definition of tacky, just as others can have a different definition of classy. A lot can depend on what has been the norm in your life, with your family and social circle. I.e. things that some people think are tacky, others would be thrilled to have.

I agree with @Annakay 511; guest hosting should be a priority. I've been to a few weddings were it wasn't and we had to leave early to stop for food, on the way home. Yet those weddings had the budget for things such as a planner, limousine, photo booth, etc. - but food? - Must have been a 2nd thought ... or a 3rd. I didn't care if they served Hot Pockets - I was about to eat my napkin.

I've also been to weddings where the couple chose the setting they wanted, but guest comfort was lacking. I attended one outdoor wedding where the powder rooms were 50 yards downhill, with no paved path. The meal was served in an un-air conditioned building, with no fans, and the windows weren't even opened. It was extremely hot and since we felt almost ill, couldn't wait to get out of there.

P.S. I had a princess weddings. Still, I'm sure some people didn't like it, because it's not what they're used to, or wouldn't have made the choices we did. That's the way it is ...

@annkay511 had the right idea. Tacky = not thinking of your guests and cutting corners instead of being a proper host. I think without having to rent a venue, you're saving quite a bit that can go towards rentals and food. Don't forget a bad weather plan B! (A barn, tents, etc.)

Just remember to keep your guests in mind and prioritizing them, not what's easiest for you. Especially when it means cutting the list down.

Maybe your rule for FH's friends could be that you only invite ones who are close to both of you/have at least met you?

Regardless of the rules, make rules and stick to them. Immediate family + friends you have seen in the last year or only friends who are close to both of you, or something along those lines. also we are having $10k and around 160, our venues are also relatively free so you can definitely do it! prioritize

To me one of the lines that can easily be crossed is the plates, cups, silverware and drink dispenser. Ex red solo cup or any colored cup vs standard clear cup. Plastic plate vs paper. White plastic silverware that breaks on the first bite vs heavy duty plastic silverware. Igloo drinking cooler vs cambro. I was going to do casual back yard but after pricing out everything we are saving 3k by renting they local community center.

I also have seen a lot of things on this board that I've taken into serious consideration when re figuring out where and what to spend money on.

I think that the people who have time and/or want to post on wedding blogs may have a slightly skewed expectation for a wedding. That doesn't mean their advise is invalid or wrong... But maybe different for some areas.

I agree that if you need to budget take it out of places that don't effect your guests. You and your FH are hosting, so think of guest experience as others have mentioned.

For us that means cutting on some things that may be important to some brides but do not effect guest comfort level.

Examples:

Flowers

Decor

I'm doing my own makeup and hair

No save the dates (use word of mouth)

Online rsvps

No bouquet toss/garter toss

No guest book

No favors (a nice gift for guests but a lot of people say it's okay to pass)

Some people may disagree but we are skipping hiring a photographer (two different friends who were art majors are taking photography as their gift to us// plus family photos)

What I've decided to spend more money on after reading more from this blog:

Catering: okay for reference point FH wanted a potluck wedding... It took teeth pulling for him to agree it was a good idea to buy guests food... First I got him to agree to nice wood fire pizzas... I've now gotten him to agree to a nice local catering place (we will have staff! Dinner and apps)

Our budget is still not very much. So I cut budget out of flowers, wedding bands (I paid 11$ for mine) and other things so I could improve the food.

You can def. do it for 10k.

Our budget is around 3.5k

I apologize for high jacking the thread but I'm new here and don't see an option for private messaging to ask my question.

Kelsey- I'm curious how many guests you will be inviting to your wedding. My budget for our anniversary party/ vow renewal is similar. I thought we would have about 50 guest but, when I started actually working on the guest list, we are getting close to 75. That's what I get for marrying a man with 12 siblings! Lol